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Lapis Lazuli Lapis Lazuli smiled as she slowly descended on the house, taking a deep breath. It was late, the gems probably weren't awake. There was just Steven! So of course she went and got him a big tub of ice cream. COOKIE ice cream, like this dimensions oreos. It was totally awesome. And it was going to be alllll his. Also, she got him actual cookies because she didn't know if that was a thing to combine or not.

First though, she took a small moment to close her eyes. Her dress disappeared. In its place, a purple kimono with black snowflakes and a snowy sky-gray sash appeared around her waist. Well, the human said this was part of 'being her own person', so maybe it would work? Steven was the resident human expert, so if he yayed it, maybe she'd try other things. She pushed open the door.

"Steven? Are you home?"
Steven Universe     Steven is in fact awake, playing a video game. Looks like something with batting a sphere around over a net, judging by the activity on the screen. At her voice he looks up, drops the controller with the video frozen in place, and grins.

    "Lapis! Wow, that's a really pretty outfit! The other Gems are out on a mission or something, and I couldn't sleep. Kinda thinking about how everything's changed, you know?"
Lapis Lazuli Lapis Lazuli nodded, stepping inside and walking over to him. It felt odd, since it was a little harder to walk. But it wasn't so bad. "So... ummm... do you think it is... me?" she asked in confusion. Ugh, trying to find herself was going to be harder than she thought. But luckily there was steven for that.

She walked over and held out ice cream. "Good. I didn't really want to see them, to be honest. And I brought you snacks." She stared at it. "I'm... not quite sure on what the recommended amount is. Is this enough for one human?" ... It was like, a gallon tub of ice cream and a three layer container of cookies.
Steven Universe     Steven looks at the sweets with starry eyes for a long moment, before shaking the excitement out of his head a little. "That's more than enough, I'll have some left over for later! I learned my lesson with too much ice cream all at once." He winces, thinking way back to his first meeting with Centipeedle.

    "Anyway, yeah, I think you could make any outfit you. If you're not sure, why not try a bunch of different styles, and find ones *you* like?" Fashion advice from a kid with a wardrobe of exactly one look and flip flops!
Lapis Lazuli Lapis Lazuli nodded. "I-I guess. I've never... worn anything else. but apparently it's supposed to help me find... me? I guess? The... non prisoner and non-fusion." She sits by him, putting the ice cream in his lap. So. Cold. But so. Delicious.

Wait where did she get the money to pay for this? "What is this? Is it like the shows? Who are those characters?" she asked, pointing towards the television.
Steven Universe     "Huh?" his attention is lost on the ice cream and cookies for a moment, and he starts eating, talking between bites. "This is Net Adventure Volley! See, you play one of the volleyball players as she travels from game to game, avoiding traps and pitfalls along the way. I died a bunch of times until I kinda got the timing for the jumps and spikes right." He takes another bite with his eyes closed in bliss.

    "It's good to discover who you are. One of the songs Dad wrote is all about searching the cosmos for who you are inside. And you know, black holes and supernovas. I'm kinda excited to see what you find out, because I already know you're awesome, and learning new things about friends is fun!" Yep, Greg's excitement for life and exploration is definitely alive and kicking in Steven!
Lapis Lazuli Lapis Lazuli sighed and gave a nod. "And what if what I am is monstrous and cruel?" She thought about the things she did to Jasper. The pain she caused. And that desire that still tugged at her down in her core, that almost need to find the gem and hurt her some more. But that didn't matter. Jasper wasn't here. Jasper couldn't do ANYTHING to her now. And more importantly, she couldn't do anything to Jasper. It was just her and Steven now and she knew she'd never lay a hand on him.

As long as she surrounded herself with people she didn't want to hurt, she'd be fine. Probably. "Really? Can... I try? How does it work?" Assuming he let her try she... failed. So badly. Like, died every few seconds. She would start getting annoyed, too... "I think I prefer watching the television. You don't fail there."
Steven Universe     Steven shakes his head, very very certain on this fact as he watches her play the game. "You're not monstrous or cruel. I mean, anyone can do things that are mean at times. Anyone." he seems particularly sad saying that. "But just because you did something you're not proud of, even something that made you feel really really awful, doesn't mean you're bad. And you are definitely good at heart. I know it."

    Steven seems a little sad and hurt himself now, clearly he has some experience with this subject. He takes another bite and lets the sweetness drive away the bad feelings for now. "We can watch TV if you like. But if you're starting season five of Camp Pining Hearts, it's... not great. Have you seen Crying Breakfast Friends?"
Lapis Lazuli Lapis Lazuli nodded. "I've never seen it, but I'd be happy to give it a chance. I'm almost to season five. Is it that bad?" She then smiled down at him. "Oh, I know." She reached down and stroked his hair. "Everyone does bad things except for you, right Steven?" she asked with a light chuckle. "Even with the... things your mother has done, I doubt you could hurt so much as a fly. And we can keep playing the games or watch the crying friends. Does it have more of the human romance? Or is it something else?"
Steven Universe     "I hurt people too, sometimes. Sometimes even a lot. And it hurts and it's sad when it happens. But it doesn't make me a bad person. And even if you did some things that hurt some people, it doesn't make you bad either. Anyway, I think you'll find out some really great stuff about yourself. And I kinda feel like Crying Breakfast Friends. They always make me feel a little better."

    So saying, he shuts off the game and switches the channels looking for the show.
Lapis Lazuli Lapis Lazuli blinked and looked down at him. Really? He hurt people? She suspected it was something he just made up to make her feel better. But it really was sweet of him. She turned back ahead and... leaned against him. He always made her feel better. Probably because he released her from the mirror. He was probably the only thing in this house she really wanted to keep safe no matter what. Her mind flickered back to what that thing had said. Was saving him... would it really be necessary to go that far? To trap him?

"Have... you ever wanted to hurt them, Steven? Even when you weren't in danger. Even when... there was no reason to?" she asked very softly.
Steven Universe     Steven sniffles a little, thinking really hard about that question. He snuggles against Lapis, and it's hard to tell if he's trying to be supportive for her, or drawing support from her. Probably both.

    "Yeah... There was this one guy, Kevin... He didn't really do anything wrong except act like a jerk, but it made me so mad I just wanted to hit him. Me, Connie, Stevonnie... We agreed we wanted to hit him. It didn't feel good at all." Aaaand he takes another bite of sweet sweet ice cream, letting it soothe his thoughts.
Lapis Lazuli Lapis Lazuli blinked and stared at him. Really? That was... she thought back to Jasper. Oh, she wanted to hit her. She wanted to do so much more than hit her. But... she supposed... that was how it started. Slowly, gently, she wrapped her arms around him. "You're not bad, Steven. You could never be bad... Connie? Who's Connie?" She thought for a second. "I'm... not familiar with that gem? Or... Stevonnie?" she was so confused.
Steven Universe     And just like that, Steven's smiling again. "Connie is my friend. She's human, not a gem, but she's really great with a sword and she loves adventure... And we fused. Stevonnie is me and Connie together. And with my shield and Mom's sword we are really good at fighting together. Pearl's been training us, so we can help protect everyone."

    There's an infectious sort of excitement in his eyes, clearly this Connie is someone very important to him.
Lapis Lazuli Lapis Lazuli revoiled then. Actually pulled back from him, her eyes wide. After a few moments she realized what she'd done and quickly tried to blow it off by... "E-err a-and this is the s-screaming friends, right? Yes?" she asked, her voice shaky. But she was now hugging herself more than she was him. A foot between them.
Steven Universe     Steven sets the ice cream aside, his belly starting to complain at the amount he has eaten, but that's not important right now. He turns to Lapis looking a little sad, then back to the TV. "The Crying Breakfast Friends. That's Crying Pear, and Sad Waffle, and there's Bawling Bacon. They had a misunderstanding, and Bacon's feelings got hurt but Pear didn't mean to, and Waffle is trying to help his friends work it out."

    He tries to not poke at what's hurting Lapis any more, and Crying Breakfast Friends seems like a safe-ish thing to focus on. He leans a little toward her as he talks and leaves his hand on the couch between them, an invitation to reach out but without pushing or expectation.
Lapis Lazuli Lapis Lazuli nodded. "I-I see. And... they are always crying? That seems... kind of..." She glanced to him. "H-how? How can you... how can you of all people fuse? You're so..." She tried to think about it. "You're nice. Steven, you're good. You're not a gem and you... Is this Connie worth it? For you to just... sacrifice your freedom to her?" She couldn't imagine it being the other way around. Imagining Steven being like... her just made her sick to the stomach.

"Just... how?"
Steven Universe     So... she does want to talk about it? Okay, but he'll have to be careful, he really doesn't want to add this to the list of times he has hurt people he cares about... He speaks softly

    "I... It's not like that when it's with someone you care about, who cares about you too. I don't sacrifice my freedom to her, and she doesn't lose hers either. It's just... It's like having a deep, warm caring conversation with someone, when it's a stable fusion. I talked to Garnet about this because she knows more than just about anybody about it. If it's caring, and you want the same things, fusion is amazing. It makes you stronger, both inside and out. I know that's not how it was for you, and I'm really sorry it wasn't, because it can be really amazing when it's right."
Lapis Lazuli Lapis Lazuli blinked and stared at him. "W-what? It... it is?" She looked to the television and stared at it. "Steven I... I still think about her. I didn't... for a while. I was able to bury it down but... but when I got hurt." She took a slow, deep breath and hugged her knees to her chest. "I thought about... her. Not just her. But..." She idled for a second. "Someone else." Not telling him how much she wanted to hurt pearl.

"It just felt... so good to be powerful. To control someone else. To rule someone else. it made me feel strong. and I wanted to fuse again. I wanted to find her. To... fuse again. And I..." She buried her head in ehr knees. "I wanted to do the same to Peridot. I thought about how easy it would be to break her. To destroy her. To take out everything I felt out on her. Because she was so... so... weak."
Steven Universe     "Lapis..." He offers a hug, kneeling on the couch to face her as an egg in a cup wails in the background. He wants to talk, explain to her how she was hurt and of course that made her mad and want to lash out and to feel powerful so she can't be hurt again, but being that he's only a kid he doesn't have the language to really express all of that. So instead he just offers the hug and complete acceptance of Lapis exactly the way she is because THAT he knows how to express.

    "You know what I love about Crying Breakfast Friends? They make me feel like it's okay to hurt and to cry, and that it will still be okay."
Lapis Lazuli Lapis Lazuli blinked and then she, gingerly, moved a little closer. She closed her eyes and nestled down against him, little tears in her eyes. "Why... does everything have to be so hard?" she whispered softly. "I... I know it's... bad but... I miss the old days. Before I was a mirror. when I just... I just had to follow orders. To obey. I didn't have to think for myself. I didn't have to be afraid. I didn't have to hurt or hurt others or... anything. I just... I miss... it so much..." she whispered softly. "I don't know who I am, Steven. I don't know what I'll do. Who I'll become. I don't... know anything..."
Steven Universe     Steven nods against her, just hugging. "It's scary, searching for yourself. Dad's song says so even. 'Searching in the blackest black holes, Burning in the hottest fiery sun, Is it me behind that moon, Can the next galaxy be the one, where I find who I am?' It's okay to be scared when you don't have all the answers. But you're amazing and I know you can do it. And I'm glad if I can do anything to help."

    As if to break up the seriousness, Steven's stomach picks this moment to gurgle and he goes a little pale. "I think I ate too much... Hehehe..."
Lapis Lazuli Lapis Lazuli stared at him, before perking up. "O-oh! Steven, that reminds me! I learned anew sound!" She smiled at him, closed her eyes. after a few minutes she opened her mouth and... she belched. Seh then smiled at him, awaiting his praise. One of the facets of human humor, she knew! She was getting so much better at understanding them.
Steven Universe     Steven grins weakly, chuckles, and makes a kind of similar sound to said belch! Almost like it's a game he's playing too! At least, until he makes a break for the bathroom to bring up some of that excess ice cream.