Scene #7439: Community Service II

Owner	Pose
Hesinca	WARNING: THE FOLLOWING SCENE HEAVILY SPOILS SEASON ONE OF THE GOOD PLACE "Ohhh, so this is actually the Bad Place," says Hesinca. OKAY, THERE WE GO, YOU'VE BEEN SPOILED "Yes, that's what I just said," says the local demon (in the guise of a white haired elderly human named Michael), patiently. He's sitting in an office, giving a briefing on what's going on for Hesinca and everyone else who's here. Hesinca's been having a bit of trouble getting it, though. "But - the humans the four of them, think this is the Good Place and they don't belong here - that is, they don't belong in the Good Place, they definitely belong in the Bad Place because they're real stinkers." "Yes, I explained this as well," says Michael. "And so the internal conflict is eating them up inside - hence they're torturing themselves." "Yes - I thought I explained all that as well?" says Michael. "What is it that you're not getting?" "Why you put frozen yogurt shops in instead of ice cream shops," says Hesinca. "That's the part that's tripping me up." "Oh, that, we wanted to get a touch of actual direct torture in," says the human-shaped demon. The group had been brought in via train, into what was apparently a bright, cheery pastel-colored neighborhood. It looked like a really nice place, really! Someone's vision of heaven, certainly. Aside from feeling slightly 'off'. "So - you all are here as, essentially, extras. We have a script in mind, but if you're up for coming up with some creative ways to get the humans to torture themselves-" Michael claps his hands together and grins. "Hey, we're all about thinking outside of the burning spikepit of acid here at The Bad Place. Pitch me, how would you get a set of humans to tear themselves up inside?"
Captain Flint	Today, only Captain Flint and John Silver are here. It's not that they're necessarily interested in helping a demon find new ways to torture, but their esteem for Hesinca is greater than their disdain for such things. The only one among the crew who might be considered a Torture Enjoyer is rather fond of the burning spikepit, and has therefore declined to come along for this consultancy. They're seated side by side, in matching low-backed office armchairs, Silver's crutch leaned up against the side of his. It's the captain who speaks up first. "There are several reasons why someone might torture themselves," he begins, steepling his fingers in his lap. "Human or otherwise." His seafoam eyes lock with Michael's, for a moment. The look is intense, but brief. He continues, as if nothing had happened. "Shame is a powerful force, especially when there's a clear cultural authority able to convince people to subject themselves to it." Listing off a few such authorities, "The church, the local government, community leaders, and so on." "Often, these authorities establish social mores not for any common good, but to isolate and alienate individuals belonging to..." His fingers brush across his goatee, as his brow furrows in thought. "I believe a contemporary sociological term for it would be 'out groups.'" "If you, therefore, create in rules and mores within your community here which your 'out groups' cannot possibly follow, the force of the shame they feel will be a uniquely torturous experience for each individual, in their own way." Silver shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "Is it... necessary, that they be punished?" asks the quartermaster. "What exactly did they do to end up here?"
Hesinca	The human-shaped demon nods along with the captain's exposition on shame and out-groups. "Good, good..." "... Oh, well, that's easy," he says. "Janet?" "Hi there!" says the lady who very suddenly pops into existence to the side of the desk. "Janet, show them the sinscores of the humans," says Michael. She brings up the sin scores of the four humans. While there are some... reasonably good (bad) choices on there, like 'multiple shoplifting' for one, and various instances/flavors of 'envy' 'sloth' 'indecisiveness' and other classical sins for the others... there's a lot of... arbitrary stuff on there. '11 items in the 10 items or less checkout lane' apparently is an unforgivable sin. 'Stood up immediately after the plane landed and crowded the aisle instead of waiting for the signal to actually disembark' is another. "Of course it's necessary that they get punished," adds Hesinca, who's getting a Human Suit on, somehow. "How else are they supposed to finish their sentences and move on?" "Move on - oh, no no no no no," says Michael. "They're here forever, facing punsihment eternal." "... Oh," says Hesinca, quietly, pausing.
Captain Flint	"Eternal punishment," says Captain Flint, hand over his chin, leaning back as if it might grant some new revelation about the sin scores. "For sins committed during a finite existence," he continues, brow twitching, eyes flicking from the sin scores to bore into Michael. "Among which you've listed..." "Eleven items instead of ten," continues Silver in his stead, not bothering to hide his incredulity as Flint is. "Standing up too fast? If this is the kind of thing that people on your world get sent to Hell for, what the French--" he blinks owlishly. "Then what the ffffront..." He pauses in spite of himself, sharing a confused glance with Flint. "Is there some kind of language filter here?" Flint pinches the bridge of his nose. "I believe what Mr. Silver was trying to say--and what I myself also believe--is that eternal punishment is not at all commensurate to the so-called sins Miss Janet has listed for these people, especially not when we're assuming their time on Earth is finite. But perhaps we don't have the full picture. If I might ask your indulgence in this, it might help us understand how we might best assist you." Flint stands, extending a hand. Silver reaches on the opposite side of his seat and lifts a duffel bag weighed down by square shapes which slide to one end as it's picked up. Books. He hands it to Flint, who sets it down in his empty seat, unzips it, and procures a few religious texts from some of Earth's more commonly widespread faiths. Most of them appear recent, though the Holy Bible appears to have been sourced from his own world. "Often," says Flint, setting them down on Michael's desk, "There are set rules or codes one must live by to get to 'the Good Place.' What does that code look like, here? How available is that knowledge for people during their mortal lives? Are any of these texts similar?"
Hesinca	Michael holds his hands up, palms forward, pleadingly. "What are we supposed to do, then - not punish them eternally? What, then we'd be out of jobs. Do you want us to lose our jobs?" He looks down at the books. "Yes - that's the bible, it's the same one the humans had on this Earth... all of these are entirely wrong, though," he says. "Which, really, if you think about it, is the humans' fault for getting it wrong." "For getting wrong something that they had no way of knowing that they were wrong about," says Hesinca, who hasn't resumed putting the Human Suit on yet. "Look - you want me to sign off on this community service thing for you or not," says Michael. "Because it sure as Here isn't a 'sit there arguing with the boss about morality' credit."
Captain Flint	"Well, you could always come sail with us, and never have to worry about jobs again," suggests Silver without a hint of insincerity. Flint doesn't countermand him, either. In fact... "I understand the position that you're in," Flint says, beginning to pack away the books. "I was in something of a similar position, once, myself." It's the fact that Michael has personal office space which gives it away. Zzzip. The bag is closed up. "Part of a sprawling, hierarchical engine designed with a singular purpose, entrusted with certain responsibilities, the failure of which would impact my opportunities for advancement and my standing within the organization. I will help you, because it's important to me that Hesinca doesn't lose any with hers." He hands the bag back to Silver, who sees it carefuly set aside. "If necessary, I'll even do so myself, without her aid--as I can see that she shares my reservations about the fairness of your current system." "However," says the captain, "I would strongly advise that you take her reservations to heart, as a matter of one professional recognizing another. Her devotion to the well-being of her charges is precisely what makes her such an effective disciplinarian. If not now, then upon the completion of her service." "So then," says Silver, clasping his hands together in a merry tone, his best winning smile gleaming away. "Where do we start?"
Hesinca	"... No," says Hesinca, who'd been standing still, giving her human compatriots her full attention, and a look that was increasingly concerned. "No?" asks Michael? "No - look, I'm going to admit I don't... I don't know all of how this works here, and I can appreciate the 'Fake Good Place' schtick, but this feels... No. This is something I can't do. Not when it's no redemption and all punishment. Captain, First Mate, I appreciate you willing to go through this with me but I think... I can't do this," she says, stepping out of the human suit she'd been in the process of putting on. "And I'm not going to ask you to do this for me, either." "Mmmhmm... thought you were a demon," says Michael, folding his hands together on the table. "I guess I'm not that sort of demon," says Hesinca.
Captain Flint	"It's quite alright, Hesinca," says John Silver, rising to place a hand upon her shoulder. Well, her horse-shoulder. She's a bit too tall for him to reach her humanish-shoulder. "If there's another way we can get you that sign-off, we will. And if not... then..." He shrugs. "Then we'll just have to do whatever's necessary to make sure you can be the demon you want to be." Flint strokes his chin. "I understand your concern," he says, to Michael. "I don't presume to understand your daily life, or what you need to survive--but even if you never needed to eat, drink, or take shelter, it is a universal truth that beings such as ourselves express ourselves through work as much as through play. Being without what you refer to as a 'job' means being cut off from that vital self expression, alienated from your community." Flint takes a seat once more, crossing one leg over the other, hand on his chin as he studies Michael. "It's possible for you to have that sense of pride in your work, and for all your fellows, too, without this punishment being eternal. Before you decry it as impossible, I would invite you to visit Hesinca's world. There, Hell is a place of re-education and reform, which not only operates on the premise of mortal souls being temporary tenants, but possesses an economy all its own. There, no one is out of work--everyone there believes in the stated aim of the dimension, and gladly finds ways to satisfy that need for expression. But..." Flint frowns, nodding once. "Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself. What is it you're hoping to accomplish, Here?"
Hesinca	"I... don't understand. You're asking what I'm hoping to accomplish... by torturing the humans?" He holds out his hands, pleadingly, again. "You're asking water what the purpose of being wet is. Or - you might as well be asking what the purpose of being 'alive' is - something that you mortal, living humans somehow haven't quite figured out, by the way. That answer being that the purpose of life is , of course." He pauses. "Wait, not supposed to tell you that. Janet, wipe that from their memory, will you?" "Already done," says Janet. "... So, fine. I'll go visit this other Bad Place, check it out - in the meantime, are we going to do this thing or not?" says Michael. "No," says Hesinca, firmly. "I- well, thank you, but I'm going to look into other options for the community service." "Fine, then," says Michael. "No chitin off of my back. But if you're not getting into character I can't have you going back out there... Janet?" The not-robot not-lady snaps her fingers- - and suddenly everyone is back on the train as it starts pulling out of the neighborhood station.
Captain Flint	>Are we going to do the thing or not? Before John Silver can offer up one of his charming non-answers, but not before his mouth is opened, Hesinca intervenes. Her answer draws the attention of both the quartermaster and his captain, who both regard her with a smile. Janet's snap of the finger has them back on the train. "Shame about the meaning of life," says Silver, unable to recall what Michael said to them. "I would have liked to have known." "Would you?" says Flint, as the pastoral scenery slowly begins passing them by outside. "Is it really the sort of thing you'd want given to you by a middle manager, inside the office of the very same?" Put that way, Silver seems to reconsider, with a smirk that says 'I guess not.' The quartermaster glances towards the demon. "I think you made the right decision," he says softly. "What do you want to do now?"
Hesinca	"Well... I need to get in contact with the court, try to work out some other solution," says Hesinca, pulling out her phone. "I don't know how long they'd take to get back to - oh, they've texted me already." She scrolls through an apparently lengthy message in silence for a moment. "So instead of doing more community service for punching that angel - who deserved it, by the way - I can... just be assigned a life coach slash probation officer. That... really sounds like less of a hassle than going all over the place doing the remaining three decades of community service."
Captain Flint	"Well, he would have, if that's what had happened," says Silver, still one hundred percent committed to the lie even when it's of no use. "I think that you'd be perfect for that sort of work," says Flint. "You're compassionate, firm, and fair--enough so that your charges would come to trust that you have their best interests in mind. I shall be very glad to assist with that, and I'll wager the rest of the men would, too." Torture is one thing. Giving troubled people a second chance is quite another, and many of those men would have had much less hardship in their lives, if someone had been there to give them a helping hand. "In fact," says the captain, "I think you might even enjoy it."
Hesinca	"No, I mean I'd get a probation officer. Not work as one," says Hesinca. "... Though actually, yeah, I think I'd be pretty good at that." She thumbs through the message again, and taps out a quick return text. "Alright, I said yes - if you two don't mind hanging out a bit more, I'd appreciate some backup when I go to meet... whoever this is."
Captain Flint	"I see," says Flint. There's a quiet, thoughtful look on his face, his brow furrowed, eyes boring into the seat opposite him. Apparently, he's much more comfortable with his friend being at the reins, than being at the mercy of them. "Of course we'll stay," says Silver. His sincerity is enough to draw Flint out of his machinations. The captain offers a nod of agreement. "Naturally. We'll want to ensure that your probation is overseen by someone with your best interests in mind."
Hesinca	"Thank you," says Hesinca. "I appreciate it, and..." Her phone's buzzed again. "Oh, it says they're arriving now - probably a typo, they're leaving now. I don't-" The train car starts gradually filling with light. "- think they mean 'arriving now', that would be..." She trails off. "Or I could be wrong," she says, shielding her eyes. The light intensifies, and then coalesces... into a humanoid, about four feet tall, hovering off the ground slightly. "Hi there, Foul Monster of the Abyss!" says the figure. "My name's Cherriel, but you can just call me Cherry! I'm here and ready to help make sure you're set and don't stray from the Right Path as your new life coach and probation officer!" She's got long, flowing red hair that goes down past her shoulders, two large white wings she's using to hover with, and a halo. "Oh, fuck no," says Hesinca, backing away, eyes wide. "They didn't say anything about you being an angel."
Captain Flint	Flint and Silver share a Look. The two of them are up and standing shortly after, one to each side of her in a show of solidarity. "I am called Flint. This is John Silver. We're friends of Hesinca's." There is a certain weight to Flint's voice, which gives that straightforward statement additional meaning: we will react very poorly to perceived mistreatment of our friend. Flint continues. "As a mortal, one whose salvation is, I presume, the calling of you and your associates, I must admit to a certain lack of faith in the institution of Heaven. Today marks the third time Mr. Silver and I have met with Heaven's officers, and I regret to inform you that thus far I have found their conduct wanting." "The first, and most egregious breach of decorum occurred during an attempt by Hesinca to see to her ordained duties, and render purified souls unto the red moon." His neutral expression darkens considerably, his lip curled into a snarl. "A host of angels appeared and attacked her without provocation, and had to be forcibly driven from the area so that the souls in her care could properly be reincarnated." Silver nods. Compared to Flint, his tone is more friendly, less accusatory. The Good Pirate. "And then, well... there's Araquiel. I imagine he told you his side of the story--that's no doubt how we all ended up in here. In his position," muses Silver 'thoughtfully,' "...with the kind of pull he has, I can't say I'd do the same. When you embarrass yourself like he did, it's better to just let the incident fade." He smiles convivially at Cherry, holding his palms out in a 'but let's not worry about that right now' kind of way. "Still, you've come all this way, and Hesinca was adamant that things be done this way, to keep up appearances." A conspiratory wink. Little gestures like that, the tone--talking about a lie like it's the truth, like everyone already knows it--it's one of the best ways to sow that seed of doubt. It's a common misconception that someone has to buy the lie right away. They don't--they just have to be made to doubt the truth. "I have a good feeling about you, Cherry, and I'm sure that you'll represent Heaven much better than we've seen thus far. The captain and I have actually been a bit curious about the angelic virtues, so we'll be sitting in, here and there, to see how it's done."
Hesinca	Cherriel hovers politely, putting her arms behind her back, grabbing one of her wrists with her other hand. She's giving Flint her full attention, and smiling throughout - in a slightly unsettling way, as if she's giving him too much attention, somehow? She continues smiling, even at the snarl. Then she looks to Silver, when he starts talking, giving him her full attention as well. When they're done talking, she doesn't react right away, a moment passes, just enough to come just short of an uncomfortable pause without quite getting to the threshold of 'this silence is long enough to be an uncomfortable pause' and also edging towards the threshold of 'should we say something else?'. And then she starts talking, breaking the silence. "Well - Flint, John Silver, I'm sorry to hear you've had bad experiences with angels. I'll certainly see what I can do to break that streak, shall I? But to do that I need you two to look at me with fresh eyes - can you do that for me? Judge me for me, not for what a few other angels have done?" "It's been more than a few," says Hesinca. "You all stink." "You're certainly entitled to your opinion, Miss Disastre!" says Cherriel, brightly. "And to express your opinion and start a dialogue! I know of a few angels personally who have some room for improvement regarding personal hygeine, but I think saying that's true for all of us is going a bit far." "And you're all backstabbing bastards," adds the demon. "So in regards to the angelic trespassers - as I understand it, the investigation is ongoing," says Cherriel, not responding to that. "They were hired by someone, and we're trying to get to the bottom of it - please, trust me that we are just as upset by this as you are," she adds, projecting a literal aura of sincerity. (It's hard to describe, she just feels really sincere.) "It sets a bad precedent - we wouldn't want demons coming up and interfering with angel businesses either, trust me! But also interfering with the reincarnation cycle at all is bad news." "Gentlemen - there are good and bad angels, just like there are good and bad demons. I trust that Miss Disastre is one of the good ones - I just want to make sure she stays that way. Will you let me convince you that I'm one of the good ones on the other side?" She holds out her hands, pleadingly. "Drop dead," mutters Hesinca.
Captain Flint	"Of course," says Silver, smiling brightly. Neither he nor Flint take the angel's hands, but neither do they back away. "I think, our bad experiences with Heaven aside, we can certainly give you a chance." His smile remains, but it's a bit more pointed when he turns to Hesinca. As if to say, 'don't shoot for two.' The captain nods. "It's good to know that the matter is being taken seriously. I trust, at least, that you believe what you're saying. We shall see if that's enough for Hesinca." Evidently, the aura of sincerity is effective enough to give Cherry a chance to prove her good intentions. But, this is one of the most fervently anti-authority figures in the Caribbean. Naturally, there's going to be questions about the institution's intentions. "What, exactly, is the Right Path for someone like Hesinca?"
Hesinca	"Well, let's see - the right path... respecting other people," says Cherry, nodding. "Sounds terrible," says Hesinca. "Not causing needless loss of life," says Cherry. "Sounds like a hassle." "Being cognizant of your actions and the effects they have on other people," says Cherry, cheerfully, unfazed by Hesinca's doubtful comments. "Sounds like a headache," says Hesinca. "I assure you, my good pirates, I'm not asking her not to be a demon," says Cherry, smiling at them. "I'm just asking her to be a better person." "Heck no," says Hesinca, stubbornly. "Being a demon means you don't care about any of that, and you take what you want and you do what you want. Mindfulness is a bullshit angel virtue." "Mmmhmm, that is of course your opinion. However - as you're aware, the new deal is a year of me, Miss Disastre... or three decades of the community service." Cherriel holds out her hand towards Hesinca, smiling. Hesinca hesitates.
Captain Flint	"Hesinca," says John Silver, smiling up at the demon. "You respect Flint and me, don't you? And... Yuuki, and Zero, and Jonathan..." Flint seems to see where Silver is going. "I've never felt anything less than the utmost respect from her." "And, in your own way, you do care about what effect your actions have on other people," continues Silver, skirting gracefully around 'needless loss of life.' That... yes, there's some opportunity for improvement there. "That's why you turned down helping Michael, because you didn't want to punish people for something they had no ability to prevent. That's why I respect you. It's why we respect you," he says, thinking of his Concord family. "You already are a good person," says Silver, both hands raised as if he's anticipating an objection. "You may not think that's possible for a demon to be, but I think it is... and I'm glad that I can say I know a demon who's worth knowing. If you don't trust Cherry," he says, with a brief glance towards the angel... His expression says 'I don't blame you.' Then, "Well... trust me. if it's really about being a good person, it'll be easy for you. I believe in you!" "And I do, as well," rumbles Flint in his gravelly baritone.
Hesinca	Hesinca looks at them both gratefully. "... Alright. Yeah. I trust you, Silver. Thank you." "... Though if you call me a 'good person' again I'm having the prinnies graffiti your ship. Okay. Let's get this over with, then." She extends her hand, and grasps the angel's. Then she pauses. "Oh - um, probation's a bit more involved here, it's not just ankle bracelets and check-ins and stuff like it is for humans, so just... there'll be some fireworks. Just so you aren't surprised." "Aww, see, you're already being mindful!" says Cherry, beaming at her. "First, shut up, second, drop dead, third, get this over with already." "By the authority of the Pax Redemptio," says Cherriel. "Forged by the ancient king and the predecessors. By its authority, invested in me, the Angel Cherriel, as a contractor of Transact Purgatorio; brought forth over an agent of the afterlife, the Foul Rampaging Beast Hesinca Disastre..." Chains of light appear, wrapping around both of their wrists, and spreading up their arms, appearing from nowhere and winding around their forearms like an unwinding ball of yarn in reverse. "I take responsibility for her deeds, for her growth, for her well-being, and above all else..." The chains flow up into both angel and demon bodies, continuing their winding pattern even if they've run out of space to do it on. "And above all else for her redemption." The chains stop winding, and the glow intensifies. "And by my intentions and my actions, I make it so." There's a final flash of brightness, and then the lightshow stops.
Captain Flint	"Duly noted," says Silver in that 'Both men reach up to shield their eyes when the glow intensifies, their shadows lengthening for a moment against the backdrop of the train. When the final flash passes, and Hesinca is still there, still seemingly Hesinca, they both appear quietly relieved. Despite the warning, it seems neither of them anticipated a lightshow dramatic enough to invite comparison to fireworks like she mentioned. Barring any further conversation from Cherry or Hesinca, the rest of the train ride passes in relative silence, until it pulls into the station. Both of the pirates say their goodbyes, but Silver lingers, for a moment, eyeing Hesinca, something on his mind. "You're a..." He stops himself, grinning, remembering the threat of graffiti to the Walrus. "...a kind of person I enjoy very much," he eventually, slyly finishes. Less jokingly, "I feel like you're a part of the crew... and that means I want to see you happy and successful, whatever you pursue. So if you need something... or even if you just need to bitch... call," he says, looking up at her to meet her gaze directly. "I'd much rather help you, or commiserate with you, than hear after the fact that you've gotten yourself in trouble." He smiles warmly at her, and makes to join Flint in the station proper.