Scene #8563: Carmen Is Visited By A Twink

Owner	Pose
Angela	It isn't too difficult for Ishirou to pay a visit to Lobotomy Corp, actually. Angela is always willing to let him pay a visit so long as he schedules the time in advance. She does, as usual, meet him at the Warpgate. She isn't wearing the Pirate Hat. Maybe she's been teased enough about the hat for one day and isn't inclined to be teased about it again. She is as stoic as ever when he makes his way through the Gate. "Greetings once again, Ishirou." Angela says. "You have indicated a desire to speak to Carmen but I must tell you that direct communication is dangerous. If you insist, I will take you to the Well. You will have to endure Binah." She exhales slowly. "I can escort you down if you desire. You have continuously insisted to hack into our systems so I am hoping that giving you this will encourage you to be a bit more cautious in that regard."
Ishirou	Ishirou arrives and looks... Disappointed. He does look above her head, at the missing hat. "...I liked the hat on you," he says but sighs and focuses on what he is here for. He does not at her, "Thanks. I... don't know Binah, so I'll strive to endure." "...I am not hacking your systems with any malicious intent, it is just a way that I can counteract Sephrot when they melt down effectively. Yesod probably can confirm I am very careful about what I touch... It's just Carmen has reached out to me during this all.." "She was talking to me during the Hod meltdown, but not for Yesod... which I appreciated because my hands were busy," he looks at Angela again. "...I... you're trying to protect me, aren't you?" he asks but will follow her to the well. "...I understand. There are things I want to ask her." "Things I need to find out about me... and maybe she has some answers, or maybe I'm wasting my time. I can at least hear her out," he says, finally. "Do you just..." he pauses trying to think of the right words. "Feel something missing inside of you sometimes? That... something you lost and for a long time you didn't notice it, but now... you do and it just aches." "I don't know if that is my humanity... or something else. But I /feel/ it is my humanity. I don't want to be... a shell of a former person, but I need to be my own."
Angela	"...I am not going to see Binah with the hat on." Angela says. "The Sephirah are sincere believers in the Manager, but they have also been hurt by the Manager. Sometimes the way they manipulate the systems are part of the way they communicate. I'm sure you've noticed. Hod tried to show him about the pain of failing and failing again, Yesod tried to show him the importance of seeing clearly, Malkuth tried to show him the difficulty of Control--and how easy it is to make a mistake you cannot come back from." Angela starts walking, leading Ishirou to the elevators. "Of course, it is a fine line. So long as the Manager gains what he needs to from these conversations, all is well--but they are important conversations. We haven't gotten past this point before with the Meltdowns, really. So...It is hard to say. Your communication with Yesod seemed helpful but in the end Ayin can choose to reset this facility at any time." Ishirou tells her he still wishes to see Carmen so she opens the Elevator and steps within. She allows Ishirou to step in right after her before pushing the DOWN button. "...Mm." Does she feel like something is missing inside of her sometimes? Sometimes she feels like there's too much inside her and she needs to let it out, Angela thinks, but is the reverse also true? She cups her chin, thinking about the inquiry. "I do not know if I would say I 'lost' it, perhaps it is more I never had it? The Dame Commander, Petra--the others, they have found a way to fill that space. I have some worries that I'll be satisfied. Or maybe worse, will not be satisfied." The elevators open up into a dark place. "I know not this former person you were, Ishirou." Angela says. "But I undestand the feeling." She steps out into the darkness. Binah, in her Sephirah form, is seated at a table drinking tea. "Ah." She says. "I don't suppose I am not so fortunate as to be whom you wish to converse with?"
Ishirou	Ishirou smiles at the 'I'm not going to see Binah with the hat on. He understands more than he lets on about that. He doesn't try and force the subject more. Ishirou pauses... what she is saying is correct. Something about it doesn't sit right with him though. "I know... and if he feels he can't work through it, or if what they are showing him fails..." he pauses... still taking a moment. "The deaths of Agents and Clerks is something that is going to happen, and I've made peace with that. I understand how Yesod feels about it too. But... there is only so much you can do to prepare, right? Losing their lives and wasting them are two different things..." After a moment he pauses, reflecting. "That is one thing I know deep inside me is right. That... life is important. That I want to protect it when I can. But..." he admits, "Sometimes there is a balance. Some people will just continue to hurt others regardless of what you do for and to them. Others you can't be the one that saves that person. Either it's in the hands of someone else, or in their own... and no matter what you do you can't be that..." "I... hope that it's not the case for the employees." He does listen to Angela explain her own loss. Or rather, her own hole. How others have filled it, and it does make him smile. "I'm glad for that, truly. I hope that it continues to grow once you're out of here, yeah?" he says, smiling. "...Thanks though. It's nice to know at least one person understands me. But... It's just not enough to be understood. I... need to find the answer that fills this emptiness. It has to be something I chose, I realize." Stepping out, Ishirou walks with Angela towards Binah. "Ah... I'm sorry but no. I've come to speak with Carmen about something we were talking about..." he says, with an apologetic smile.
Angela	Angela is an AI that can lie. Ishirou speaks of the unavoidable loss of life. He isn't strictly wrong, not from the current situation anyway. Life is important, he says--to Angela this isn't really a controversal statement. She's not sure she believes in it since she's seen how easily it can slip away, but it's not like she dislikes the concept. The Outsiders defend life much more keenly than she can bring herself to. "Mm..." Angela doesn't commit to anything right now, just reflecting on the words for now. She frowns more deeply, in thought, but maybe it's a reaction to the metatext commenting about people filling her hole. It's a mystery. "Mmhmmhmm..." Binah says. "What a pity. I imagine you and I could have quite the chat.... But alright..." She starts leading Ishirou to the Well, taking her bloody well time as she keeps on speaking. "You seem to be standing well on your own despite everything. For now. It seems like a shame to see this stability you've found yourself in just to step off the edge once again." Binah says, largely just to annoy Ishirou. She leads Ishirou to a dark green pool. Green lines extend out from that pool outward...extending outward into the darkness beyond even Ishirou's immediate sightline--presumably, however, to the rest of the facility. Ishirou can take a look. But... Even from here, with the well, he can feel her. Most who look at the Well go insane. That's the rule. But it isn't pain that hits Ishirou even at this close--it's an allure. It is not even an intentional pull from its source, it's more like a psionic gravity that just pulls you deeper, deeper, and deeper in. So far, the feeling is pleasant, a feeling of being Seen, of being Loved in spite of being Seen, and just a little smattering of curiousity. Ahah...you've returned. you know, it's dangerous to look too deep. Angela stays nearby, close to Ishirou. Mentally, Ishirou feels that pull to the well. He doesn't have to move, but there is still a sensation of... Sinking. Sinking so long as he looks inside.
Ishirou	Ishirou looks at Binah, and he smiles at her despite her words, or her attempts to goad him. "I suppose I have to know if this is really stable ground or simply false security. I suppose I can't stand to not know... and desire to be complete. Maybe it's crazy, but maybe it's also needed to finally get to where I want to be..." Still, he doesn't hate Binah, he sees a lot of someone in her. From here he can hear her... he can feel her, he can feel being drawn down... and /knows/ what it is he has been contacting now, but through the mainframe of this place. He finally understands something, but he has to be careful. He looks at Angela, and smiles. He knows he can trust her, but he has to do this. He looks again, this time drawing in to 'her voice'. "I know. This is dangerous... probably far too dangerous for me specifically. I am far too curious," he says with a smile. "I wanted to continue our conversation, Carmen. I had questions... I want to know what you feel and think about certain things before I give you my final answer." "...I want to know what you think humanity is. What the essence of being human is. And what is wrong in humanity today."
Angela	Binah laughs softly at Ishirou's words. Could she be MORE annoying? Of course, but she leaves it at that for now. Neither Binah nor Angela hear what Carmen has to say to Ishirou. Binah and Angela speak to each other, but Carmen is just so loud. But you know, for the audience. "You know, at first I had thought that they cared more about Carmen than you." Binah asides to Angela. "But instead, maybe you're just not actually as different from her we all thought." "...When you work for me," Angela says. "My first order will be for you to fix your rotten personality." "Haha, I can only do that which is possible." Binah says. "We'll see what is possible." As Ishirou trusts Angela, she feels an urger to shove Ishirou in but she tells herself this would not be a particularly helpful or smart behavior, so she elects not to. Carmen continues to speak. Louder with every passing moment. He's sinking. Sinking. The Bucket dips deeper into the well and he sees a faint outline in the distance. ''I want to know what you think humanity is. What the essence of being human is. And what is wrong in humanity today.'' That's a lot of questions, Ishirou. Mm... I think if I spoke as to what is 'wrong' in humanity, today--well,,, I'll put it in a quick comment because you don't have time for me to deliver a paper haha... The problem with humanity is that they haven't learned to love their true selves. Humanity is also broad. If I define it, wouldn't I risk pushing people out of humanity? I don't think that is what you want, Ishirou. What is the essence of being human? A spike in the mind. A bathtub filled with blood, a woman lies within, wrists cut, smiling. Her face is scribbled out. What do you think the essence of being human is?
Ishirou	The spike in Ishirou's mind causes him to wince, he sees the image... "...Is it true?" he asks Carmen. "If so.. why? Was it that you believed in your dream that much? That is what was told to me..." it's obvious that what he really doesn't get. What he doesn't understand... what he has some apprehension too is death. The concept. Dying, or watching others die. Though to Carmen, who shared his memories she might see the root cause of this. Ishirou was forced to die over and over again for a cause he had no say in. When it comes to death, he is apprehensive, but... for others more than himself. "Sorry, I... am a curious boy..." he laughs a little. He nods, though, they both know he doesn't have the time. He isn't Lilian, he can't stay here forever. He's lucky to still be here at all. But... that also speaks to his own passion. "...No you're right. I'm..." he pauses, and she asks the question. The million-dollar question. What. Is. Human. "There are many parts to being human... and I don't think losing one part of it is something you can lose and then not be human. Sometimes people are hurt, or don't come out 'right'. Just because of that, they're not any less human..." "But I think it's the desire to /be/. To express who you are to the world..." he pauses. "The King told me this too, told me that what made humans human in his day was that they were irreplaceable. Each one was special, but his conclusion was that there are too many of them.." "I don't think that is the case, but rather some... idea, some concept is there, that nestled in humans. That takes advantage of some parts of the mind, and worms it's way. It makes it so that some live well, and hurt others, and that it makes everyone THINK that is 'human nature'." "It's... something I think can be proven too because Phony exists. I used to think that it was because they were embodying an alien idea, trying to change humanity with this idea..." "...But it's not that, is it? It's that this idea... this thing that causes humans to conform, that causes them to hurt others, to endlessly consume and want more and more..." "I used to be in that, you know? Before I blinded myself with the idea, because I wanted to belong so badly... and when I died... I wanted anything to return to how it was before, but I couldn't /unsee/ and /unlearn/. I saw the ugliness inside..." "It hurts, you know? To see yourself like that. I didn't think I had the strength to be better and... so many people tried. So... I am here. I want to become human. My body is one thing, but I realize that I need... something else. To fill a hole inside me... I think it's something I would have gained if I had grown up the normal way... but then again, maybe it would have been filled by that other idea..." "...does this make sense?"
Angela	''...your dream that much?'' Mm... It is more that I should have been the one to die. But yes, I do believe in the dream that much. I'm here, aren't I? She is there. She watches Ishirou die and die and die. Is it really any wonder that someone who was nearly erased--maybe ACTUALLY erased--might have difficulties with Identity. Carmen doesn't really mind the curiousity. Carmen is very curious herself. She can see so much within this well, and looking comes so easily to her. Even the ones she cannot look at so directly is a curiousity in its own way. Carmen listens patiently. Deeper and deeper the bucket goes. Ishirou's wrists start to itch. They start to itch even though they shouldn't itch. There is a faint, still faint for hte moment, urge to Cut. Carmen emanates a sense of sheepishness. The King told him that humans human in his day that they were irreplacable. But despite how she might act, Carmen's reach doesn't extend past htis facility. It doesn't even reach through the Warpgate. But ultimately that's not what Ishirou believes in. Oh Phony, isn't she just lovely? Despite the push of lovely cheer, the itch doesn't fade. Carmen has a dual nature of her own in the end. He speaks of conformity. He speaks of his own hole and the need for it to be filled. Carmen cannot resist. Well, you have a boyfriend don't you? For hole filling? But it isn't entirely just a quip. Loved ones can fill metaphorical holes too, after all. Ishirou then sees it. The true nature of the bucket. The well. He sees a tank of green fluid. Of ... Enkephalin. And within that tube, there is a nervous system and a brain lurking within it. A spine too, just floating in there. Unusually and quite inhumanly the nervous system includes the arms, yes, but then those arms branch out--indeed, exactly like branches, dry branches, like a dead tree. It's a question that you can dwell on forever, right? Asking yourself, what is human, what is human, can this be human? Can that be human? Is there is something that is not human? Is there even an answer to something so subjective? But I suppose if I did have to pare it down, I'd probably say...mmmn....that being human is the capacity to Love and Hate--not neccessarily in the manner of relationships, of--ah. That's when Ishirou feels it. The sensation of being removed from his body. Of his nervous system being laid bare. It's like he's trying to turn inside out, for something inside of him to claw its way out and for each nerve ending to be exposed to the open air, to chemicals that burn and intoxicate. The sensation just gets louder and louder until. Ishirou's connection with Carmen is broken and he's lying on the floor. His wrists are sore. Angela is rubbing her fists and his cheek aches. "Are you still sane, Ishirou?"
Ishirou	'...isn't she just lovely?' Ishirou nods, though a little solemn. He's been avoiding her, was it wanting to earn it back? No... he realizes it was wanting to know what it was she gave him and how it /really/ made him feel. He realizes there is a second component to it, and that he is missing it. He does want his body back. 'Well you have a boyfriend don't you..?' Ishirou laughs, but... also sees what she means. "Is... that hole normal? Something that humans fill with others..? Ha... I was thinking it was something wrong with me.." he thinks about it. No... he feels about it for a moment. He /feels/ about how Candy is there for him, and always has been. How... the feeling really felt there when he came to. '...the capacity to Love and Hate...' "...Duality again.." he says, thinking about what Evehime said. "The answer, then... is yes..." Something else is there, something that grows and grows. He can feel his wrists itching, his mind screaming... It's becoming too loud... And then he's awake on the floor looking up. He sits up, rubbing his cheek and then his wrists. "...I... think so," he says, checking himself. "Yeah, I seem to be... myself. Thanks for the save, Angela.." he says, with another smile. "Sorry you keep having to save me from myself.." he laughs a little. "...I got what I need, I think. Or at least, to... start seeking what I want," he says, rubbing his head... "Though I think I want time to recover first.." he really doesn't feel too well.
Angela	A social animal. The pain in the cheek will fade in a few minutes, the pain in the wrists will fade in a day. The memory of that nervous system will linger for a week. Angela offers Ishirou a hand up. She shakes her head at the mention. "Do not apologize," She says dryly, without heat. "I enjoyed this particular rescue." Angela nods to Ishirou. Perhaps it helped, perhaps not. It is always difficult to know for sure with Ishirou, but she can be patient. She can be very patient. Binah sips her tea through a chute that has opened up leading directly into the her box-shaped body. "Ah, a pity." Binah says. "You simply retain the usual amount of madness."