Scene #2482: Old McBalman Had A Farm

Owner	Pose
Mortimer Balman	Early afternoon in Equestria. The sun is warm but the clouds in the sky hint at gentle rainfall later in the evening. Out on the edge of Ponyville there is a two story house half-built into a hill. Atop the hill is a cluster of trees. Beside the house there is a wolf-looking creature, almost the size of a main battle tank- it's that freaking huge. The beast is sleeping and there are several smaller shapes sleeping on top of it. On the other side of the house there is a small fenced in area about one acre in size, where there is a farm. Within the fenced area is a big black pony with a fiery red mane, wearing a sun hat, as he manipulates small tools with his hooves, tending to the soil around an acre's worth of plants. They are all growing various kinds of meat. Pork ribs, hot dogs, burgers, steaks. There is also a tree that is growing.. Bacon, oddly enough. A butterfree with an extremely British mustache can be seen fluttering around him, assisting his efforts, or fluttering into the house to fetch drinks and snacks. The warbling of chocobos can be heard from another nearby fenced off acre of land. It is a slow, peaceful day so far.
Golden	Golden looks different as a result of the pony field. A pony, with a cutie mark that looks like a very stylized sunburst in red on his haunch. The rest of the pony is weird too, mostly 'a silver metal with a sandy-colored hide. However, the head has a golden metal plate attached to it. The pony has 'saddlebags' if you will. At any rate, the golden pony trots up to the place with the giant wolf and the tree. "Hey, I'm looking for Mort Balman?"
Mortimer Balman	The great big wolf picks up the small new pony's scent and lets out a considerably loud barking sound, which wakes up an ancient and decrepit looking Absol on his back along with a very deep blue Wartortle, who both look over at the pony for a few moments, then just settle on the monstrous canine's back and go back to sleep. The beast turns its head to crane its neck to see the other two's reactions, then flumps back down itself and continues snoozing. Obviously hearing such a great loud noise, Pony!Mort comes trotting over, squinting a little at the strangely coloured youth. "Hrm. Yer a mite bit of an odd-looker for a pony. You an offworlder there too, son?" He asks while pulling a gnarled old hand-hewn wood pipe from his own actual saddlebag, puffing out a small breath of flame to light it up so he can smoke. The butterfree perches itself on his head, peering inquisitively, "<Greetings young sir, welcome to the Balman estate.>"
Golden	Golden uhs. "Yeah, I am. I've been a dragon and a small metal ball, but this is new to me." The cyborg pony just looks at the hooves he has. "So, like, does magic make these work like hands or is that another thing?"
Mortimer Balman	Mortimer shakes his head. "Nah lad, see- look at this." He holds up a hoof. "The hooves aren't /hard/. They're somewhat /flexible/. You can hold basic tools with'em, like things that're stick shaped or flat or other broadly made things. Otherwise yah use yer mouth for finer manipulations. Just requires a wee bit'a cleverness." He demonstrates by somehow gripping his pipe. "May take a bit for yah to get used to it. So anyway what can I do yah for?"
Golden	Golden hrms. "I'm Golden and we talked on the broadband channel awhile ago. You mentioned you wanted some ham from a tree." And he fishes out a large bone-in ham from the saddlebag with his mouth since he hasn't gotten the hang of hooves yet. Sets it down in front of Mort-Pony. "This is from the digital ruins I found in the Great Ruins, around where the drier parts start."
Twilight Sparkle	As the two ponies converse, another pony approaches from Ponyville. A cute little pastel purple pony with an equally purple dragon welp on her back. As they near Mortimer's home, both pony and dragon wave. "Hello Mortimer!" the pony calls out, smiling. "Who is your friend?" The dragon, less than half the size of the pony carrying him, looks on wide-eyed at Golden. "Woah! A cyborg pony! That's awesome! I bet he spends all day fighting zombie ponies!" The pony giggles. "Oh Spike. I keep telling you, there..." She trails off as she realizes that zombie ponies might very well be a thing on some alternate world, or even their own somewhere. But, she shakes her head. "..there are no zombie ponies." she says, mostly to keep Spike from going off on some tangent. She smiles to Golden. "Greetings. I am Twilight Sparkle. I am sorry to interrupt. I did not realize Mortimer had company already. Spike wanted to come by and see Mortimer, and as I had already finished my studies for the day I came along."
Mortimer Balman	Switchbait flutters off of Mort's back toward Twilight and Spike. "<Ah, Madam Sparkle, young Spike! Welcome!>" Mortimer waves a hoof at the two. "Ham tree sounds good.. I can give you a steak shrub and a hot dog vine for it, how's that sound?" He'd put the hoof to his chin in thought. Dryer clime, probably need some badlands soil for a ham tree? Maybe. Yeah, ham tree would probably retain a lot of water, so he thinks at least. Then Twilit starts talking. "Eh? Oh sure! Yer up fer more PT then, Spike m'boy? We'll have you breathin' flames hot as mine one'a these days you keep yer practice up."
Golden	Golden ehs, hoof-wobbles. "I'm called Golden, ma'am." He says to Twilight Sparkle, "And I'm not usually a pony. Whatever magic this place has did this." He glances about. "Not that changing forms is too weird. Digimon like me will change forms multiple times during our lives." He explains. "Ham trees usually like a plenty of mulch, and they need lots of water to do their thing. Plant the bone to start 'em, mix crushed charcoal in the soil if you want a smokey flavor. They're also good for bonsai trees if you've got the patience. Hot dog vines, I think that's the one you mentioned on broadband. I've got steak stalks that produce a nice chuck, what do your steak shrubs produce?" He says to Mortimer.
Twilight Sparkle	Spike Grins and nods enthusiastically while standing tall atop Twilight's back and flexing his arms. "Can't wait!" he says to Mortimer. Twilight however is blinking in confusion. "...trees that grow...meat?" Twilight seems both repulsed and intrigued by this notion. "I know you have mentioned these before, but...how can you grow meat on a tree?" she says to Mortimer. She smiles as Golden introduces himself. "Ah. Another off-world visitor. I hope you are enjoying being a pony. Don't worry, it will wear off as soon as you leave our world."
Mortimer Balman	Mortimer nods a bit, still rubbing his chin. "Yea, I figured somethin' like that.. Yeah I can do that, no problem. Ahh the steaks are.. Ribeye cuts, mostly? Couple sirloins'll pop out once in a while too. They're very juicy, though that might be how much I invest into my garden, here.. Hey Switch go get a shrub seed and a vine seed, will yah?" The butlerfree nods and dutifully flies off to a distant shed. Then to Twilight; "S'a darn good question, Twilit! Couldn't tell yah if I had a blade to my skull. Somethin' about this Digital World lets'em grow meat from plants. No idea how it works! But it's just as good as the real thing."
Golden	Golden nods. "Yeah well, if you're mystified how meat grows on plants, imagine how weird it was for me to see plants growing /other/ things when I got here. It was just the way things were in the Digital World." He says to Twilight. To Mort he says. " Rib-Eye and sirloin? Sign me up. Well, funny thing about the steak shrubs, they need to be fed fertilizer and the soil kept moist if you want sirloins consistently. Try mixing straw with the fertilizer so the water sticks around longer."
Twilight Sparkle	Twilight nods lightly at their explanations, or lack thereof. "I see. I suppose anothing is possible. But...plants and animals have completely different cell structures. A plant that grows animal cells is very unusual. But, in a digital world, the programming could allow just about anything!" She giggles. "Worlds that have problems with hunger could be easily fed by such a world!"
Mortimer Balman	Mortimer wobbles a hoof. "Sorta, Twilit. The thing is these plants, outside the Digital World? Only grow under /very/ specific soil an' nutrient circumstances. You gotta feed'em just right and keep'em well tended frequently so's they don't get ruined. These plants're /alien/ to anywhere else, remember. But I had that doctor lady help me figure this out some, and with this Goldie boy here givin' me tips, maybe I can get a franchise of some sort goin'.."
Golden	Golden ehs. "I found the ham tree and steak stalks growing /wild/, man, I just took some of the meat to grow 'em elsewhere. I guess some of them adapted to local conditions after all this time. Heck, the ham tree took over a chunk of ruin, it's so big!" He looks at Twilight Sparkle, grimacing a bit. "Good luck /finding/ a Digital World. The one I'm from was destroyed and I've only found bits and pieces in all my years of wandering around the Multiverse."
Twilight Sparkle	Twilight blinks as Mortimer explains. "Hmm. If it is so difficult to grow them outside of digital worlds, why not grow them inside digital worlds? Do the goods not transfer from digital to real like the plants do?" Then, Golden speaks up. Twilight's ears droop as she hears that Golden's world was destroyed. "Oh...I see. I am so sorry, Golden." she says, then smiles gently. "You are welcome to stay here in Ponyville if you need a home. But, I would suggest keeping your carnivorous activities behind closed doors. The regular citizens of Ponyville would no doubt be unsettled by it, even if grown from plants."
Mortimer Balman	Mortimer nods. "Yea, that's the main problem. The seeds I have /aren't/ adapted- they're "fresh" from the Digital World, so far as I know, so it was some cautious work at first. But if it adapts quickly, then, hrm. Ham tree ought to be much easier! So does the deal sound good to you, Goldie?" He flattens his ears a bit, but still chuckles. "Heh, Twilit's right. But that isn't to say they won't be /acceptin'/. Why ol' Falstaff there is a right popular beast with the little children-" He'd point at the monstrous, bestial looking Absol atop the colossal wolf, "And Ulbrecht-" The colossal wolf in question, "Is also welcome 'round most places. Mr. and Mrs. Cake are always kind enough to have a few biscuits made up for'em when I come into town. And my little Roll there simply cannot live without eatin' fish, and I daresay she's welcome anywhere in this kingdom." Pointing at the Delibird sleeping on top of the Absol. "So you needn't worry 'bout bein' shunned or nothin'."
Golden	Golden hmms. "I'll send any Digimon exiles I encounter this way then. They mostly want to be left alone. Mushrooms are a good substitute for meat plants though. I don't really want to get to attached to any one place, myself." He idly wonders if most of the digimon would get turned into ponies. The glitches and pixelation issues continue despite Golden's pony-ness, adding a further air of strangeness to the cyborg pony. Golden considers his 'hoof cannon'. "Violence tends to follow me, so it'd probably be best if I didn't stay here. Hey, what is with the pony thing anyway?"
Twilight Sparkle	"We ponies recognize that many creatures feed on meat, after all." Twilight says as Mortimer explains about Falstaff and Ulbrecht. "But, that doesn't mean we want to see someone eating a ham in front of us." she adds. She smiles to both Mortimer and Golden. "Still, that doesn't stop us from enjoying the company of creatures like Falstaff or Ulbrecht." Twilight nods to Golden. "Perhaps we could set up an area for refugees." Twilight says, rubbing a hoof at her chin thoughtfully. "Equestria is a bountiful land. If we can share that bounty with others, we should."
Mortimer Balman	Mortimer nods. "I was considerin' proposin' suchlike to the Queens in fact, Twilit, but it'd prolly be better if'n you did it rather'n me. You bein' Her Majesty's favored pupil an' me bein' a humble jarhead." Small chuckle. Switchbait comes floating back, settling on Mortimer's head again, levitating some seeds just past himself. "<Will these suffice for a trade, sir?>" Mort's ears perk a little. "Eh.. Don't worry about violence, lad. Despite how peaceful it is the locals're not so helpless as many think. And then of course, folk like me live here.." The last line is said with what may sound like a surprisingly sinister coldness for an otherwise warm and friendly old stallion. "Ah the pony thing. Equestria, as in the land itself, seems t'ask that visitin' offworlders.. Blend in a bit better. They tend to turn into ponies or dragons or gryphons or the like.. You don't have to, simply wishing not to transform does the job. Fer my part I don't care, so I just let it shift me around whenever I come in, usually. It's a very fluid an' painless transfiguration as y'can tell."
Golden	"It's more that I don't want other people to get hurt because I'm around." Golden says with a shrug. He listens to Mort's explanation, then hmms... And with a pop and bunch of pixels shifting around, the cyborg pony reverts back to the weird little MetalMamemon that he normally is. "There's a crazy black dog going around hunting digimon exiles, so there's danger involved anyway. Anyway, yeah those will be fine for trade."
Twilight Sparkle	Twilight blinks in surprise as Golden shifts back to his usual form right there in front of her. Spike too is impressed. "Wow! I wish I could transform like that!" Spike says, then hmms. "But...maybe into something a bit bigger..." Twilight smiles warmly as Golden expresses concern for them. "It is kind of you to worry about us. But, even with the danger, you are welcome to visit anytime. Any friend of Mortimer's is a friend of ours."
Mortimer Balman	Mortimer takes a mental note of that. "Well one hopes that this 'crazy black dog' will have half the common sense Mew gave to the Bidoofs and not cause trouble round someone else's territ'ry. Nonetheless- G'head, Switch." The seeds are levitated down to Golden's reach, and the butterfree levitates the other seed up. "Ham /tree/. Karian shall surely get a kick out of that, aye?" "<Indeed, sir. P'raps we should try burying it with some honey and charcoal..>" "Ooh grand idea.." Mortimer pauses mid-thought about the ham. "Oh Twilit afore I forget- talk to yer friends. See if the other girls would like to come along on a short picnic to my homeworld. Sometime next week we'll all have a grand view of the Suicune's Breath comet. Don't get to see that once but every hundred years!"
Golden	Golden ahhs and checks the hot dog vine seeds. "I've never seen these. Must be from a different digital world." He says. He bows politely to the people present. "Well, I should go off and do other things now. Nice meeting you all and I'll try to swing back around to see how the seeds are growing." And he starts walking off the direction he came from.
Twilight Sparkle	Twilight's ears perk as Mortimer mentions the comet. "Oh! I will certainly ask! Watching a comet sounds wonderful! I am sure the other girls would be happy to join us." As Golden heads off, Twilight raises a foreleg and waves. "It was nice to meet you!" she calls out to Golden.
Mortimer Balman	Mortimer nods and taps some ashes out of his pipe. "Y'have yerself a good day then, Golden! Watch yer back an' may Cressalia's eyes watch yer trail." He'd start puffing again, then turn over to look down at Spike. "Alright there, sport. Let's you an' I get ourselves goin' fer a jog first to stretch out the legs. Then we'll do some pull-ups an' fire breathin' exercises. Sound good to yah?"