Scene #8354: You're Not You When You're Not Hungry

Owner	Pose
Hibiki Tachibana	Hibiki never did end up ordering that extra extra filled-up breakfast tortilla to follow-up on her pancakes. That's because she didn't need it. She has something better. Namely, the chance to run outside and catch Petra before she leaves, on the tail end of Buttercup leaving the leftovers with the two of them. A lot /a lot/ of leftovers, including the worst (read: best) fries she thinks she's laid eyes on in a long time. She does, in fact, feel her immense hunger returning just from laying eyes on it. And really, she doesn't mind if it's inside the Kana, or just outside in the parking lot. The magical girl gives her an awkward but genuine smile from the other side of the assorted early morning meals piled over each other. Buttercup really does eat like her. "...Hey. This is a little better than how noisy it was inside, huh?"
Petra Soroka	After shuffling out of the Devil's Diner, Petra sat inside the Kana, with it idling in the parking lot, to continue her conversation with Bikki and Buttercup without having to be face to face with either. Buttercup's continual insistence on giving her the leftovers eventually wears down her resistance, and her stomach growls loudly as she sits up in the pilot's chair. Seeing Hibiki approach, Petra pops open the hatch and peeks her face outside, her drawn expression lighting up at the sight of the boxes in Hibiki's hands. She pouts and looks down at the ground, then pulls her head back inside the cockpit. "Um. Do you want to, hop in so we can go somewhere and sit down? I don't want to.... In the parking lot." The fact that all the other Elites are likely only a short distance away probably influences her decision more than the lack of places to sit. Petra wants to get as far away from Remee as possible, right now. If Hibiki climbs the ladder and hops inside, she'll see that boxes still pile up against the walls of the cockpit. Most are unopened, and the ones that are opened are often crumpled and pushed to the side, with their contents laying across the floor. Only a handful of clothes other than the overalls that Petra is wearing now seem to be present, and empty wrappers and bottles lay across the ground without any trove of full ones. It's somehow much, much worse than the prior 'girl you live like this?' era.
Hibiki Tachibana	Hibiki doesn't mind her wanting to not be here, of course. And she doesn't try to convince her otherwise. She gets it. And to be honest, she doesn't mind it just being the two of them either. She just clambers on up, a little precariously given the assortment of boxes she's carting along, and up into the Kana through the hatch. Once inside, she glances side to side - it's been a while since she's seen the cockpit of the Kana, after all. Not since...the first trip to the station, she thinks. And she doesn't want to linger on that thought for too long. "Alright, here we go..." She finds the most convenient spot to set the leftovers down that's not 'literally on the floor, before letting out her breath and giving the interior one more look-over. It'd be easy to think she's judging it or something, from the slight scrunch in her face. And then, she actually begins giggling. Genuine giggling that keeps up for a good several seconds before she looks back to Petra, with her smile from before a little wider. "This looks like how my place looked, way back then. And how it'd probably still look if Miku wasn't there. C'mon. I'll get this food out, and you can take us somewhere. There's definitely way too much of this to eat all by myself."
Petra Soroka	Petra side-eyes Hibiki as she dubiously scans the messy interior of the cockpit. Part of her wants Hibiki to say something about it, call her a slob, just so... so something. Petra can't mentally articulate why the thoughtful expression that Hibiki wears hurts more than a disgusted one would. Petra shifts in the pilot's seat, buckling herself in, without facing back towards Hibiki. She flinches when Bikki starts laughing, then twists to face her, and her scowl slips away when she sees Hibiki's smile. "... Really? You're this much of a slob without Miku?" The words that Petra had been imagining directed towards herself slip out of her mouth. "That's horrible. I hope you at least had clean clothes." Petra winces and falls silent, starting up the Kana and lifting off. The roar of the jets is muted to near-silence inside, and the cockpit holds steady enough to drink easily while the outside shakes. She inputs coordinates for a few minutes outside of the city, along a hiking trail, then speaks up after a minute of silence. "I really don't like how this turned out. Being back here again." Petra's voice rasps in her still-damaged throat, dropping pitch from her usual.
Hibiki Tachibana	There's another giggle, that turns into a scoff that sounds more than amused than anything else halfway through. "...Yeah, honestly," she says while beginning to unstack some of the breakfast boxes and open them up. "And not really. I had, uh...like, one hoodie that I wore basically all the time. It was, uh..." Her nose crinkles a little bit remembering it, actually, and she sounds a little sheepish about it. Thankfully, it doesn't last too long compared to the smell of all manner of calorie-laden goodies being taken out one after another, and thankfully the Kana is more than stable enough that she doesn't have to worry about anything falling or spilling. Her appetite is kept under check for now though, as she lets a few seconds pass after Petra speaks up. "...Mmn. No, I know how you feel. I wasn't..." She pauses. "Well, I didn't know what to expect today. But I'm glad for Buttercup. And for this." She turns to the cockpit seat, lifting a box with another smile before setting it back down to take out the contents.
Petra Soroka	Petra makes an uncomfortable sound as she taps and drags a line on the autopilot display screen to direct the Kana around a block of skyscrapers, rather than weaving through them. "No, I mean-- here." She gestures vaguely around the cockpit. "The mech. After everything. It's...." Petra sighs and scuffs an empty ramen package under her boot. It feels like her emotional honesty is being bought with a gift of food, but the smell is making her so dizzy that the words fall out of her mouth without thinking. "It's harder trying to live like this. After moving away from Remee, and... actually enjoying living with her. Even worse now that she hates me, when I was trying to do the opposite." Petra swallows hard to keep the sick churning in her stomach down. Her face feels burning hot, but as far as she can tell, she isn't blushing. She looks kind of pale, actually. "S-she was kind of awful to me, I think, but, I don't really know anymore. The way I told it to Berislav, he agreed, but I don't really know if that's true or if I just made it true by saying it. And now she hates me, so it doesn't really matter. There's no way to go back." Petra's rambling is cut off by a series of coughs. The cityscape of Townsville becomes sparse and suburban underneath the flying mech, and then fades into green with thin roads running through it. The Kana reaches a clearing, slows to a halt, then smoothly descends, without Petra touching a control. She's leaning back in the chair, eyes closed, sweat beading on her forehead again. When the mech lands, she takes a moment to stand up. Outside are a handful of rudimentary benches and tables made from cut logs, too regularly shaped to be anything but imported, but still crude. The clearing is deserted other than the girls and the mech, surrounded by thick green trees and brown dirt, the cool breeze carrying the sounds of wildlife.
Hibiki Tachibana	"Ah..." Hibiki makes a quiet sound of understanding, hearing her go on about living like this, on her own. "I get it. If I had to live without Miku, now..." Her voice trails off. She's grateful for the fact that, at least partially due to needing to direct the autopilot, the frown on her face isn't that visible. Not aside from the one or two glances she gives back in the other girl's direction, catching the look on her face. "It's not like I know any of the details, other than what I heard back in the diner. It sounds like she thought she was trying to help you." There's a somewhat uncomfortable pause, as she can feel the Kana touch down past the internal dampening. As much as she can safely take amongst the spread is picked up as she turns towards the hatch. "...But I don't think that's any way to treat someone you care about," she admits, while slowly moving towards it. "But you're right. It doesn't matter how or why, when...it's ended up like this, no matter what the cause is. Still..." Hibiki seems intent on taking everything down herself through multiple trips if she has to, rather than asking Petra to. The peaceful atmosphere as she begins making use of the tables seems to ease some of her tension. "Don't say 'no way', okay? No matter how bad it gets..." "I think you always go back. As long as you want to. Maybe not any time soon...and it might get worse before then. But one day. I really, really believe that. And not just for you, either."
Petra Soroka	"The details are... the details aren't important, anymore. Yeah." Petra braces herself on the armrest of the seat, swaying while standing. With the adrenaline from the Diner draining out of her, she's left feeling drained and dizzy, her heartbeat pounding painfully inside her head. She takes a few steps out, climbing down the ladder without making any motion to help Hibiki with the boxes. The reason is immediately made apparent when Petra staggers over to the picnic table and collapses onto the bench. She leans forwards and presses her forehead into the wood of the table, taking quick, shallow breaths from the exertion of walking such a short distance. Even though she seems to be breathing easier out now that the girls are out in the wilderness, it's pretty easy to tell-- Petra is sick. Still face-down, Petra mumbles through the wood. "It's always, always worse. It's always so much worse until it gets better for a moment just so that there's more worse for it to get. That's how it's always been. Is it just not getting worse enough? I don't know how much worse I can make it." Once the food is placed in front of her, Petra looks daunted at the array, her stomach audibly growling. She picks up a fork and wavers, before going for a plate of loaded fries, picking through them slowly.
Hibiki Tachibana	Inside the Kana, Hibiki had only assumed that the pallid look on Petra's face was an emotional reaction. She wouldn't blame her at all, after the events of today. The coughing should have tipped her off. She should have realized it as soon as that. Now, she nearly drops a box she's holding when the other girl falls down into her seat. "Petra--" What she's holding is put down more hastily than she otherwise would've, but she at least doesn't rush to her side to make sure she's doing alright. Is it 'that' again? Or is it something else? The magical girl does, however, move around to her side of the table to take a seat next to her, rather than across from her as she was planning to at first. She doesn't go for anything immediately. "...Hey." A hand comes up, to gently rest on Petra's shoulder as she leans forward a little bit. "...I know. It always...always seem like it has to get worse before anything gets better. I really--really hate it." Her voice drops a little bit. And then Hibiki straightens herself back up, a bit - so she can use that same hand and arm to wrap around Petra's torso in a one-armed hug. Not tight at all, and she won't push it if there's any resistance, but still. "But you're not gonna be by yourself, going through the 'worse'. ...I won't let that happen." Not the way it did with her. "...That's why I want to be here for you. And why I wanna fight next to you. I know it sounds like I'm just saying a bunch of things without any real plan...and I guess I am. But...I know it'll get better. If you really want it to."
Petra Soroka	Is it that? The handprint bruises on Petra's neck are as red and angry as they were that night in the park. Her scarf slips down, and sitting next to her makes it easy to peek into the gap and confirm that they're still there. Petra shivers when Hibiki lays a hand on her shoulder, but unlike usual, it doesn't seem to be her automatic aversion to the touch of a woman. She just feels cold and feverish, like a pathetic, normal girl. She briefly leans into the hug, but a convulsion from a cough makes her twist away, and she shudders. "I-I wish I could do that. Just do things without a plan. Instead I'm just always working towards things and always falling behind. I don't have the certainty of knowing things." Petra puts another cheesy fry into her mouth, chewing slowly and struggling to swallow it. "What about if 'really wanting it to get better' involves killing people? I... I was prepared to, but...." It's uncomfortable to admit how badly Lilian's words got to her, after days of repeating them in her head. The idea that killing for such a mundane reason intrinsically makes her permanently lesser, that tolerating someone she hates is a step towards being more similar to Lilian. When she talks about people, she makes them become more real. The feeling is all-consuming, now that Lilian said it out loud. Petra's stomach gurgles, and she winces. All of the food on the table is so oily, and even though she's starving, eating any more feels impossible. She looks across the spread of food mournfully.
Hibiki Tachibana	When Petra slips out of the hug, Hibiki remains close but eases back into her own seat - with her eyes exactly where the bruises that have slipped back out of sight beneath her scarf rest. That tells her almost everything she needs to know. She swallows, even though it's dry rather than any of the food she has yet to touch, shifting her attention down to the spread. Maybe to fill in the silence in the time it takes for her to say something, she quietly reaches over towards where a few biscuits are, pulling them in front of the two of them just in case they're a little more palatable. "...I don't know," she admits, while keeping her hands busy. "I don't...kill people. And I don't really like anyone killing...anyone." A biscuit is cracked open down the middle, so she can take just one half for herself. It gives her something to focus on. And stops her hand from shaking, just a little. "...So I don't want to believe that that's the way forward. Fighting, yeah. But not that." The magical girl closes her eyes and breathes out. Her stomach is still growling a little, too. She hasn't mentioned Lilian at all, this entire time either. "...I know you can't see the kind of Petra that I see," she echoes their talk from back in the park. "But...I don't think she'd do that. Or if she did...then deep down, she wouldn't want to." Hibiki glances from down at the food, back to her. "But you're the only one who can decide what 'Petra' is in the end, right? Not anyone else. No one else. I'm just doing my best to make sure that's a Petra that...well. That'll make you happiest. And not..." She looks back over to the tide of leftovers, mostly untouched.
Petra Soroka	Petra takes the half of the offered biscuit and brings it up to her mouth with both hands, nibbling at it. It doesn't come across as a cutesy affectation, just the careful movements of someone trying to avoid a flare-up of pain. "What's the point of fighting without killing?" Petra's voice creaks from her dry throat, and she pulls out her dented metal water bottle to take a sip after coughing. "That's not, a rhetorical question." Question ain't rhetorical, ha ha. Thinking about Dryclean makes Petra's plans at Lilian's school tomorrow come back to the forefront of her mind, and she purses her lips anxiously. "There's nothing I want to say to him. This isn't a... clash of feelings, or pride, or anything. I told him to stop bothering me, he broke the promise, and now he's just a, liability to whatever mission I'm on, or an annoyance, whichever narrative you prefer. I don't want anything from him except for him to disappear." Petra takes another little bite of biscuit. The dryness is helping settle her stomach a little bit, at least. "The Petra that I'd want to see, wouldn't have gotten to this point. This is a new low that only this Petra could get to, getting close to the end of her path. That Petra, the imaginary one, would have strong opinions on whether it's okay to kill someone, and she'd be passionate about it, and clever enough to find ways to avoid it when she didn't want to, and strong enough to follow through when she did. She'd be purposeful, not..." Petra shrugs, her voice dull. "Uninterested. I can't find any part of me that cares whether he lives or dies. I'm just worried about what happens to Petra. If doing it makes me further from her." The indefinite pronoun could either refer to the 'hypothetical ideal Petra', or to Lilian, she's pointedly unclear. Whether those two ideas are different at all, is another question.
Hibiki Tachibana	It takes Hibiki a long few moments to respond, after Petra is done. Her own half of biscuit comes up to her mouth, and she chews maybe a little longer than she has to before swallowing. "If we could all be who we want to see, the 'us' that we want to be...that'd be pretty nice, wouldn't it? The Hibiki I want to be..." She begins, trails off, and glances off somewhere into the treeline. There's not anything in particular she's looking at. "...would be strong enough to always protect the people she cares about. She'd always know what to say and how to help, and wouldn't...get stuck wondering what to do, or lock up because she's afraid of making things worse." "...She wouldn't leave her friends alone when they really need her." "But," she adds on after a second, voice picking back up from a murmur as she shifts to rest her weight onto an elbow. "As much as we want to be them, we're not. The best we can do is...try. Try as hard as we can." Her eyes spend a bit trying to figure out where they want to be, before landing back on Petra. She's not sure herself which of the two options 'her' is. Maybe it doesn't actually matter. "...And also try to guess how they'd do things. I think Buttercup is hoping that if you fight, maybe something other than 'uninterested' will come out of you. I guess we won't know until it happens. And...maybe you won't know how you feel, one way or the other, until we're there." Not just about...trying to kill him. But about what Petra would do."