Scene #2638: The Church of Fighting and Metal

Owner	Pose
Wesley Wilson	In this particular section of The Great Mountains, it's dusk. The sun is slowly going down in this valley in between two small mountains, with a nice cool breeze blowing through it. Wesley's set up a long picnic table and sat a beer keg next to it, and is sitting on a large boulder around five feet from the table, hunched over with his guitar on his back. One can easily find the location, as people keep modifying his phone to be idiot proof, and at the moment it transmits his location whenever he states his intent for it to be transmitted. Once people arrive, he begins to speak from the large rock. "Hey, I'm like, Wesley Wilson. I'm the future Fight God and God of Metal, but right now I'm havin' church to teach people how, like, havin' church works if you decide to worship me, and like, what life is all about when I'm your god." He pulls a large box from behind him, then drops it to the ground. It's full of burned CDs. "I got some nerd to copy my CDs. That's all the most important metal. Some early Metallica, Megadeth, Kreator, Judas Priest, Angra, Blind Guardian, Manowar, all that stuff. Well, I mean, with the Manowar, I just put the god ones in there. Ignore the slavery stuff, don't wanna get my message mixed up." He clears his throat, then begins, "To start, lemme explain, like, somethin' basic, from the words of Bon Scott. In the beginning, back in nineteen fifty five, man didn't know about a rock and roll show, and all that jive. The white man had the schmaltz, the black man had the blues. No one knew what they was gonna do, but Tschaikovsky had the news." He clears his throat, then holds his hands out. "He said let there be sound, and there was sound. Let there be light, and there was light. Let there be drums, and there was drums. Let there be guitar, and there was guitar. And finally, let there be rock, and itcame to pass, that rock and roll was born." He nods his head, then looks over the people who have arrived. "So like, I'm gonna start by openin' up to questions. Anyone got any questions before I explain some stuff?"
Xiaomu	If the keg is already fair game, Xiaomu may have helped herself to a mug - but if not, she's too polite to ask. She still looks kind of the worse for wear; it could be mistaken for a hangover if you didn't know her better. (Although in a way, it IS ... just not the sort that comes from drinking.) "Yeah, one important question up front," the sage fox speaks up, the rings atop her staff jingling softly as she shifts position. "You said 'if we decide to worship you,' which is congenial and open-minded, but then you went to 'when you're our god' as if we will worship you anyway. Or was the 'when' also predicated on the 'if'?"
Wesley Wilson	"Uh, that was a lotta words, but when I said that, I meant, like, if you decide to worship me when I'm a god." Wesley answers Xiaomu simply enough, apparently not caring if anyone goes for the keg. He's sipping on a bottle of Jack Daniels himself, still mostly full. "Now, like, I know I ain't a god yet, but if anybody decides to worship me now, I figure, like, I'll help 'em out and stuff. Teach 'em how to fight, hit their enemies with lightning and stuff."
Xiaomu	Xiaomu nods, "Mmkay. Nobody likes pushy missionaries, so Fight God in the making or not, you and your church'll be better off if you don't pick unnecessary fights along the way." She grins lazily.
Wesley Wilson	"Well see, that's the thing about fightin', and metal. Fightin' people is like... that's how you can blow off your steam, or like, solve issues, and just embrace all your, like, inner fight stuff. And with metal, that's like, a lifestyle, bein' as metal as you can be. So far I've got two commandments, but I'm thinkin' of more." Wesley explains, holding up two fingers. "The first commandment." he says with just his index finger up now. "Be excellent to each other. That means, like, even if you're gonna fight a guy, you ain't gonna gain nothin' from fightin' people weaker than you, unless it's just a -lotta- weak guys, so many that they basically make one big strong guy. And like, you just wanna be a cool person, you wanna help people out and just, like, be like The Dude sometimes." Then he holds up his second finger, the middle. "Second commandment is, like, everybody gets to drink. I mean, you don't wanna get nuts and get alcohol poisonin' if you can get that kinda thing, but it's cool if everybody drinks. makes it easier to loosen up and revel in a fight, y'know?"
Xiaomu	"Sounds like a pretty good start," Xiaomu concedes with a grin. "I wish more religions were that considerate of human nature." .... says the fox spirit who's only shapeshifted into human form. "You looking for ideas for others? Not that I think you really NEED more commandments - the more rules you make, the more often people are gonna break them, intentionally or not."
Lezard Valeth	"I cannot imagine why anyone would want to follow a lummox like you. But then, that more than anything proves your the son of Thor. One would simply wish that you would have inherited more of your mother's intelligence..." It's at this point that a familiar-looking (to Xiaomu) teleportation ring appears, the form of Lezard Valeth manifesting in it, fading in from shadow. He presses up the glasses on his face, adjusting them. "Though perhaps you did, given her choice of companionship. A fool like you has no place in a pantheon." Wearing glasses, formal tone, dressed like he's from the Renfaire, with black clothing, a cape, and a twisted staff of some unidentifable black wood... and the glasses. Holy crap, is a nerd calling out a jock? "If that is the best you can do, my intended actions will save us all a lot of meaningless trouble. Stand down, Mister Wilson. You won't listen to me but I give you the chance regardless."
Wesley Wilson	"Well see, I don't like to think of them as, like, -rules-, just, stuff you get to do without feelin' bad, or just, ways to be happier. I ain't gonna tell people what they can't do unless it just makes life less cool for other dudes and chicks." Wesley explains, though shrugs, nodding at Xiaomu. "But I'm cool with suggestions, or more questions if you've got 'em." "Uhh, you know my mom? My mom lives in Brooklyn, she ain't famous or nothin'. I think she's workin' at Whole Foods now." he says with a bit of a raised eyebrow at Lezard. "Oohh wait, you talkin' about my dad's wife? Uhh, man, what was her name? I don't know. But I'm just half-god." He stands up on the rock, staring down at Lezard before he takes a sip of his Jack Daniels. "I'm just gettin' people prepared for when I become a god. I gotta do more cool stuff and fight some stronger dudes before I get strong enough to be a god. But uh, you callin' me out or somethin'?" He looks to Xiaomu, then back to Lezard. "Wait, you that Lizard guy? Well, I guess if you wanna fight, that's cool. I mean, fightin's a good way to solve your problems."
Xiaomu	Xiaomu looks a lot closer to hung-over as she glowers at Lezard Valeth. (She still isn't actually drunk, she just wishes that she were.) "You again," she says flatly. "No corpses here, nothing to see ..." She pauses, looking between him and Wesley, coincidentally returning the latter's look. "If he wants to fight you, go for it." She takes a seat at the table and dispenses a cup of beer from the keg. "Your buddy the angry regenerator," she says to Lezard, "should at least feel pleased he left me this far out of it. Just don't expect to kill him, I don't think I'd let you do that even if you got enough of an upper hand to do it." She sips her beer, and bizarrely looks a little less 'hungover' or whatever it is that's plaguing her.
Lezard Valeth	"Pathetic." Lezard replies, his assessment of Wesley's response swift and to the point. He looks to Xiaomu, and shrugs. "This isn't about corpses. What I want is very much alive. Nor do I reequire your permission to do so. Stay out of this if you value your life." He turns to Wesley. "Through your blood may perhaps course the blood of a God. I wish to investigate this more directly. It is not your mind that I came for, but to harvest research material from you." He points to one side with his staff, and with an explosion of light, another hulking form takes shape, a blue-white mass of crystals with vaguely-defined arms and legs that stands at rapt attention. "Meet one of my new associates. It should be enough to deal with the likes of you." He gestures. "Fetch!" At that, the massive crystal form stomps forward, bearing down upon Wesley with a singleminded determination. As it does so, Lezard smiles, adjusting his glasses. "Worry not. I want you alive."
Wesley Wilson	"I think you're missin' the point of my church. Fightin' is like, perfectly acceptable. But since, like, you're bein' kind of a dick about it, I ain't gonna give you any blood." Wesley decides as he removes the guitar from his back, holding it in his right hand like an axe after sitting his whiskey down. "Been a while since I fought a golem. Ain't ever seen one like that." "But it ain't cool that you don't wanna fight yourself." He crouches down, flips forward, sending himself into an instant spinning momentum. He holds the axe with both hands, then suddenly slams all of his ridiculous spinning energy into a single strike of the indestructible axe. "Let's see how tough this guy is!" he says with a large smile, not holding back even an ounce of his strength.
Xiaomu	Xiaomu eyes the crystal golem rather clinically. It's not the kind of thing she'd want to run into in a dark alley, that's for sure .... but she could probably take it apart if she had to. Thankfully, she doesn't have to. Probably. If there were anyone here to place a bet with, her money would be on the godspawn.
Lezard Valeth	"Your church is pointless, and you will never survive to have one. I am doing us all a favor." Lezard replies, turning to step away from the incipient battle. Meanwhile, Wesley spins and chops into the massive crystal golem with a mighty blow. The impact shears along the side, cutting deep... but not through it. The thing is harder than stone. The only sound is a tinkling noise as it raises its arms over its head, attempting to smash them down into Wesley with pulverizing force! If nothing else, it will probably leave a nice crater for its trouble. There's no finesse there, the beast using pure power against power, but... It could be enough. Possibly.
Wesley Wilson	Wesley actually holds his guitar up with both hands to try and block, but the force of the fists send his feet sinking into the ground, and send a -hell- of a lot of force through his hands. He releases the guitar to jump back away from the thing, shaking his hands. "Fuck, man... Alright. You wanna do strength, let's do it!" He holds his fists up, just leaving his guitar there where it is. Drops of blood start to cover his body, then shifts to a metallic chrome as it coats his skin in a hair width armor. "There technically ain't no kinda fight I don't accept, if the fight is, like, fair. If you're strong enough to get my blood, then you deserve my blood. If your rock thing can beat me, then you earned what you got. I mean, even though you ain't fightin' me yourself, your rock guy... that's like, your power, I guess. Fights are like, how you avoid a war. You settle it here." He slams his fists together with a metallic clink, then rushes forward to start slamming some rather powerful punches into the golem's abdomen. He seems to not even be considering the hardness of the thing, he's not thinking of any particular strategy, he's just trying to meet brute force with brute force. "When you worship a Fight God, you learn not to give up, you learn that if you can punch somethin', you can probably get through it. You don't think, you just -do- it, you do whatever you're gonna do! So what I'm gonna do is punch this thing until it can't move!"
Xiaomu	"That's crystal," Xiaomu points out. "Although I guess it's more rock than, say, glass." She sips some more beer, evaluating Wesley's taste in communion-ish beverages. "Instead of just hitting harder, hit smarter - crystals have natural fracture points and angles,, that's how jewelers cut gemstones." She sticks her tongue out briefly at Lezard.
Lezard Valeth	To Wesley's benefit, the Ichor-reinforced armored fists are more effective than the shearing axe blade. The impacts strike clean, breaking chunks off of the golem every time he can get a solid strike on it. Unfortunately, this rock punches back, as it brings up a foot and slams down. Abruptly, the entire area around it in a circle erupts into a forest of magical crystals, shearing upwards to attempt to pierce through Wesley's Ichor-crafted armor. Lezard, meanwhile, adjusts his glasses once more. "So your main tenet is to slam your head into something and pray it breaks first. No, Mister Wilson, this is not the extent of my power. This is possibly the fairest fight I could possibly give you, however, I will give you that." The Necromancer looks to Xiaomu and simply smiles. "There would be no possibility he could do such a thing, hence him simply flailing at it with his fists. Once he is subdued, we will see if the rest of it works as intended."
Wesley Wilson	Wesley tries to jump when the crystals start forming, but one of them pierces through the armor on the side of his abdomen, then when he tries to turn his body, another crystal cuts across his shoulder. They draw blood and cut through his armor, but once he's aware of what's going on, he grips the sides of the spikes with two hands, and grips a single spike in between his feet. "Nah, see, what you don't get is, like... you don't -gotta- think through everything all the time. Guys like you, you don't really think about your gut. You're always tryin' to think your away -around- stuff, when your gut just wants to tear -through- stuff." He raises one of his hands, then holds it out as his guitar flies toward him, and then he suddenly flies into the air as wind whips around his body. He hovers rather high, a good thirty feet up. Then he starts to play a rather rapid and epic guitar solo, going into some full on speed metal. The thunder in the sky goes along with the song as if it were a loud, god-like drum, clouds darkening, lightning beginning to crackle over them. "Guys like you, you think so much about what ain't gonna work, or the smart way to do somethin', that you can't figure out what a guy like me's gonna do." He then grabs the strap of his guitar, then begins swinging it over his head as if it were Mjolnir. Lightning starts to strike him, faster and faster, whatever he's planning apparently huge. The smart thing would do to fire a bolt of lightning down, but there's a less smart, far more powerful thing to do. He tosses the axe-guitar directly down at the goldem, completely sheathed in electricity like its own bolt of lightning. It goes flight -straight- at the golem, the blunt front of the guitar rather than the axe blades aimed at the golem's head. No matter what it impacts with, that's going to be a hell of an explosion. But he's not quite done. He goes falling down after it. Not flying, but -falling-. And rather than simply let the guitar do its job, he -punches- the top of it, trying to add the full force of one of his punches to the lightning bolt covered guitar attack. "If you can't punch hard enough, then you just gotta find an even more brute force way to punch somethin'!"
Lezard Valeth	"You aren't even thinking about what you're doing, are you?" Lezard says, a mixture of astonishment and scorn tinging his voice as the man begins to channel lightning in order to smash the golem. The impact is colossal. The axe crashes straight into the front of the golem, causing it to reel, the front of it erupting into a shower of crystalline dust as he pulverizes straight through the outer layers... And finds out it's hollow inside. Odd, that. The construct stumbles, working to recover itself, but there's no way Wesley can do that before he knocks it straight on his back with the power of one of his punches. And then when he might attempt to finish it... "Well, if you insist." There is a sudden surge of power as the air hisses and wavers around Lezard, and he slams the butt of his staff into the ground. "SHADOW SERVANT!" A pool of blackness spreads below Wesley, before it surges upwards in a torrent of consuming Darkness with a howl. "I am getting bored listening to your relentlessly single-minded prattle anyway!"
Wesley Wilson	"The hell is this?!" Wesley asks as he starts to punch and kick, then just tries to straight up dive out of the side of the shadows. "So you wanna get straight up magic?! Fine, I'll fight the shadow thing too! Bring that shit on. I don't gotta think all that hard, all I gotta do is -fight-. And if you can't fight, I'll just fight all your magic crap until you can't do magic!"
Xiaomu	"That's a two-on-one fight all of a sudden," Xiaomu points out. "Seems like you're cheating there, mister necromancer-or-not wizard." Her attention shifts back to Wesley. "Use light, or in your case lightning, to disperse the shadow - and you might blow the golem apart by tossing more lightning down inside of it. Or it might just turn into a massive sorcerous capacitor, in which case you'd be better off with water or wood." A giant crystal golem ought to count as 'Earth' in the Eastern five-element cycle, right?
Lezard Valeth	"I think I am actually becoming less intelligent listening to you ramble on." Lezard replies. The blast of darkness simply dissipates when Wesley gets out of the column of streaming, corrosive dark magic. "This is clearly your true power, which explains why this kitsune puts up with being in your presence." Lezard focuses his power again, flames running up the length of the twisted staff he holds as he thrusts it force. "FIRE LANCE!" He calls, a swarm of flaming spears roaring out towards Wesley, curling in the air to try to seek him out. "You are supposed to be a musician as well? I can't imagine such a thing being popular considering how one-note you have been so far!"
Wesley Wilson	Wesley suddenly covers his face as fire lances start slamming into him. Some deflect, but for the most part they do a good job of removing most of his armor, as well as tearing through a lot of his clothing. This leaves him blood and burned, breathing heavily and hunched over slightly. "Fuck... you want me to use some pansy ass strategy? You want me to think harder? Thinkin' ain't fun in a fight, but you wanna know what it's like to take the fun outta fightin'? I'll give you a note!" He raises a bloody arm to summon his guitar to his hand again, plays a rather quick riff, then tosses it high into the sky. "Strategy ain't fun, tactics and shit ain't fun. Fightin' is supposed to be fun, all that other shit is for war, or if you've just got too many guys to punch at the same time! But you wanna take all the fun outta it? Fine!" He dashes toward Lezard himself. He's not -exactly- super humanly fast, but he's certainly as fast as someone at the peak of human prowess. He seems as if he's going to just grab him, by the way he's holding his arms out. But then he just -leaps-. The way he leaps blocks the sky, trying to jump clear over Lezard's head. When he clears the jump, the next thing Lezard would see is the guitar flying down from the sky at an insanely high speed, spinning like some dangerously hurled chunk of metal. Apparently, Wesley was attempting to use his entire -body- as a feint, before summoning the guitar to fly down at him while he was above Lezard, and move out of the way at -just- the right moment.
Xiaomu	"EXCUSE ME?!?" Xiaomu is on her feet and GLARING at Lezard, with such intensity that it's a surprise she isn't actually shooting lasers out of her eyes at him. (Which she could probably DO if she wanted to work at it ...) "Did you just call me a kitsune?!" she snarls, gripping her staff tightly with her left hand. "Do I even LOOK Japanese to you?! I'm a CHINESE sage fox, GET IT RIGHT!!" She finishes the rest of her beer (no point letting it go flat), then walks around the table towards Lezard, her right hand flexing as if she's limbering up her fingers. Gods know what she's going to do if she gets close enough to Lezard to have at him ... he might want to hope that Wesley kicks his ass before the irate Xiaomu actually joins the fray.
Finna	At some point in all this confusion, a fox arrived and did what foxes do. Steal things. Steal a mug of beer in this case. Granted, how and when the fox arrived, grabbed a mug, filled it, and then took up a position on the table between blinks is anyone's guess. The Arctic Fox, in full winter coat, is drinkin from the mug much like a dog, watching the commotion whilst... grinning? No, the creature is not capable of that kind of expression, right? One can't help but feel that way at a glance, though.
Lezard Valeth	Lezard looks less than intimidated by Xiaomu's ranting. He does, however, give her a bow. "My apologies, milady. I am unfamiliar with the differences." Whether he is acually apologizing or simply delivering another barb is an exercise left to the observer. It's at this point that Wesley unleashes his tactical maneuver. The axe whips down at him at incredible speed. At the last moment, Lezard whips the staff upwards, black sparks and crackling lightning flashing as the two weapons meet with a colossal impact and explosion. The force causes Lezard to skid several yards backwards, and the wizard winces, switching hands and shaking the one he was using out for a moment. "Well then, you have some strength to you... And that is most certainly a weapon forged with Divine Materialization that you possess. I am sufficiently convinced you may possess some divine lineage, but the proof is in the research laboratory..." He makes a thin, malicious smile, as he gathers his power once more. The air before him wavers, as dozens of blades forged of shadow manifest. "DARK SAVIOR!" He calls out, the blades hurling themselves at Wesley in a storm of slashing and slicing darkness. He doesn't have the time to wonder about Finna at the moment. Despite his grandstanding, it would be rather unpleasant for this man to punch him out and he'd like to avoid that.
Wesley Wilson	Wesley holds his hand out to call his axe back. He swings it as fast as he can, but he's not faster than shadow blades. He finds himself getting slash after slash, blood dripping from his body at a rate that suggests he could drop at any minute. "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" he suddenly yells, swinging his guitar by its strap above his head again. If Lezard truly is a scientist, or a doctor, then he can -definitely- tell that Wesley only has a few minutes of consciousness left, at best. But soon a wall of air is starting to keep the blades from outright doing -more- damage to him, and when Wesley opens his eyes, they're blood red. What he unleashes next can only be described as pure rage. His movements become more precise, more skillful, despite the fact that he's very clearly going to lose consciousness soon. The air whipping through the strings of his guitar creates the sound of a constant speed metal riff, and he starts to swing the guitar, blade first, at Lezard's body repeatedly. Each swing comes with a -huge- gust of wind, and a roar cry from Wesley's gut, almost like an animal. If Lezard knows his mythology, he'll know that Wesley's clearly worked himself up into a minor berserker state. He's conscious of what he's doing, but he's entirely unleashed his anger into his attacks.
Xiaomu	Xiaomu's scowl intensifies in tandem with Lezard kicking his tactics up another notch, and with Wesley going somewhat berserk to hold his own. "Well, if you've got that much juice to throw around, you mind sharing?" She brings her right hand up -- "Itadakimasu~! Dakki no Ka--!" She starts trying to leech life energy away from the wizard. Like she said, he's clearly got PLENTY to spare if he's running two summoned creatures and additional attack spells on top of that ... but despite that? "-- eww, what the HELL -- DAMMIT WHAT ARE YOU CONFEDERATES MADE OF?!? Ptooey, gyah ... !!" The attempt is very short-lived, and seems to enrage Xiaomu even further. "BYAKKOHOU!!!" she finally shouts, sending a wave of light-elemental spirit-force flying at Lezard, then pulling her handguns out and hurriedly swapping magazines ...
Lezard Valeth	"THAT'S THE BEST THING I'VE HEARD YOU SAY ALL DAY!" Lezard yells back at Wesley, his grin widening in anticipation. The collision of the waves of dark swords with the waves of air are intense, the blasts going everywhere. Maybe if you're lucky one won't accidentally knock over the keg. Or the mountain. When Wesley goes berserk, smashing into him with his axe, Lezard is there, slamming the staff forward to meet it. The first strike is turned aside, the air sliding around him in a wash of seething magical force. The second knocks his staff aside, before the third blow takes his wounded arm clean off at the shoulder. Lezard screams in pain as he is sent flying backwards, smashing into a boulder and hitting the ground. Xiaomu thinks to take the opporunity to blast him, and the Byakkohou strikes... A sudden wall of bone and flesh that erupts from the ground from a purple-edged portal. Lezard seethes with black energy, running around his body like dark fire as he forces himself to his feet painfully, gritting his teeth with exertion even as the blast shears through the wall, threatening to combo right into Lezard. "ENOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!" With that scream, there is a sudden pulse, a sense of everything drawing /inwards/ towards Lezard for a moment... And like the release of a breath, there is a dull thud as Lezzard releases a massive shockwave, hurling everything back in a tempest of light and force. He hangs in the center of it, looking at Xiaomu and Wesley through the reflective sheen of his glasses, his expression a twisted mask of pain and anger... But in the next few moments, as if it seems that he will unleash some terrible assault, he simply falls back. "Now is not the proper time. we will meet again, child of Thor. And your birthright will seal the doom of the Aesir!" Another teleportation circle forms below himself and the cracked remains of the crystalline golem, who had simply remained still since Lezard got personally involved.
Finna	EVERYTHING EXPLODES. There goes the table, the fox, and pretty much everything NOT nailed down, right? including the beer keg - OH WAIT. No, not the beer keg. The fox has grown BIG all of a sudden. Bigger than a wolf. Big enough to latch its jaws, head turned sideways around the keg JUST in time to save it from disaster. Even though Finna and her cargo are blown dozens of yards away, she goes skidding across the ground and sets the keg down only to bark out her annoyance once and... a few moments later, sneeze. Not at the keg, thankfully. That kicked up plenty of dust, after all.
Wesley Wilson	When Lezard shouts 'enough', Wesley blinks, and suddenly his eyes are no loner red. Instead he's hit with the massive shockwave, flying across the ground, then slams into the wall at the base of the mountain. He coughs up blood, then lands on his feet, everything hazy. "And... that's... how church works..." He falls forward, on the side of his face, his guitar laying on the ground not far from him. He bleeds out, but he's not dead, he's just very, -very- unconscious. His bottle of Jack Daniels is still sitting high on the boulder. Perhaps Fate thought it would be far more chaotic to preserve Wesley's alcohol.
Xiaomu	There's an explosive curse from Xiaomu as the sage fox is knocked off her feet and flat on her ass by Lezard's eldritch mini-tantrum. She's back on her feet in a split second or so, but Lezard teleports away before she can do much more than that. "Nice of you to show up, Finna," she says dryly to the Lunar Exalt; she goes over to double-check what kind of shape Wesley is in. She didn't exactly think to bring a first-aid kit, so the most she can do is try and make him comfortable, maybe tear strips out of his shirt for bandages if any of those injuries look really bad.
Finna	With Lezard retreating and Xiaomu taking notice of her, Finna trots back towards the fallen Wesley... now with her TAIL holding the keg. Somehow it's prehensile enough to accomplish that. Huh. Lunars. As soon as she's near him and Xiaomu gets to work, well, she sets that down and shifts back to human with her eyes on Lezard. There's no malice in them, but she's not going to look away until he's GONE. Probably. "If that's how worship goes around here, I think it could use some more pizazz." She replies... to both Xiaomu and Wesley.