Scene #8178: Mario & Luigi: The Math Attack I

Owner	Pose
Bowser	The MUSHROOM KINGDOM. It is a beautiful idyllic land, so long as you don't mind that everything has eyes. With the onset of Candlenights, the panreligious, pansexual, personal pan pizza urholiday of all Winter Holidays, the Peach's Castle strikes an imposing figure over TOAD TOWN, the town of loveable rough voiced midgets who make up the Mushroom Kingdom. Toad Town is a Winter Wonderland. The perfect puffy trees(which are shaped exactly like trees are when a child draws them) have a layer of snow over them, perfectly placed. Each house as a gentle blanket of snow to remind over the roof. Wherever there is not a road, snow is on the ground, with Snow Men having been created at regular intervals. As one heads up the road past the shops with references to every single mario ever made to appease the nerds who advance movies frame by frame, Toads push carts, selling hot chocolate, and have set out fires for roasting marshmellows. Across the mandatory river that runs through the town, which has now frozen over, toads ice skate in their heavy scarves and gloves. All leading towards a single plaza, where a grand tree is placed. An enormous Christmas tree. It stands thirty feet tall, with a covering of snow over it that seems also too pristine and perfectly placed. Lights have been hung all over, and Toads are adding Ornaments of every color. Lights glimmer off golden mushrooms and red baubles. Off little glass clouds and happy turnips. All for one grand occasion. THE UNVEILING OF THE CHRISTMAS TREE. ELSEWHERE. An AIRSHIP slowly moves across the sky, one looking much like a boat but made with a wooden erector set. The propellers spin and fire blows from the top of the ship. Bowser stands at the bow of the staring through a telescope as the airship has not yet cresting a mountain range to dramatically appear that Toad Town still hasn't put a look out on but probably should. "ALRIGHT MINIONS! I promised you the best Christmas Tree... LET'S GO GET IT!"
Kale Hearthward	Enter one GRUMPY ELF. "Merry Christmas. Please put your letters in the mailbox here next to me, the one marked 'Letters to Santa'," says the GRUMPY ELF flatly. "Yes, they really will get to Santa Claus. No, you don't need to put on a stamp. Yes, he reads everyone," the grumpy elf says, answering the same questions for the twentieth time that night. It will therefore actually be somewhat of a relief when Bowser shows up to end Kale's community-service-induced misery here, one way or another. "No, you don't need to tell me what you want for Christmas. That's what the letter box is for. No, I don't have a pen or paper. No, I said you don't tell me what you want, you tell Santa. No, Santa isn't here."
Stanley Padgett	Stanley... is out exploring. Rather, he's out touring the bits of the Multiverse that it's easiest to get to on his budget and his dime and the travel allotment he's gotten from home. Mushroom Kingdom was the right amount of surreal and lovely for the young man. He is in fact in line for the SANTA ELF, as he hands over his sheet and note. "...Did this back home too, at the Mall, but there's no harm in making sure the request gets through, right?"
Sarracenia	She is not Peach, but there is a Pipeland Princess here at least. Sarracenia is wearing a red Santa-themed dress. Velvet for the majority of the dress, fluffy white borders and hems, even a long pointed red hat with a jingle bell on the tip. She still has her crown on around that hat, and while she does have short sleeves she is wearing arm-length red gloves to keep her arms and hands warm. She isn't a huge fan of the Mushroom Kingdom or its princess, but her home doesn't really get snow so she has come here to enjoy the winter festivities. She giggles a bit at the grumpy elf as she goes between stalls. A piranha plant butler follows her around carrying her bags and what treats she isn't currently nibbling on. She wouldn't usually do the whole Santa letter thing but with the elf looking so grumpy she gets in line with Stanley. Surely seeing a beautiful princess will brighten his day! "No harm at all!" she says to Stanley when she hears his musings. "I suppose I should actually have a letter if I am going to be in this line. Gregory?" She holds a hand out toward the piranha plant, and he reaches into a pocket of his little butler jacket and pulls out a piece of proper royal stationary and a pen and hands her one of the small boxes. She starts writing, smiling lightly.
Kukuru	Kukuru is in quite the festive mood when she arrives in the Mushroom Kingdom, having heard through the grapevine that they had a particularly great tree to stare at with all sorts of wintry stuff sure to get piled onto it before long. She even arrives decked out in her holiday best, clad in a Santa-esque outfit complete with a jingling bell on her neck and fuzzy white lining on everything. There's still a hint of home with the outfit being black rather than the classic red, but the beaming smile on her face should help make it obvious she's here to celebrate rather than be some kind of depressing tightwad. Naturally, she buys a bit of goddamn everything to eat and drink, sampling whatever she can wherever she can without a care in the world. Her path eventually takes her closer to the tree before too long, and towards the GRUMPY ELF along with several familiar faces. "Aw, I didn't know you were here, too, Kale. It's so nice of you to help out with this kinda stuff~" She beams at him while staying off to the side of the line, seeming more content to observe that line for a bit rather than get in there herself. "I'm sure he'll get it, Stanley. Kale's super fast, so he'll be sure to get all this there before..." She trails off, mouthing numbers quietly before snapping her fingers. "Next week! Maybe..." Kukuru taps her chin lightly when Sarracenia brings out her own letter. "... W-well, I can always put one together tonight or something. Or if I can find out where he is..." She trails off again, lost in her own cloud of thoughts. It's only while gazing into the distance blankly that she finally notices the airship in the distance, squinting slightly before giggling to herself. "Oh, that must be Santa's sleigh now... It's real big this year, huh?"
Bowser	SOMETIME EARLY. The Dry Bones Desert. Rolling sand dunes stretch out for miles. Cacti dot the land scape in an irregular pattern, the only thing breaking the land scape. Besides the bones. The skeletons of thousands of different creatures lie here. (Not dead creature, just their skeletons.) Deep behind a secret tunnel, within a mountain, Bowser stands in front of a door made of gold. "KAMMY" WHAM "WHY" WHAM "WON'T" WHAM "THIS" WHAM "WORK!" WHAM Bowser stands in front of HUGE GOLDEN DOOR, holding five objects in his hand. There are similar holes across the door way. A circle, a square, a t-block, an arch, and a five pointed star. Bowser is currently trying to hammer the circle in the square slot with his knuckles. "THIS ALWAYS WORKS!!" The wizened crone magikoopa stands foremost among the various desert suited minions, "Sire, have you tried-WHAM." She pauses and takes a breath. "Sir, have you trie-WHAM!" Another pause. A wait. A wait for a noise, "Sirhaveyoutriedputtingthesquar-WHAM!" Kammy puts her hands over her face. "Perhaps, sire, you need a snack break?" The BIG BOSS hrmms as he looks at the door. "That's a good idea. I need a snack break." As he trundles off to a cooler, Kammy hurried has the minions switch the pieces. PRESENT WHEREVER I SAID THIS WAS. This is not TOO weird. This world has had various stars that produce wishes, so toads are happy to line up to the GRUMPY ELF and deposit letters in. A Parakoopa flies in towards Kale. "Hey! You can't just pop down an unregistered mail box wherever you want! There's a very intricate network of parakoopa delivery here! You need to register with the central office and wait four to six weeks!" The parakoopa then floats in a little closer, "And hey, uh, is Santa going to send me that shell waxer I asked for?" Stanley stands in line, trying to GAME THE SYSTEM with a bombomb, a koopa, a toad. The bombomb looks back at Stanley. "Hey, what do you weird human people ask for Christmas? I'm asking for World Peace..." The koopa ahead shouts, "No you didn't, Charlie, you asked for a Playstation Five like the rest of us!" Most rivalries take a back seat this day. Sarracenia enjoys the peace and tranquility here, hot cocoa readily offered as she stands in line, even with a swirl of whipped cream and a cinnamon stick! Kukuru points out the wooden ship as it crests the mountain. In the waning day, the fire of the ship erupts, casting a fiendish red glow across the mountains and trees. Lava vomits forth from the Bowser Head on the front of the ship, landing across the mountain side as the airship heads towards the town center at a steady pace. Then, Bowser's mighty voice erupts from the head of the ship, magnified by microphone. "GWAAAAAAAH! MERRY CHRISTMAS, LOSERS! I promised my loyal minions the best Christmas Tree in ALL THE WORLD! And now I'm going to COME AND GET IT! FIRE!" Thundering booms rock the still peace of the moment, cannon balls sailing towards the town. The cannon balls have a lazy corkscrew projection, but they move at a steady pace. About the speed of a man running. But they do not slow down. Nor do they seem affected by gravity. Parakoopas and Paragoombas sail through the sky like vicious shadows. Immediately, the tablaeu is broken as all the Toads start screaming and scattering, sounds of horror as the cannon balls crash into the roads of the city!
Kukuru	"Ah, so that's how deliveries work here... Neat. I thought it'd have something to do with all those pipes, though." Kukuru chimes in after the parakoopa seemingly scolds Kale, giggling a moment later and then not-so-subtly tapping a note into her phone on 'asking for world peace'. She probably won't actually remember to write that letter, but it's the thought that counts. Or something. A moment later, she taps in 'Playstation Five' as well, although it's pretty hard to tell at a glance if she even knows what that is. Eventually, she hears a familiar-ish voice, and she realizes who the owner of that massive flying machine is. "Eh? Isn't that...? Oh! So Santa's secret identity is...!" She pauses for dramatic effect, blinks slowly as she seems to realize something, then turns to Sarracenia and Stanley with a finger raised to her lips in a hush motion. She might assume Kale's in on it somehow. What's less expected, though, is Bowser dropping his cannon balls all over the town. "... Huh. I guess this must be part of Santa's plan, too." With little else seeming to make sense the otherwise kindly lady, she just starts approaching the nearest house before smashing her fist through the wall and starting to just punch the whole thing down.
Stanley Padgett	"Listen I just need it to- I need to make sure that Alice gets her stuff, okay? Cause it's hard to afford cool stuff right now an-" And then Kale is NOT A SANTA ELF anymore. Which is fine, because hell is breaking loose in the Mushroom Kingdom. Stanley lets out a little yelp of surprise as the attacks start to come flying in, and huffs. "Dammit, I... I really have to bring my sword everywhere, don't I?" He grumbles and dumps his duffel bag on the ground, pulls his foil from its holder, and then takes a breath. "PERSONA!" And Stanley's winter school uniform flickers, digital static slipping down his frame to reveal his combat gear. Behind him, a huge ghostly Fencer slips into view for a moment, before Stan plants his feet and shoulder tackles the nearest Paragoomba at Mach 0.3. "REALLY NEED YOU TO LEAVE, I'M BUSY!" But in doing so, Stanley learns the first rule of hitting baddies on this world. You go flying in return, and now he's launched himself accidentally up at that airship. Woops. Hope he can stick the landing.
Kale Hearthward	"Uh huh. If you're doubling up... ain't my problem," says GRUMPY ELF. "I'm just here because I have to be. I mean because I feel the CHRISTMAS SPIRIT." He forces a big beaky grin. It's terribly obvious that it's forced. "Seasonal spirit, and all that. Goodwill to all men. Whatever." Bowser appears. "Oh thank goodness - I mean, how terrible," says GRUMPY ELF, who ditches the hat and becomes SSR KALE CHRISTMAS DEFENDER - or just, Kale in an elf costume, but he's still banner-restricted and costs 1500 in the item shop. SSR KALE CHRISTMAS DEFENDER (hereafter just 'Kale') goes to arm himself and start fighting - and then he realizes Kukuru's lost the plot and assumes that this is part of Christmas? "Oh come on..." The others are handling Bowser, probably, so it falls to him. Kale runs over and dragon-breathes out a strong wind, trying to push her off course and away from everything she could damage!
Sarracenia	One moment, it is fun and cheer! The next...panicking Toads running around in random directions! And among them one Piranha Plant butler! Sarracenia's cheerful smile becomes a frown as she turns to look at the incoming airship. Is that Bowser?! Her teeth clench and she growls lightly even as cannonballs rain down. "Of all the..." She pulls out her cell phone, makes a quick call, then reaches into her purse and pulls out...a hammer bigger than she is. As she does, from behind the castle rises...another airship! More sleek Spanish galleon than brick and lava, the propellers on its masts bring it over the city and a very long rope ladder is dropped down. Sarra grabs on and is quickly hoisted up onto the bow of the ship. She pulls out a megaphone of her own. "It is not bad enough that you refuse to kidnap me, but now you claim that the Mushroom Kingdom has the best Christmas tree?! Did you even -look- at the Sundew Kingdom?! Our trees are larger than anywhere else! Our decorations the most extravagant! But does anyone pay attention to our Christmas extravaganza? No! Well, I won't let you take this tree when there's an even better one available!" She raises a hand and her airship turns its broadside toward Bowser's ship. Dozens of cannon ports open along the side and just as many cannons are pushed into place. "Take this, you clueless lizard!" she exclaims, then lowers her hand. There's a thunderous staccato of cannons as dozens of cannonballs of the more conventional variety fly through the air, along with a salvo of Bullet Bills travelling at a typical human running speed. Each one that hits explodes, and each one that doesn't...well, they still explode but perhaps not on their intended target. Kukuru rushes to Santa's aid and Sarracenia blinks. "K-kukuru! That is not Santa! I'm closer to being Santa!"
Kukuru	SSR Kale (CD) joins in the defense of Christmas, and Kukuru's all too eager to play along. As she rears her mighty fist back to put the finishing touch on her first house, she finds herself lifting off the ground, then getting blown head over ass several times into a conveniently wider area within the town with which to engage in a holiday hoedown. "Whoa! That's... Kaaale, I thought you were-oh! Wait." She needs a moment to think again, and then she smiles widely while giving him a '''knowing''' wink. "Alriiiight. If you're gonna be a rebel against the real Santa, then I'm gonna have to show you what.. Um." She's not good at improv. "... I'll show you what happens to bad kids during Christmas!" Settling down into a sprinter's stance with her hands on the ground and her ass pointed up at the sky, she holds that position for just a moment before flinging herself forwards at Kale, aiming to slam into and wrap herself around the former GRUMPY ELF like some kind of boa constrictor, crushing potential and all.
Bowser	A paragoomba opens its mouth, trying to shout "An enemy s-" before it is squished to the ground. This rockets Stanley up in a projected jump so he is on top of the Airship. Kammy stands on the Airship, while at the top of the poop deck, Bowser stands, regal and mighty, taking a moment to breathe in and let out a grand belly laugh. "GWAH HA HA HA HA HA!" It could sound like a ho ho ho at range. Maybe. Bowser glares, looking at the YOUNG TEEN HUMAN(like). "What? Who are you? A LITTLE BOY?!" Kammy coughs from the side. She is sitting there, nursing a hot toddy. "Sire, that's one of those new 'hero' types, you know. Spunky young children with amazing powers who wish to change the world or impress other young children or something like that." The Demon Turtle considers that, squinting his eyes as he looks down at Stanley. "Yea?" The airship shakes as Bowser moves forward towards him. "Are you a bad enough dude to take on ME?!" He lets out another bellowing laugh, only to be cut short. "GWAH HA HA HA H-" The airship rocks under both Stanley and Bowser as the Bullet Bills strike against it, making most minions on the boat actually stagger. Bowser just sort of leans his weight, walking towards the edge of the ship. "Oh geez, it's her." Kammy mutters, "Psycho hose beast." "BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE THE BEST TREE!" Bowser shouts back. "LOOK AT HOW GOOD A JOB PEACH DID OF DECORATING THIS TREE! YOU KNOW SHE PUTS A LOT OF TIME AND LOVE INTO DESIGNING A TREE EVERY YEAR, LIKE A WHOLE THREE WEEKS." Bowser turns back to Stanley and jerks a thumb over at the other airship with a 'get a load of her' expression. Then he slide punches Stanley from all the way across the deck. It is a single forceful blow, throwing a punch that simply pulls him along with it like a freight train towards Stanley. Meanwhile, the Airship loads up, aiming squat but massive cannons at Sarracenia's ship. They are the same slow moving projectiles, but they are the massive ones. Each cannon ball is about the size of Bowser himself, and pack as much kinetic energy as a normal cannon ball. MEANWHILE MEANWHILE, IN TOADSTOOL CASTLE. "Princess!" Toadsworth rushs up the stairs to where Peach is standing, wearing a fine gown of red velvet and white trim. "Bowser is trying to steal the tree! Like he does every year!" Peach holds a hand to her lips, "Oh, really? Oh my. We can't have that. He really should have bought a tree earlier in the year. Can you please send one of our boon companions we've made over the years to get Mario and Luigi?" "Of course, Princess!" Peach smiles, then goes back to putting on her earrings.
Kale Hearthward	"What - Kukuru, this isn't acting! This isn't a Christmas thing - okay technically it iiiii-" Kale's sentence gets cut off as he gets CRUSHED. By Kukuru's indomitable holiday spirit! Also her muscles. "pfhayahhhh" he wheezes out. He uses what freedom of motion he does have to kick together the heels on his ELF BOOTS - which activates the actual jet boots he's wearing underneath them, and then kicks them together again to activate the emergency air reserve, which fuels the boots and sends both Kale and Kukuru rocketing up towards the airship, and then past the airship, managing to just curve over it before the boots run out of emergency thrust! And then they fall. Kale tries to make it so Kukuru hits the ground first.
Stanley Padgett	The young man manages to stick the landing, only to have to be in front of King Bowser himself. Right, uh... "Stanley Padgett, uh... I don't have a title, but Stanley!" He knows he's supposed to introduce himself at a time like this, but this is a bit awkward. Stanley was about to respond to... Sarra's assault and Bowser's response, but instead he gets pasted and trucked and flattened, that punch going right through him and vaporizing him an- Wait no, that's not quite Stanley, but an illusion. The actual Stanley goes spinning out of space, taking a glancing blow and crashing into a crowd of Goombas and Shyguys who go tumbling. He huffs a bit and gets back up to his feet, his glowing fencing tunic rippling in the air as he recovers. "Alright, that's a bit rude to say but she seems very... forceful. That said, you're really causing a lot of trouble, so." A shrug and Stanley plants his feet into a ready stance... and concentrates. Just long enough for Bowser to make the first move, any move, and then the Brave Fencer is in action, returning the favor. Bowser may have the bulk of 50-THOUSAND POUNDS OF RAW STEEL AND SEX APPEAL. But Stanley's got that razor-sharp point, and he's going to make it, just as forcefully as Bowser did, to begin with. He flashes across the deck, and slices at the King three times on his way past, skidding to a halt on the far side.
Kukuru	"Oh, no, of course not. This is real, you rebel!" Kukuru hams it up, once again giving Kale a wink that's probably none too subtle with how bad her acting is. To his credit, though, that '''acting''' she's getting from him does have her relax her hold just a bit in a less 'crushing someone to death' sort of way and more of a 'hug from a grandmother that spent way too long at the gym' way. When Kale takes flight with her in tow, she's initially letting out an impressed "ooooh" noise, and she even hums along cheerfully for what she can only assume is a high-flying show to get the people on the ground really hyped up for the battle in the sky. It gets far less amusing, then, when he keeps going higher and higher, and Kukuru glances down for just a moment before raising her voice a little. "Um... K-Kale? I think they might not see us from here. We can go back down, but slooOOOOW!" The descent, of course, has Kukuru screeching and hollering right in Kale's ear, latching onto him for dear life without considering ways that she could very easily mitigate this terrifying problem with little to no effort on her own. To her credit, falling that fast /is/ incredibly scary. So much so, even, that it's actually a relief when she hits the ground despite getting slammed into the ground and replacing that gut-wrenching fear with body-wrenching pain. It's only then that she finally remembers that she can teleport, and she holds one hand up towards the sky before sinking into an inky-black cloud that appears right below her. The other hand is still holding onto Kale in that terrified vice-grip, aiming to drag him into that cloud and through an identical one that appears just below the airship. "My turn! Hold on tight~" She says in her usual kindly tone, although there's just a hint of irritation this time around as she aims to do something similar to what Kale did to her: Fall from a great height to land really really hard on top of him.
Sarracenia	Sarracenia huffs! "You think she actually spent that much time on it? She's probably off playing tennis or golf or something! Otherwise she would be here!" she exclaims. Just before being very nearly knocked off her perch by the counter-attack from Bowser's ship. Her airship is almost blown apart, wood and splinters going flying and a mast falling. She grips her hammer then pulls out a leaf. In a poof she has raccoon ears and a tail. She runs across the deck of her ship before taking to the sky. She makes her way over toward Bowser's ship and when she is overhead she stands atop the head of her hammer...and drops down like a comet. "Hyaaaaah!" Her impact causes a shockwave and (hopefully) creates a bit of a crater in Bowser's airship. "I'll show you how much better than Peach I am!" Sarra's airship, trailing fire and smoke, is forced to make a retreat.
Kale Hearthward	Oh good, Kale can breathe again. "This - isn't a..." There's not much use in trying to explain it like this, though, isn't there? Best to just sort of... keep going. At least this counts for the community service, right? (It'd better count for the community service.) And then Kale finds himself dragged through Kukuru's teleport cloud. He's seen her do it, sure, but he can't recall being in it himself-and by the time he realizes what's happened he's already mid-fall. (Mid-fall? But it's early winter!) (Actually it's Spring.) Quickly he activates his boots again, to try to slow the falling and ease the impact, but he's only somewhat successful. "SQUAWK" goes the bird as he lands awkwardly. "Dangit Kukuru-" says Kale, going to grab her even as she's grabbing onto him. "I'm just going to get you out of here first, and then deal with Bowser!" His boots spin up - he's getting ready to blast off and add one more chain to the throw counterthrow chain going on.
Bowser	SOME TIME AGO, IN THE DRY BONES DESERT. "Look sir!" Bowser comes back, slurping from a large foil pouch of random juice concentrates rehydrated with water. Kammy points her wand at the doorway. "The objects do not wish to be pummeled so mercilessly, so they rearranged themselves to the right order!" All the other minions take a step back, in that careful middle ground of 'will he believe this'. Thump... thump... thump... "YOU, YOUR HEART BEAT IS TOO LOUD!" Bowser points at a Dry Bones. As it makes a noise of sadness, Bowser grins, puffing up his chest. "Great! I told you I was a genius." He stomps over to the door way and grabs the bottom of it. With a mighty HUFF, he slams the door upward, passing into a room filled with dust. An ancient room. A room lost in time. "The Ancient Princess Vault..." Kammy murmurs. She floats carefully on a cloud past technicolor towers of hanoi. From great cubes of stone carved with runes. Ancient pieces of construction, for designing new castles. Towards a single glowing tablet in the middle. A menagerie slowly spins above it, a record of every creature and animal in the world, carefully spinning in mind bending orbits. "There it is, Sire." BACK AT PEACH'S CASTLE. A couple of koopas work on attaching a little propeller to the bottom of the Christmas Tree. All around, minions are fighting off Toads, chasing them about, biting at them, throwing things at them. One of the Koopas drinks from a flask before starting back into work on setting the platform. "So, me and my husband are heading out into the multiverse for Christmas," he motions with the flask. "There's supposed to be a really nice world where it's summer all year and with almost no natural resources except fish. So no one fights over it." The other Koopa nods. "That sounds great! I got my Christmas bonus from Bowser, so me and my polycule are going to go to one of those super high technology worlds and do some splurging. Maybe not as exciting." "No, hey, seeing something new is fun, take pictures for me." "You too!" UP ON THE AIRSHIP. The force of Bowser's fist makes an physical shockwave as it passes Stanley. "I'm not causing trouble! THIS IS MY TREE! I JUST SAID IT WAS MY TREE! I'm bringing back my tree!" The blade doesn't quite find purchase in Bowser's hide. Bowser doesn't... parry so much as simply throw his arm out, using the muscle and scale to take the brunt of the sword strikes. The rapier strikes several sharp blows, actually pushing him back, pain blossoming up his arm. "Another colored hair teen with a sword," Bowser mutters, "One second." Bowser literally just walks away from Stanley. However, that doesn't mean Stanley has a free moment. As soon as Bowser is distracted, Stanley suddenly finds himself swarmed. Hammers. Two identical koopa turtles wearing helmets start hurling hammers at Stanley, staying at range and up on the poop deck to make them hard to reach. He turns and walks over to the side railing so he can bellow across the way at Sarracenia again. "SHE WORKS VERY HARD ON THE TREE! SHE IS GONNA BE OUT THERE ANY SECOND AND SHE'LL GET TO WATCH ME TAKING THE TREE AWAY! SHE IS A DIGNIFIED AND SUBTLE RULER WHO TAKES A PROPER AMOUNT OF TIME FOR HERSELF!" He turns back around just as Sarracenia is running towards the airship, jerking his thumb back. "This Princess." Then the airship rumbles as the hammer strikes down. The wood FLEXES like a wave away from the impact zone, throwing Kammy off her lounge chair. She keeps her hot toddy up, but Bowser hits the ground HARD. Snarling, he reaches down to one side and grabs his own hammer off the ground. "YOu are NOT a better princess!" When HE hurls a hammer, it has the same mighty force. It whips through the air like a meteor as Bowser flings another. And another. MEANWHILE MEANWHILE MEANWHILE Two men step out of the pipe. The short one turns to the tall one and speaks in Italian. The tall one points up, then nods.
Kukuru	It seems Kale's intent on keeping this clash with Kukuru a close-range affair! That's just what she was hoping for, anyway, and it actually helps keep her from getting too outwardly-violent through the magic of tricking her already simple-minded thoughts from thinking this anything but a fun (but expensive) show for the people of the Mushroom Kingdom. "Santa." She 'corrects' Kale as she prepares herself for his next maneuver while the two get carried into the sky once more. She's ready for it this time, at least, so the terror and screaming is simply a memory rather than a repeat of what happened before. Once they go high again with Kukuru wrapping her arms around Kale's neck and pretending to choke him, she even goes as far as leaning in real close to his face. "I'm gonna do the teleport thing. Then it'll look like we're going super fast!" After giving him her own intended stage directions during their descent, she prepares herself mentally to time the appearance of her next teleportation cloud. Kukuru's timing is off, though, so her arm winds up clipping the ground during their descent into the cloud and back through another one just below Bowser's airship. Based on her grip on Kale loosening somewhat at that and the tear in her sleeve, she's probably dislocated something. "I-I'm okay! We can work with this." She reassures Kale while writhing around to get her good arm around him again, twisting the body pile around in another great fall to keep that chain going for however long their 'show' can continue!
Kale Hearthward	The good news: the 'show' is keeping Kukuru occupied with him and not smashing up people or buildings. The bad news: Kukuru is occupied with him. "Oh - that... looked like it hurt - I'll get you to the East Wind for healing when we're done..." (and bill the Concord for the expenses.) And then he hits the ground again. Ow. "Okay- that's- ... enough," says Kale once he no longer has the wind knocked out of him. "I'm- I'm gonna do this spectacularly, then!" For the show. Also to try to knock Kukuru out for real this time. 'Spectacular' turns out to mean going back upwards, and then creating a small tornado- and then powerbombing Kukuru through it, once more into the ground!
Stanley Padgett	"What do you mean 'Another'? Am... are there more like me out there?" Stanley has no idea of the SMASH BROS CINEMATIC UNIVERSE nor the prevalence of SWORDBROS. That said, he blinks as the hammers start to come in at him. "OH COME ON WHAT IS THIS?" He's forced to Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge as Hammers come flying at him. Mercutio flickers in and out of sight as the young fencer flickers and makes his way over towards the first Hammer Bros, managing to bop it on the head to get into its shell... which he picks up. He turns in place, and is forced to do some.... mental math. He looks to the other Hammer Bros, who is having to trundle over to get into range... and tosses the shell up and into the air. The towering frame of Mercutio flicks its sabers, sending the shell caroming into the other Hammer Bros... and then hopefully into the back of Bowser. "You know, you're just as.... forward about things as Miss Princess Sarra, right?"
Sarracenia	Sarracenia isn't sure this is the same Bowser as the one she faced a long while back, but it seems to be going much the same way. Those hammers come flying toward her like rockets. She manages to parry them with her own hammer, but Bowser's strength is just too much. She deflects them but each hit knocks her back and makes her stumble before finally falling over. She gets back up quickly, panting a bit from being pummeled by hammers and teeth clenched in anger. She tightens her grip on her hammer, and a magical energy starts to flow out from it, slowly engulfing her in a prismatic aura and causing her hair to ignore some of the effects of gravity. "I am just as good as her...I put thought into things! Just because I'm not all quiet and reserved like her doesn't make me bad!" she exclaims. The energy builds more, and her eyes look toward Stanley. "You might want to keep clear." is all she says in that controlled way someone does who is already over the edge. After that, she seems to become possessed! She runs toward Bowser, hammering away in a rapid and berserker-like up and down motion. Each hit causes small shockwaves and may send ripples through the wood again. For a good 30 seconds the hammer frenzy of the DK Hammer makes Sarracenia see nothing but red and Bowser. If she were actually being strategic, she could have sent her own troops to battle for the tree, but...she's really not the strategic sort.
Kukuru	"... Aw, see? I knew you cared~" Kukuru whispers as she holds that post-slam pose, staying nearby Kale without even a thought in her mind about actually trying to get out of the way. They've got a good thing going on here, after all, although slamming each other into the dirt non-stop does have even Kukuru panting, sweating, and sounding winded. Nevertheless, the show must go on, and Kale brings her up into the sky once again. Strangely enough, Kukuru actually sounds like she's finally enjoying herself instead of preparing for the terror of the fall. Her face is still scrunched up like she's trying to look TOUGH and ENFORCER-like, though, but Kale can easily tell just from the way she's holding onto him this third go around. Going through the tornado, though, does have her sputtering quite a bit. Not screaming in terror, but definitely having trouble keeping her hold and bracing herself while getting brought through the supernatural wind tunnel. Unfortunately for Kale's plans, however, the show will continue even after that third slam. Kukuru proves to be far more hard-headed (or perhaps just really good at passively healing herself) that, although she still gets laid out by the powerbomb with her head bent in an unnatural way while one of her arms looks to be outright broken behind her back. She just doesn't stay down for long, and her working arm's grip is still tight around Kale's leg. Fighting the pain in her entire body, Kukuru inhales slowly before sitting up abruptly, then turning towards the birdman with a (fake) deathly stare in her eyes. Glasses cracked, she shakes her head once to throw them off before stomping her feet to create another pair of teleport-signaling clouds between their already-cratered landing point and the airship above. Once again, it's time to fall. Unlike before, the clouds stay, and Kukuru keeps trying to drag Kale through them with her as they keep building up speed. "This is... Getting kinda fast, isn't it?" It's not until reaching terminal velocity that she realizes she might not actually survive the impact. "Um... D-don't worry! I have an idea." Thus, Kukuru cowards out and moves the exit to the ground on their last pass, aiming herself and Kale upwards so they sail nice and high before falling back down to the ground once more in a one-armed spinning izuna drop!
Bowser	The first Hammer Bro is incapacitated by the quick jump, reflexively diving back into its shell, where it is quickly grabbed. The other Hammer Bros turns, but Stanley has already done the galaxy math. The shell flies precisely, sailing through the air with lethal speed. It hits the other hammer flinger in the face and hurls it off the air ship into the open air! A perfect shot. It bounces off one wall and careens towards Bowser, gathering speed as it goes. The shell hits on Bowser's shell, dead on, the impact head enough to cause a sudden WHUMP as the kinetic energy is transferred! The usually impervious koopa shell SHATTERS as it impacts Bowser's own shell, the spikes ripping it asunder. A naked Koopa spills out onto airship, quickly scrambling away. "It's regal and proper! You put thought into things and then you quietly show them off and you just let other people enjoy them! That's why she's a good princess!" Kammy is making gagging sounds off in the corner, pointing her finger down her throat. Bowser reaches up, palm out flat. When the hammer and the hand meet, there is a furious CRACK of wood. A CRACKLE of bone as all that weight lands on Bowser's outstretched hand. It is clearly painful, the BIG BOSS's entire face twisting in pain as he catches the blow. The deck ripples again with the shock, shuddering the entire airship. But when it ends, Bowser has only sunk slightly through the deck and his arm looks rather... rough. But he holds the hammer up in his hand, away from driving some serious pain. MEANWHILE. "Look, I'm just saying, we only make what we need, we don't have to manufacture goods for other people." One of the koopas attaching rockets to the tree says to a Toad tied up. "You steal things!" "Well, yea, but so do big businesses, we just do it openly. You should try it, yea, you get beat up a lot, but we also have a lot of down time, me and my husband have been learning to make pottery, it's really relaxing, and we don't have to do it for business, the castle gives us free healthcare." MEANWHILE MEANWHILE Peach makes her way to a balcony, just in time to wave her hand out, "Mariooooooo!" Two men, one squat, one tall, leap into the air! They jump from cannonball to cannonball, bouncing higher off each one, and expertly leaping to another. They climb higher and higher on a staircase of cannon balls, sending each one straight down to the ground. With a final leap, both land on the prow of the airship. Red and Green flash in the firelight. Moustaches wave heroically in the wind. "PLUMBERS! FINALLY!" Bowser begins to laugh. SOMETIME IN THE PAST. Bowser picks up the tablet. It is a hard piece of stone with a stylus attached by a cord. It can fold up in the middle, with two drawing sections that should lay face to face when closed. He picks up the glowing cubes. "Say your prayers, PLUMBERS." BACK TO THE PRESENT. It's a single movement, but like the hammer blow, it's one filled with power. Bowser ducks down, tucking in. Then the deck FLEXES once more as Bowser kicks up with both legs. Even Mario and Luigi are thrown to the edge of the railing as the FORCE of Bowser's shell makes a BOOMING shockwave. Minions and foe alike, hurled to the edges of the ship!
Bowser	As Bowser lifts up, he reaches into his pocket(somewhere) and pulls out... a strange folding tablet, a stylus hanging from it.
Kale Hearthward	"Wait-" Kale's eyes go wide as he recognizes terminal velocity when he sees it. (Or feels it, rather.) "Kukuru this is too fast-" His boots flare, giving everything he has - and gradually, painstakingly slowly, he manages to slow their fall, and bring their momentum down... Till gently, gradually, they don't slam into the ground this time, but very gently touch down. "... Whew... that could have been... bad," says Kale. And then, at ground level, he just tries to slam Kukuru into the floor point blank, foregoing the height this time.
Stanley Padgett	Bowser's MASSIVE STOMP levels half the deck, smashing Koopas, Goombas, Princesses and Plumbers around all alike. But someone's Figured Out The Pattern. Stanley Padgett sees the wave coming, and hops and bops one of the nearby Shyguys. The jump casts him high up into the air on the rebound, and the lean young man twists in midair... and stalls out. A gust of wind buoys the boy a moment longer, as Mercutio shimmers into view. "...alright you big lug, you can't keep that up forever." The massive Ghostly Fencer slashes into the air, and Stanley does the only sensible thing before he's forced to land on the far side of the King. Surround the King in a massive gross cloud of toxins. "TOXICRON!" There's a wash of digital static around Bowser, that digs at his scales and- horror of horrors, tries to get inside of his shell and get all digitally itchy.
Kukuru	Thanks to the power of teamwork, Kukuru and Kale are able to avoid a most unfortunate (but flashy) fate! Instead, their fall is far less awful, and even the person responsible for putting them in that situation needs a moment to catch her breath. "Y... Yeah... But let's finish this, traitor to the Santa!" Still sounding heartened even if her stamina isn't quite there any more, Kukuru resumes grappling with Kale once more. It doesn't take long before he can get the upper hand, though, and he slams her right back down with something far less impressive looking than what they've been doing this whole time. If anyone had paid for this show, they'd probably be pissed right about now. For those actually living here, though, it's likely a great relief to see that Kukuru, who had been punching a house earlier, doesn't actually get back up this time around. "I'm not done yet...!" It's not for a lack of trying as she attempts to push herself back up, but she falls right back down seconds later with a pained wince and curls up a bit from the soreness in her everywhere. "Nnh! O-okay, maybe... Okay I'm done now." She /had/ just gotten slammed into the ground for the fourth time or so, after all. Her arm is still bending at an odd angle, too, and she lets out a pained groan even as the healing nanites resume doing their weird tech shit right in her body to start putting things back where they should be slowly. From the corner of her (now glasses-freed) eyes, though, Kukuru sees movements. Red and green ones, moving up the cannon balls, and she squints slightly for emphasis. It might look a little weird without the glasses. "Who...? Uh. Are they your friends over there?"
Sarracenia	The hammer rage is held in check by the powerful King Koopa, and by the time it wears off Sarracenia is just kind of staring in disbelief. "N-no way..." she stammers. That was her strongest attack and it barely made a dent! "How do you even know that about her?! Are you spying on her all the time?!" she exclaims, only to have Bowser leap into the air. Being at ground zero, that massive stomp also sends Sarra sailing back. She manages to avoid being completely flattened with an acrobatic recovery, but she is still very obviously on her last bits of strength. Having trouble keeping her balance and panting from the effort of the battle, one might expect her to be happy to have reinforcements in the form of plumbers. But, one would be wrong. They are just another symbol of things that Peach has which she does not. "Oh great..." she mutters. "...plumbers might save me and probably won't even notice me." she continues, likely inaudible to anyone else amidst the chaos. She isn't content to lie back and be saved by -someone else's- plumbers, though! She does the best thing she can with low energy. She reaches into her satchel and pulls out...a couple of bob-ombs! "Go, my cute little explosives!" she exclaims before throwing them. She has a pretty good arm, especially for a princess!
Kale Hearthward	"I think you're done now..." says Kale. "I've got the East Wind parked not far from here, we'll go get you patched up..." He starts moving, and winces. "Get us both patched up," he corrects himself. He glances in the direction Kukuru indicates, and considers. Should he stay and help Stanley and Sarracenia? Nah, they've got this.
Kale Hearthward	Oh no it appears Kale has totally forgotten to try to save the Christmas tree This was completely accidental and not at all an intentional oversight
Kukuru	"Mmnn... Yeah, good idea. If it's just over there..." Kukuru finally manages to get herself back up, then strolls right on over to Kale. Her legs are working better already, and she doesn't wince nearly as much as before once she does, but her arm still looks jacked up as though she hasn't healed it one bit. She might be doing that on purpose just to see the East Wind. Kale and the crew are sure to get some tasty snacks out for their troubles. Following Kale's glance towards the airship again, she giggles lightly under her breath and nudges Kale along. "They'll be okay. They're close to the big finish, so we shouldn't interrupt. That'd sour the whole thing for everyone watching from home~" Yes, she still believes it's all an act. Who's going to tell her it wasn't?
Bowser	THAT does it. Stanley puts that turtle shell galaxy math to work. Bowser is a creature who can withstand a BUILDING falling on him, and hold it up to boot. Bowser smirks as he brings both arms up, flexing powerful biceps to simply absorb the strange cloud. "What was that ab-" A painful gurgle roils through Bowser's stomach. He doubles over, clutching at his middle. Every muscle tenses and his face contorts in pain. "What... what did you do? He has strength enough to do one thing. He holds the tablet at the folding point like one might a book, picking up the tablet. The Mario Brothers finally get themselves up and point at Bowser, speaking in rushed Italian. Then both pull out their hammers. "Welcome To. Math Wizard." The tablet says in a clipped male voice. "I Am Here To Te-" "SHUT UP! I know how this works." Bowser scribbles furiously as he feels a fire in his guts. He has to squint and use his huge claws to do it in a rush. The tablet suddenly erupts with light! The tablet then speaks, "Mario MINUS Luigi Equals. Calculating..." Beep. "Zero." Mario and Luigi wink out of existence just as they are about to bring their hammers down. One second they are there, then both fizzle out of existence. Bowser rubs his thumb across the screen, then starts to scribble again. His face is concentrating hard. He has one chance to do this. THe clipped male voice. "Bowser PLUS Peach Equals. Calculating..." Then comes the bombobs. Bowser has to actually duck, pulling into his shell. Each of the cute little spheres land on him then there is a mighty BOMB! Complete with flashing colors. The tablet is at the middle of the explosion. Four small cubes suddenly explode out from the middle of the tablet, launched impossibly far into the air and out to the four corners of the world. The tablet itself lands on the floor. Kammy grabs the edge of the shell, brandishing her wand at the still standing Stanley and Sarracenia. She is one third their size, but she waves the wand in a brief circle. "ABRA CADABRA!" A wind builds up, pushing the two, and the tablet, towards the edge of the airship, so she can drag off her boss in a full retreat! The two koopas putter along on the christmas tree as it flies away on a little propeller stand. "Do you think any of this is wrong? You know, morally?" "Nah, I try not to think too hard about it."
Stanley Padgett	Okay, local heroes go blip into nothingness. Stanley will have time to have some REALLY righteous indignation about that later. But at the order from the Princess, Stanley Padgett does some more of that... mental calculation. The winds build up around him again, and as the deck is washed clear of Heroes and Minions and Tablets, the Fencer lightly steps from Goomba to Bullet Bill to Koopa to- Snag that tablet out of the air. "Got it!" And then he's falling. And falling. A look up to Sarracenia, and he gives a thumbs up, as he plummets to the ground.
Sarracenia	Sarracenia is ready to be just completely blown away...but she was not ready for the two hero brothers to be simply mathed out of existence. She lets out an extremely surprised and dismayed sound and her eyes widen. She tries to hang on as that magical stormwind starts pushing them, but as the tablet lands nearby she starts scrambling on hands and knees toward it. Which doesn't work well in a dress, so she just trips and lands on her face. She gets back to her feet finally and points. "Don't worry about me! Get the tablet!" she calls out. Stanley does just that, and she dives off the side after him. The thumbs up makes her blink before getting a frown of concentration. She folds up to quicken her fall and catch up to Stanley, grabbing onto him when she can. She pulls out a pair of leaves and presses one to herself and then to him, giving both of them raccoon tails. Hers starts wagging and their fall slows. "Wag that tail!" she demands. This should lead them to a feather-light landing.
Bowser	The Toad Brigade is here! Five toads with an old school fire trampoline rush out just under Sarracenia, lifting up to cushion her landing. Toadsworth follows out, "Oh my! Oh my. Are you both okay, you pummeled that rascle Bowser. The tree is gone, but at least everyone is safe!" Medical attention and hot cocoa are quickly coming up to the rescue. Blankets and robes are offered and bits of a large mushroom with eyes are carefully parceled out to the two. After a moment, Toadsworth blinks. "Where did Mario and Luigi go?"