Scene #8576: What Is There To Hold On To

Owner	Pose
Hibiki Tachibana	Petra Soroka texts \| heyyyyy bikki! i miss you, wanna hang out??? Hibiki catches the text almost as soon as it's sent, solely because she's already thumbing through her phone. There's a veritable horde of messages piled up that have gone mostly untouched, as if that would somehow keep them out of mind - with a few marked as read yet still unreplied to, from the times she couldn't help but have a glance. The one pulled up right now though has a different sender from those; a 'Thank you...' accompanied by bunny and cat emojis, along with one showing suspiciously meaty-looking bread. That's the message that she's staring at with a distantly fond look on her face that no one else is around to see, and then Petra's comes in and she locks up where she sits. The breath she was in the middle of making freezes and stops partway. It feels like her heart skips a couple of beats, too. For five whole minutes that feels like a lot less, anything and everything on her mind beforehand slips away to make room for confusion, awkwardness, and maybe even-- Petra Soroka texts \| its qetra!!!!! Oh. Right. As soon as that clarification is given, she has to berate herself for getting even a tiny bit hopeful. That was stupid of her. In the first place, it wouldn't have even made any sense. And that didn't even read like anything Petra would send, even as a joke. Maybe she just hasn't changed as much since Petra got out from jail as she'd like to think. And she /wants/ her and Lilian to come after her, so what gives? Her fingers move lethargically over each letter, glad that tone can't be discerned over long-distance texts. oh you got ahold of her phone, i guess that's not surprising after the radio thing the last time we saw each other we were fighting over that emerald you know yeah lol :P wasnt a good time to talk!! thats what i mean neways petras sleeping today and im bored and miss you Her voice catches again, for some reason, even though she's not using it or saying anything. The dry swallow after doesn't help, and she draws her legs up where she sits. It takes her some time to process what to even respond with. id kind of lik to talk to you too so i dont mind like* if youre not going to get found out at least im not doing anything important anyway oooooh a midnight tryst!~~~~ a secret rendezvous~ with a friend on the run~ ill keep your secrets bikki no matter wht happens between us in the dead of night Did she misspell trust or something? She didn't...? Hibiki pauses to do a dictionary search. 'A private romantic rendezvous between lovers.' That's a dramatic way of putting it, but messing around like that is why she if she wasn't already, there's zero doubt she's sure it has to be Qetra and not Petra. Then...
Hibiki Tachibana	. . . and youre wrong!!! i dont know anything ever at all see you 2nite bikki <3 put what where Rearrange the keyboard to put what and what together? She really is confusing. Glossing over that, however, Hibiki goes still and grips down onto her phone a little bit tighter. It really is stupid to go see her. Even talk to her. Like she said, the last time they saw each other - really spoke at all, ever, past that moment on the Infinity Train - was when Qetra was party to Petra doing undeniably villainous acts that displaced a horrendous amount of refugees. And if you ignore that, it's still something that'll probably only cause problems, whether Petra finds out it happened or not... Her thumb hovers over the screen, then presses down slowly. yeah ill see you tonight qetra She was right, back when she talked to Dysnomia. Something really must be wrong with her. . . . The locale is the same as when Rose had come meeting with Hibiki, actually. On the far side of a massive and sweeping river, where an equally massive bridge nearby stretches across the way to a horizon-to-horizon cityscape shining brilliantly in the darkness of night. This side, the one she sits on now, isn't within the city limits--a forest is at her back, and she sits on a small beach on the coastline to watch the star-blotting skyline from afar. Once again, it likely says something that she's having the meetup here and not somewhere actually over there. By the time Qetra comes around, she'll once again be poring over something on her phone, the dull light still not quite illuminating her face as much as all of the glare making it across the water.
Petra Soroka	Petra's apartment is dark, curtains pulled shut, even though it's midday. Petra herself called off work today, instead remaining in her dog bed to alternate between fitful sleep and desolate wakefulness. She's been in this state ever since parting with Dianna and Elara at the Factory, after hearing Jay's dying hopes for the children of space. Despite the stuffy silence of the room, Qetra is active, sprawled on her stomach across both of the two folding chairs that Petra owns. She finishes sending '<3' to Hibiki on Petra's phone, a smile spreading across her face, and then rolls over to try to sit up and slams her head on the back of the chair. Qetra whines in pain and drops the phone clattering to the ground, causing Petra to stir on her cushion. "Buh?" "Nooo, shhh, go back to sleep." "Oh... night." "Oh, here's your phone back, ajoeto. I used it to text Bikki." "Huhhh. Okay. Thanks, Qetra..." Mission 'Don't Get Found Out' complete! Petra has been lulled back to sleep before Qetra sneaks out. Qetra basically memorized the coordinates that Hibiki sent her, anyways, she'll be fine without any direction. That evening . . . Qetra emerges from the woods, coming from the absolutely wrong direction, and lights up upon seeing Hibiki. "There you are! I've been looking everywhere." Looking at her, it's easier to believe that they're sisters, rather than identical copies. Qetra's blonde hair is dyed with a purple undertone, held back by Eggman-style welders goggles on her forehead. Her heart hairclips, that Hibiki had noticed before, are in the same positions, still mirroring Hibiki's own. Around her neck is the black leather collar with a gold lily ornament, that Hibiki hasn't ever gotten a close look at due to Petra's efforts. She wears a cropped graphic t-shirt (the top says 'KICKING IT'-- is is unknown what the rest must have said before being cropped), exposing the smooth, human skin of her arms, and also exposing the blotchy purple birthmark spread across her stomach, over which a softly gold-glowing symbol of a Celtic-knotted sunburst is branded. The most jarring part, though, and the part that makes it impossible to believe they're really the same person, is the smile on her face. Qetra practically beams as she bounces over to Bikki, pulling twigs and leaves out of the legs of her jeans along the way. She practically skids into a fall on the sand, kicking up some of it with how carelessly she runs, and slides into a sitting position right next to Bikki. "A starlit beach, huh? You sure know how to pick a locale, Bikki~" Qetra sighs happily, and the moment she's settled, she leans onto Hibiki's shoulder, like she just got done with a sprint and needs the support, without being out of breath. "Are you staying away from home still? How are you sleeping? Is Miku alright? Are you just willing to talk to me as a vicarious stand-in for a version of Petra that won't get mad at you?"
Hibiki Tachibana	Qetra coming from the wrong direction would probably be more noteworthy for Hibiki if several other things weren't better at getting her focus. Among those is 'Qetra herself', despite the fact she's seen her twice before now, and it really only reinforces why she's able to see her and Petra as different individuals from one another. The ensemble she's wearing is a big part of that, at least half from all sorts of aspects she was never able to notice before, whether because of other distractions or Petra's own interference. There's the decorated collar - if so many parts of her appearance are taken from other people, is that from...? Even besides that, it's the first time she's gotten to see what's on her stomach. And that's /absolutely/ not something she ever recalls Petra having anything close to. It's difficult to tell if that or the very un-Petra-like look on her face is catching her attention more when she glances over her shoulder at the sound of the equally un-Petra-like tone of voice, even if it is the same one. "...I just kind of like the view from here," she says to brush off the mentions of where they are, while clicking her phone into standby mode and sliding it back into a jacket pocket. What's not quite as easy to brush off, through her best efforts to try and keep herself from showing any strong reactions, is when Qetra just slides on in and settles against her. Hibiki doesn't...pull away, but she does tense up a little - almost definitely in some form of confusion - as her jaw slackens and she blinks. More than just the ordinary brand of it, it's the storm of questions combined with 'Petra but not Petra' so casually leaning up against her like this, that leaves her unable to put together words right away. "I--um." Her eyes find the far end of the beach. "...Yeah. And not as good as I'd like. Miku--" Despite trying, the sentence dies out into an almost pitiful-sounding, quiet noise as her head angles down. When she speaks up again, it's notably quieter. "--she's safe with...everyone else. And it'll be better in the long run if I'm not there right now." That's not necessarily an answer, and it's not like the next thing is any easier to answer either. "...I gotta look pretty pathetic right now, but I hope it's not enough that you think I'd just think of you as...some substitute or something like that." There's a shuffle in place, though it's again not really done with the intent to try and get Qetra to stop leaning onto her. "...There's a lot I'd wanna talk to you about, but...why me exactly? If you were just lonely, there's--a bunch of other people you could have went off to so you wouldn't be bored. ...Lilian or anyone else."
Petra Soroka	When Qetra gets closer, Hibiki's suspicions are confirmed, if only because there's no way it could be from anyone else. The flawlessly precise stitching in the leather, the gold of the petals being so intricately detailed that it could be mistaken for a real gilded flower-- not only is it overwhelmingly obviously Lilian's, but it gives off the impression that it's more valuable than everything else about Qetra, including Qetra herself. Not just in a monetary sense; it draws attention more than Qetra's own face does, as if imbued with gravity. "...I just kind of like the view from here," Qetra pokes a finger in her cheek and pouts snottily. "You're looking in the wrong direction to say that." She immediately reverts back to her good humor, and hums to herself tunelessly while looking out across the river. "It's pretty!" When Hibiki stiffens up and starts stammering, Qetra senses an opportunity like a shark smelling blood. "You're tongue-tied already, Bikki?~ Take your time, I'm patient! Besides, it's cute that you get like this." Just to make it that much worse, Qetra uses Hibiki's brief stunlock to intertwine their arms together, still leaning against her. "It's good that Miku's okay. But she's scared for you, isn't she?" Qetra rolls her neck lazily, her eyes closed, as relaxed as she can be. Even though she's warm, there's no feeling of a pulse, where her arm is pressed against Hibiki's. "She's right to be. You're acting pret~ty stupid, Bikki!" Qetra giggles. "But that's more your style than acting smart, anyways. You'd just fuck up even worse if you did that." "Hmm~ hmm. You've got that backwards, Bikki. It's more pathetic of you to think of me as anything else! If it's not because you're lonely and missing her, it's because you're lonely and missing everyone! And you'd be wrong, anyways." Qetra flashes a peace sign and sticks her tongue out. "I am just a substitute!" With her free hand, Qetra starts pushing together a small lump of sand, patting it into a dome. As she talks, she pokes her fingers in to make a smiley face, then presses her palm to it and slowly mushes it back into the beach. "Be a little pathetic, Bikki. You've got nothing else going on, right? And time's running out. You know that." "Why wouldn't it be you?" Qetra's tone is innocent, wide-eyed. It's not a rhetorical question, so much as it is probing Hibiki for the reasons why she thinks it was her. "You're a part of me, after all. You're a part of her. That doesn't stop just because she thinks about torturing you sometimes, you know?" "... Besides." Qetra laughs quietly, twisting the wooden and brass beaded bracelets around. "It's better that I come visit you, than one of the ones she'd be really mad at me about."
Hibiki Tachibana	Against everything, including her own efforts to try and seem like she's not as shaken up by this whole meeting as she actually is, can't really stand up to Qetra's physicality and total lack of restraint when it comes to saying what's on her mind. In more ways than just one. The arm-loop is one, and she has to hold back another example of being tongue-tied as a tinge of red comes to her face without her full understanding of exactly why. She's not used to being close in this sort of way with...anyone other than Miku, actually. And a reflection of Petra, out of everyone, doing it without a single care is making it difficult to know how to respond. Miku's name coming up again is a good enough jolt though, and her face shifts from surprised to...a little crestfallen. "...She definitely is. And she's the one person I don't want to hurt, ever. But now, no matter what I do, I'll still end up..." Hibiki trails off with a strained frown at Qetra turning what she said back on her--and even more at what comes after, with her eyes following every bit of the little sand dome's creation and destruction. That brutal honesty combined with the earnest and genuine question only moments later is enough to make her crack just a small amount - and before she knows it, some of her own weight is resting back to where Qetra leans up against her. "...It is," she agrees with a slight hollow edge to her voice. "I just wish they'd get it over with already. I'm doing what I think is the right thing to do, but...the longer it takes, the harder it gets. Maybe that's how it should be, when it's something this stupid. Anybody else would have dropped it and done all this differently. They wouldn't still care, either. ...And they also probably wouldn't be having some friendly chat with you right now." Surprisingly - or not - the interlocked arms that Qetra brought together are drawn /closer/ together for a second, in a brief tensing. Hibiki's eyes are still set on where the sand was disturbed. "A part of both of you," she repeats. "It sure doesn't feel like it most of the time. It's not like she has a reason to be attached to me at all anymore, either. She has Lilian, and Angela, and Cinder...and all sorts of other people to care about and care about her now." "...I'm just someone that's let her down over and over again. Same with Lilian. Why would she want to do anything /but/ torture me, even?" There's a long pause, before she slumps a little where she sits, turning her head just enough to catch that embellished, attention-grabbing collar as if it proves something about her point. Although even if she doesn't say it out loud, it's obvious that 'having a Petra that won't get mad at her' gets to her. "...Look at me talking. As if I'm much different when it comes to her. Either of them."
Petra Soroka	When Hibiki jolts at Miku's name, Qetra's eyes lock onto her face. Her gaze roams steadily around, taking her expression in without any regard to the politeness of staring, and doesn't take any special notice of Hibiki's own eyes, like she's looking at a painting rather than a face. Qetra's eyes-- despite the fact that she's apparently made of meat, or at least not Silver-- are patterned with concentric circles and infinitely complex optic sensors, just like Petra's are. "Well, it would've come to this eventually, with those two. So it's fine~ nothing to worry about, because the hurt was always going to happen from the start." Hibiki draws Qetra's arm slightly closer, and Qetra matches that twice over, lacing her fingers through Hibiki's and pressing closed to lay her other hand on Hibiki's arm. She tilts her head to stare at Hibiki unwaveringly, still not quite meeting her eyes correctly, seemingly captivated by Hibiki's desolate tone. "It's the stupid and fucked up choice. Anyone else would do something normal! But not you, since you're fucked up and stupid! That's probably the one thing that can save you, you know." Her fingers trace lightly up Hibiki's arm, across her shoulder, to gently splay across her neck. "Being normal is suicide. You're just wrong about who you're fucked up and stupid for. It always has to be for someone. Being that for everyone just makes you an extension of them." "Choosing what becomes part of her is a skill she tried to develop forever, Bikki~ it's not like the rest of you even think about it. You're just, um... like glue traps dragged across the ground." Qetra giggles for just a second or two too long, and leans in even closer, gradually twisting so they're not just side to side anymore. "But I think she'd choose to carve a piece out of you even if she could choose perfectly. You're pretty interesting, you know?" Qetra, seeing Hibiki glance at the collar, tilts her chin up to give her a better look, smug and proud. "Not as much as her of course. But if you want to measure up to Lilian, then get in line, ahaha!" That's your problem, Bikki. You always hope things can be better with them, but you're never able to go far enough to take the next step. Hope makes you give up when it gets a little too hard." Qetra closes her eyes and takes a deep breath of the summer air, buzzing with insect calls. When she opens them again, she's angled fully in front of Hibiki's face, uncomfortably close and glassily-focused. "Obsession pushes you farther. Away from them and into us." Up close, fingers intertwined, with that hazy and unstuck look on her face, Qetra's scentless breath is warm on Hibiki's face. "She's a little hopeful about you too, Bikki~"
Hibiki Tachibana	'It would've come to this eventually, with those two.' That's not wrong. That's why she's doing it this way in the first place, isn't she? Because throughout everything, all the time that has passed since Petra became a part of their lives, everything has been on a slow spiral downward. No small portion of it has been because of Hibiki herself. Her jumbled-up tangle of sentiments around Lilian and Petra. All the times she did the wrong thing, or /no/thing. Mess after mess after screw-up after mess. The idea of a slow and steady and bit-by-bit fixing there is a vast wall with no handholds. Try to climb it as she is, and she'll just fall further down each time, from her own emotional outbursts like in Rita's New York to losing heart like during the meeting to a dozen other things. Over and over and over, as she has so many times already. A wall so insurmountable that it all the others she also has to scale seem that much steeper. Maybe 'compromised', as a certain someone had described Petra's effect on several members of the Watch, has always applied to her. It can't be fixed, little by little. The incapability of doing something as ridiculously simple as 'trying to have a friendship with people I care about' is gut-wrenchingly frustrating. Only something stupid and fucked up and reckless has the potential to jolt it into something else, one way or another. For better or worse. The start of improvement, or at last being able to make herself give up. "Ah..." Hibiki snaps back out of the chaos of her own head and heart, just in time to let the glue trap analogy sift by (in some ways, she's might be the biggest and stickiest glue trap of them all), and to acknowledge that Qetra is now considerably more in front of her--and how interesting she's thought of. "Lilian..." Her eyes, once more, fall onto the collar so openly presented. "...Measure up. It's not like I need to be the most important person to her...to either, even if I don't like how things are between them. 'Good enough' would be...plenty for me. But that's the difference between me and her, isn't it...?" "Lilian is the hero, trying as hard as she can to be good even when she knows she isn't, and always doing her best...even when it's so hard on her. So it's only right I'm the villain, because all the best intentions in the world don't mean crap when everything comes out...the way it has. When I'm just making it even harder for her. It'd be one thing if I was doing my best, too. Like I promised I would. ...I really haven't been." But with this--
Hibiki Tachibana	It hits her, as if on an eye-widening delay, just how close Qetra has actually gotten. Hibiki Tachibana has a weird relationship with physical contact, which is how it got this far at all, but the breath beating against her face finally makes some kind of synapse fire. She stares back into that unfocused gaze for a whole second-- --and then pulls back so abruptly that she nearly falls onto her back, immediately much more crimson in the face as she rapidly struggles to decide if she's going to look left, right, up, back at Qetra, or nowhere at all. Likewise, her arm can't seem to figure out if it's trying to slip away or holding on tighter, like someone drowning instinctively grasping for the nearest person. "I-I--um--...I-I just...w-when you say 'hopeful', I dunno what y-you even mean by--" Is she reading too much into it? Was she missing some kind of sign or something? When she used 'tryst' did she actually mean it literally!? "Look, Q-Qetra, I'm n-not--" Wait, if she's a reflection of Petra, lacking in her same kind of restraints, does that mean Petra...? "--h-how am I s'posed to even s-start to...to..." The level of tongue-tying from before was nothing compared to this. Obsession!? Away from them and into us-- ...Away from them and into us. Something about that stops Hibiki, in the middle of all her flustered shuffling around. It slows her movements, and while she's in the process of trying to look anywhere but Qetra's strange, glossed-over eyes or the collar on her neck, her eyes have a brief moment where they widen further and then settle, as if staring at something far off. Her voice likewise drops down in volume. "...Hey. Qetra. Can I...ask something important?"
Petra Soroka	"It's not like I need to be the most important person to her...to either, even if I don't like how things are between them." Qetra lowers her chin to respond to Hibiki, but grabs her wrist to guide Hibiki's hand to her neck, refusing to let her ignore that the collar's there. Qetra's almost sitting on top of Hibiki at this point, adjusting closer every time she moves slightly. If nothing else, it's an overwhelmingly honest indication that Qetra did miss Hibiki. "Oh~? You 'don't like' it? What's between them is the best thing that's ever happened to Petra, and at least close to the best thing for Lilian. You'd better mean that you're just jealous, ahaha~! If you mean the other thing, they'd be right to kill you." Finally all of Qetra's overtly pushy flirting gets through Hibiki Tachibana's useless lesbian mind. Qetra is practically adhered to Hibiki, so when she pulls away, Qetra's support is pulled out from under her and she loses balance too. She falls forwards with a little 'Whoops!', knocking Hibiki backwards into the sand too, and she giggles while lying there on top of her shoulder. "Wow, Bikki~ you're stuttering so much, but you're acting so forwards." Qetra rolls over, positioning herself more comfortably to cuddle up against Hibiki. "Look at me, being so~ reckless. I'm secretly meeting with a murderer on the run, out here in the wilderness, completely unarmed! You could do whatever you wanted to me, and no one would ever know~" "Oh, wait." Qetra reaches down and pulls her pant leg up, exposing the Banana gun strapped to her ankle. She pulls it out of the holster, and tosses it away into the woods. "Okay, now I'm unarmed. Nooo~oooo~!" Qetra hums and gazes up at the stars. "Remind me to get that later. I'll forget otherwise!" Qetra falls silent for a brief, precious moment, and after Hibiki asks that question, she's silent for a little longer. When she responds, her voice matches Hibiki's, a little quieter than before. "I don't know anything about anything important, you know. I'm just a silly little idiot girl. But you can ask me anything you want. I just like talking with you."
Hibiki Tachibana	"Wah--!? Wait a sec--!" Admittedly, Hibiki wasn't thinking about the both of them going for a tumble down onto the ground when she had such a violent reaction. She lets out an unexpectedly(?) girly yelp as displaced sand splatters all into her hair and even gets annoyingly caught inside her jacket sleeves and shoes. It's more disorienting than any serious hurt, which leaves her totally defenseless to Qetra's resumed teasing and pushing up against her. Physically, and also emotionally, with the brief pause to toss the banana gun away drawing out a hazy blink as if struggling to catch up with what's happening, despite the shift towards seriousness she directed the conversation towards. Her question doesn't come right away. Instead, Hibiki spends a moment just looking back at her. Taking in the fact that even with everything going on, they're still right here, in this moment, doing something as carelessly stupid as falling down into a messy heap on the beach together. And Qetra is still able to so casually mess around with her without missing a beat. No, not messing around. Qetra is a lot of things, plenty of them awful, but one of them is... ...genuine. Not a bit of this is fake. None of it at all. And in a better world, she'd be doing something exactly this silly with Petra herself, without any worries. All of it, now that she's mostly gotten past the initial embarrassment, is enough to make her snicker. And then giggle. And then laugh. And laugh even more, until her voice starts choking up and losing steam, and liquid builds up in the corner of her eyes. With Qetra already laying against her, it's not really that much effort to get a solid grip on her shoulders, then bring one arm and then the other around her properly. It's too easy, even, to abruptly pull her in a little closer still, the sudden shift enough to make it seem dangerously possible that all of the other girl's efforts have finally paid off. She did go and leave herself defenseless, didn't she? But the tight clinging onto her isn't really that sort of embrace at all. Arms loop around her sides and cross over her back, getting a trembling and quivering hold keeping their weights pressed together. There's no eye contact - or as near as you can get with Qetra - with Hibiki's face pressed down into her violet-streaked hair. It's the way someone clutches onto something important that they desperately don't want to lose. "I'm sorry...I-I'm sorry...this really is s-so stupid...and pathetic...even after I said I wouldn't treat you like a s-substitute..." Sobs are choked back down, but her unsteady voice can't be. "I-I like talking with you, too. It's just been so long since--...all the way back then...the last time I was able to be anything close to this with her...w-with either of..."
Hibiki Tachibana	And her hold tightens, fingers scrambling against the other girl's back, on the border but not quite crossing over into being painful. "O-Of course I'm jealous...and mad, and s-sad--I want them to have more, I don't /want/ them to h-have to hate everyone else, for 'them' and 'us' to happen...but I'm n-not even good enough to give them /myself!/ Even i-if it's the best thing for them, it's s-still not...there's still so many things that...!" Whatever she's trying to get out gives way to a wracking shudder running through her body. "I'm s-sorry that I did everything wrong...I'm sorry I-I made everything worse and not better...I didn't stop you when I should have...I didn't know what to do...t-the things to say...I didn't understand...even when I wanted to fix it, i-instead I just..." Rather than Qetra, it sounds like she's pleading to someone else entirely. Maybe even more than just one 'someone'. It's hard to say. "You...you told me the kind of person you were so many times...s-so many things I cared about...should have protected...! I've br-broken so many promises and let so many people down...whatever I did that made me 'the most heroic person you know'--...I must have stopped ages ago. Or m-maybe you just also saw something...that wasn't there..." "B-But, you know...?" There's a heavy sniffle, and a sand-disturbing shift of weight. "I said t-that...the 'you' I saw was real. And if she wasn't...I'd keep believing until she was. Until everyone could see it. T-That...never changed. Even when it really should've. Not even once..." She can't go back and hold Miku like this, the sunshine who'd never blame her for anything in the entire world, no matter how overwhelmingly badly her heart craves it right now. She can't collapse against Petra or Lilian like this, the ones she wants to more than anything, with all her messy feelings in the way and with words and crying alone being unable to fix a single thing. So it's Qetra, who doesn't care how pathetic she shows herself to be, who's so very close to Petra even in all the ways she's different, the proof that at least some of her screwed-up and well-meaning efforts actually meant something, that she holds on to. She remembers what she was going to ask, what 'them' or 'us' stirred back into her. "...H-Hey. What we were going to imagine...together." "Am I s-still...wishing for it alone, Qetra...?"
Petra Soroka	Qetra's teasing smirk fades to a vacant smile, silently letting her gaze drift away from Hibiki while she gets through her laughing fit. It's effortless for Hibiki to grab her-- she feels so fragile, not just compared to Petra, but compared to anyone. There's not an ounce of restraint in her body when she's pulled close, not even any instinctual muscular tension in response to the sudden movement, like she's a toy. She only shifts at all to gently cup Hibiki's cheek with her hand, otherwise being pulled around at Hibiki's whims. "You really are stupid, and pathetic. Didn't I say that's fine?" Her thumb brushes through the tears leaking out of Hibiki's eyes, tracing the moisture around like she's playing with it. "When I say 'I' like talking to you, it's not like I just mean Qetra, you know. 'Qetra' isn't enough to fill up 'I' all on my own~ so she has to make up the rest." "Though, it's the same for her, ahaha." Her hand brushes through Hibiki's hair, toying with her hairclips. "She's not enough of a person on her own either, so she fills in the gaps with everyone else. Mostly Lilian, at this point, ahaha." Even if Hibiki's scrabbling at her back is painful, Qetra gives no sign of it. She's as subdued as Hibiki's ever heard her be, which is similar to, but distinctly different from, being soothing. It's not just her blunt word choice that makes her not come across as relaxing, but the fact that her careless tone doesn't shift at all during the oscillations of Hibiki's moods, like she simply can't recognize them to address them any differently. "'Them' and 'us' aren't things they invented, you know. Getting rid of the sides just means dragging them back to yours, and they're sick of that~ haven't you done enough of that already?" Hand down the back of Hibiki's neck, then across her back. It'd feel like a love language, if not for the always-distant way Qetra looks at people. Instead it feels like being examined, like an artifact rather than a person. "Or you could say you want to drag the world to their side, but Petra tried that already! She tried it with you, even. Lilian's friends couldn't even tolerate being on her side." "Only her devoted." Qetra hums to herself, and with Hibiki's head pressed into her neck, she's able to hear the weird lack of resonance to the way the sound originates in Qetra's throat, rather than her chest. "If you're so jealous, you should just put yourself in a cage like that a few more times! You'd have a mark of ownership too in no time!" The dissonance in Qetra's behavior with Hibiki's emotions peaks when she leans in while Hibiki is choking back a sob, murmuring with a teasing lilt in her voice. "Maybe that's why you're doing all of this~? You can just say so, you know~ though that won't make it hurt any less."
Petra Soroka	There's no one better to plead at as if she isn't there than Qetra. Being squeezed like a pillow while Hibiki chokes out her feelings and regrets about the two other girls is her natural state, and she's happy not to respond until addressed again. Far from limply ignoring Hibiki, though, she drinks in every word, thrilled to be able to hear all of it. "I don't see a future where the world sees the version of me that you do. I don't even see her. I don't even see a future at all. But...." But I'll try to trust you. I'll, I can't make that future now, I can't want it badly enough, but maybe I can imagine imagining it. If that time comes, we can wish for it together." "Well, she's alive still, isn't she?" Qetra's response to the heavy question is lighthearted and thoughtful, like she's figuring it out as she talks, and genuinely wants Bikki's input. She's alive, and she's fighting for the person she loves most. Isn't that the Petra you wanted to see? Or were you imagining one that'd include you no matter what, too? Even at the cost of the Petra that she wanted to be?"
Hibiki Tachibana	It'd be easy - so, so easy - to not actually listen to a single word that Qetra says. Let every single word become white noise filtered out and left to drift by while she gets out everything she can't get out anywhere or with anyone else. It'd also be easy to get angry with her, with her unchanging way of wording things, how she absolutely cannot /be/ any other way, even in a moment like this. Frustrating, that there's no meeting of emotion partway. Something so alien to someone like her that it feels unreal, even as it also feels like she's gripping onto Petra. In a way, that's also kind of comforting. "Not enough...o-on her own...and she still took a little bit of..." Everything you said to me was meaningful. Eveyrthing i siad was important too. A shaky breath beats out of her into Qetra's hair, as she's forced to acknowledge that ugly truth that comes after that - that despite Petra trying, despite how she feels even now, Petra trying with her didn't work, and the lines in the sand are drawn. It's still not working. She can try to get herself beaten into functioning better, like a tension release, but doing the same for the rest of the world even just her two hands would be impossible. And if Petra, so wrapped up with Lilian as she is, can't do it...she definitely wouldn't be able to, even if she wanted to. There's no way to put everyone on the same side, the same page. And isn't that what plenty of people have tried to get into her skull? That she can't just sit and not pick a side? If she doesn't, she'll get swept along, unable to make her own decisions or follow her own heart. "That's /not/ what I want at all..." Hibiki forces out through her teeth, a few moments after Qetra brings up that 'mark', and she squeezes tighter. "I just...even just being 'friends' has to be so, so hard...and I don't know if it's me, or them, or both, o-or..." Well, she's alive still, isn't she? Hibiki stops in place, her choking and sobbing giving way for a muffled gasp as her squinted-shut eyes open back up. She's alive, and she's fighting for the person s h e loves most. Isn't that the Petra you wanted to see? Or... ...were you imagining one that'd include y o u no matter what, too? Even at the cost of the Petra that s h e wanted to be? ...Is that what she was doing? Is that how it is?
Hibiki Tachibana	Is she able to ask for a different way of things, when Petra not only is still here, but able to be the 'hero' she thought she couldn't be, for someone she cares for--that Hibiki couldn't do herself? /Why/ is she not satisfied with that, when just this much was unthinkable once? Is it because... That tight, tight hold finally loosens up. Arms once desperately tight slip away as easily as the sand underneath them, as Hibiki shifts to lay onto her back, the leftover runoff of messy tears crawling down her cheeks as she stares up at the night sky. The light pollution from the nearby city can't blot the stars out, at least all the way over here. Ten seconds pass in silence. "The Petra I wanted to see...would be able to smile so easily, and do it for real. The earnest, honest Petra that I saw back then...that even she thought was fake. ...But she managed to become real enough...didn't she? Not in the way I wanted, but she did. With all of them. That's the 'her' that Angela sees, and believes in, and trusts completely. ...She'd have never done that if any of it was fake." Hibiki's voice, although loaded with feeling before, hasn't gone hollow. It'd be easy to mistake it for that. But it's more 'distant' - a hundred different memories and conversations replaying in her head, while she focuses on one pinprick point of light overhead. "...I guess I did want to be there, too. I wanted to, so badly. With her and Lilian. I wanted to bridge the gap between 'them' and 'us'. Make everything better. Eventually...I realized I couldn't. So I thought--I could at least be content with them all having each other." "...And I couldn't do that, either. All the arguing. All the hurt. It felt like they were happy 'with each other', but not 'happy'. Just clinging onto what they could get, because people like me could never give it. I hated that. I hated that Petra was still horrible, and selfish, and cruel, and it all came naturally--and that Lilian was done expecting anyone else to be anything. And I hated myself. I didn't know what to do, even with myself. All my own hurt about it is what kept coming out..." She only stops to dry swallow. "...And now we're here. If I'm never included, that's...okay." It's not. But it's a much more bearable, normal ache than this insufferable one. "They both have an excuse to take out all the pain on me now--everything I've ever added on to what they were already dealing with. If I can't be on their side...that's the best thing I can give them. And me." Hibiki scoffs, although it just comes out as a vaguely choked hiccup while her still-wet eyes shut. "You know...w-when I put it all out there like that, I think you were wrong. I think 'obsessed' is what I've been the whole time. I was so caught up on all the parts of it I hated, I couldn't see the parts where that wish already came true...without me. No wonder she's passed me by so much." "...Maybe after this, she'll at least be able to enjoy talking to me again, too."
Petra Soroka	Qetra giggles in Hibiki's ear, airy and unrestrained, when Hibiki voices her disagreement wth being owned. She always sounds out of it, somewhere in the realm of being drugged or insane, like she's only half talking to the person in front of her while looking at something vast and incomprehensible beyond them. "No~? You just want to be 'friends', huh? Isn't it time you stop being that half-hearted? Keeping your distance just means you can abandon them when they do something that disgusts you, and they can tell~" Her low, singsong whisper is mocking and gentle at the same time, carelessly sweet in a way Hibiki's never heard from Petra but she can so easily imagine. "If you really want them to trust you, you should just learn to speak their language. It's all... sex and devotion and pain. 'Friends' only ever let them down." As if unaware of the magnitude of effect that her airheaded musings had on Hibiki, Qetra hums tunelessly to herself while Hibiki stiffens up and falls silent. She's just happy to be here, and when Hibiki slips out of the embrace, she interprets that as readjusting for comfort, rather than anything symbolic. "That girl could never smile that easily and be happy. She can't be happy unless it's hard for her to smile, and she does it anyways." "Just look at me! I'm always smiling~" Qetra presses a finger into her cheek, beaming. She curls up in Hibiki's arm, rolled halfway onto her chest to cuddle as if they're on a bed rather than the beach. "That's why we're different. She has it harder, and she needs it harder. So she smiles for real, all the time! But she doesn't do it easily." "Just clinging onto what they could get, because people like me could never give it." Qetra bobs her head up and down in agreement, which Hibiki can feel even without looking at her from the movement of her cheek on her shoulder. Qetra waits patiently as Hibiki elaborates, unwilling to interrupt being confided in. "Ahaha. But you're right! That's how it works. You people are the reason why they thought they should settle for less than what they deserved. If they're only happy with each other, that's your fault." "So how can you blame them for being happy with each other? Why would Petra risk Lilian's turn by reaching out to someone who refuses to be as devoted as she needs?" The way Qetra lays her arm across Hibiki in a one-armed hug is so at odds with the words coming out of her mouth, but like Hibiki intuited, she means all of it exactly as sincerely. "If she'd compromise for you, the way you are, then she wouldn't be the Petra you both imagined she could be. She's gone past you, and you haven't changed at all to keep up."
Petra Soroka	Qetra shifts around and starts to roll over, and makes a small noise of pain when something digs into her thigh. She contorts around to reach down to her jeans pocket without separating too much from Hibiki, a feat of flexibility that leaves her squirming around for multiple minutes while Hibiki continues talking, making pitiful noises of exertion. Eventually, finally, she manages withdraw something from her pocket, a plastic bag wrapped around a fist-sized object, tied with a bow. "Oh! I forgot this was in here." Qetra places the package on Hibiki's chest, patting it while Hibiki chokes back a sob. "It's your birthday Wednesday, right? I found this in a store on the way over and thought about you, so here! Happy birthday, Bikki. You can think of it like it's from her, but you shouldn't tell her that." Inside the package, after removing the crude wrapping, is a cute standalone speaker, themed like a dog. It's meant for outdoors use, as it says on the box, and connects to your phone. "I thought it might get boring out here! Did you know that the Kana couldn't even play music on its own?" Cheerfully settling back into snuggling, Qetra returns to the last thoughts that Hibiki expressed before the gift-giving. You are clingy! That's a good start~ but if you're really, actually obsessed, you should start showing it." She adds, quieter, "I don't think it's too late. But I'm wrong about lots of things!" "If she got the chance, after--" Qetra is cut off by Hibiki's phone vibrating as a text message alert pops up. "Oh, you should check that. I had fun on our date, though~" PHONE: Phoning Hibiki Tachibana, Petra Soroka texts \| tachibana
Hibiki Tachibana	Isn't it time you stop being that half-hearted? 'Friends' only ever let them down. "Yeah." Hibiki gives listless agreement, but only to that much. It's not possible for her to have the same kind of relationship with them they have to each other, and that's not what she wants either. They're just too fundamentally 'different' with what drives them. Even so, is there no world where she can't be a good enough 'friend'? "...Everyone speaking different languages only ever hurts, huh? Pain..." Something in her heart both can't accept that, yet also acknowledges it as a universal one. Shared hurt. She can't be happy unless it's hard for her to smile. She has it harder, and she needs it harder. So she smiles for real, all the time! But she doesn't do it easily. Because they've been through more. And it's pretty obvious to everyone, I think, that I'm not one of those people. Those words, given even further back then the day that's been so on her mind, come back to her mind in the haze of dozens of others. Nothing comes out of Hibiki's mouth in response. If they're only happy with each other... So how can you blame them for being happy with... If she'd compromise for you... ...Then she wouldn't be the Petra you both imagined she could be. "That's one thing that's never changed...has it? All the other problems start with me never figuring myself out." Even not stopping Petra herself from causing so much hurt can be traced back to her enabling her instead of doing anything about it. The one-armed hug isn't reciprocated, but it's not pulled away from either. She wants everyone to be happy, so she can't be devoted enough to abandon others. She's not strong enough to make all of them as happy as she wants to. She's so, so weak, and she knows it. Knew it enough to lock and freeze up so many times. But trying to let any of them go is unthinkable, even when it all keeps slipping between her fingers anyway. Couldn't you do something about it, if you weren't so weak? That devil on her shoulder's words have been loud, and she finds herself responding to them without even thinking. "...That's...what I'll find out after I fight them. If this can't change me for the better, nothing probably will. I'll just keep..." Being someone who can only hurt others. Maybe if that happens, she should just take Alien Reiblood's deal after all. She's so far behind on the road to 'hoping to be a better person' that making up the distance without making desperate jumps is never going to happen. "...It'd really suck if it turned out like that, wouldn't it...? All of this, and all I'd have to show for it is a bunch of meaningless words and hurt again..."
Hibiki Tachibana	Hibiki begins starting to say something else, when Qetra's shifting around and taking something out finally draws a slightly more spirited reaction out of her. Mostly due to curiosity and confusion than anything else, sob dimming down into a sniffle as she lifts her head. "My...bir--..." Her birthday. Of course, she had already resolved to spend it alone this year. Making that decision might have been one of the hardest things she had to do when she took this route of handling her issues, so she's tried to think about it as little as possible. Before a few years ago, she had gotten used to spending them all by herself. Then, each and every one of them was with Miku. It was fine. Totally fine. This would just be going back to how things used to be, only for a little bit. But something as simple as this poorly-wrapped yet thoughtful gift and the two words of happy birthday in Petra's voice punches a web of cracks into that flimsy justification. Tears begin bubbling back up in her eyes against her will, and rather than open sobbing, they just silently flow as she sits up, leaning in to rest her forehead against her knees as they scrunch up and she cradles the speaker tightly. It's hard to say how much she processes what Qetra says after, but the buzz of her phone manages to draw a tiny gasp out of her and a clumsy scramble to grab it and check the message. Petra. Right. Those texts were sent from her phone. She completely forgot. In the wake of that present being handed to her, there's a spiraling knot of too many emotions to keep track of spinning in her chest and her stomach. Her heart feels like it's wrenching in opposite directions. Maybe that's why her fingers have so much trouble staying steady when typing back, and why it takes so long to type out two small and simple words of her own.