Scene #8594: Like Gungnir, You've Failed to Grasp Anything

Owner	Pose
Hibiki Tachibana	One day after her birthday. For some reason, that fact leaves a dull, painful ache inside. Hibiki hasn't really changed resting locations since her meeting with Qetra. The very same spot - the sandstrewn, untouched beach resting on the bank of a truly massive river, with the greenery of trees at her back and the ebbing and flowing blue waves ahead. Far off to the east is the framing of an expansive bridge crossing the entire distance ahead, towards the far shore. There, a glimmering skyline of city buildings stretches from horizon to horizon. A city not of her own world, but still 'a Japan', and so watching the urban sprawl from afar evokes a comforting sense of familiarity in lieu of actually returning home. Close enough that she could simply walk over anytime she liked, yet far enough that she doesn't give into the undercurrent of want. The combined radiance, still shining brightly as evening falls. can just barely reach here. A portion of the coast where Hibiki sits cross-legged, elbow propped on her knee and cheek resting against her hand, staring off at...nothing in particular, too stuck in her own thoughts to truly put any focus on something she can see with her eyes. Being here is decently good for trying to get her head in order. Maybe. She's not sure if it's on straighter or not after Qetra. "...What am I going to do now...?" The Titanomachia had come for the Kana. After what they discovered in the wake of that.../thing/, the Paladins--or maybe it was just Lilian, Petra, Ishirou, Futaba...--are the ones who felt like they deserved to know most. Thus, the anonymous tip. They'd be able to handle rendering proper aid to the harmed, and it'd put them on its trail too. That'd give her time to decide her own course of action. And then they took one. If they're actively coming for it, that changes things. She doesn't really have a choice but to get the Watch involved now, does she...? Would keeping it to herself, Dysnomia, and Remee be the irresponsible option? Can she trust the rest of them to handle things--can she trust /herself/ to? ...Is there even any time to doubt herself right now, when every day might be another attempt to reclaim the wreckage? Hibiki inhales sharply, sitting up further and rubbing at her eyes with her thumbs. At her side, her phone is set down next to a single dog-themed speaker, currently playing some brand of heavy metal J-rock turned down to be background noise rather than ear-blaringly loud. It's kind of just been going through a playlist for a while now. "...Maybe I should just go try looking through those, and then figure something out from there..." Old reports and contacts, from the one time they had an operation at the Titanomachia. That'd be good for helping figure out how to handle things next... Despite so long being on edge, waiting for and expecting and even hoping for what's going to happen today to come, it's ironic that this is one of the few times her mind is set somewhere else entirely. Everything with that is just too fresh in her mind, and even with bags of both physical and mental exhaustion under her eyes, she just has to keep doing what she can while she can. If she lets herself rest for too long, if she lets herself get too comfortable, then...
Lilian Rook	The Watch knows that Lilian can find just about anything she wants, if given enough reason. Hibiki knows better than most. Lilian has found her before. Back then, it was a different arrangement of things; feelings, connections, blame. A different magnitude of sins, and a different balance of unanimous consensus, on who is the root of evil. Back then, Lilian came right to Hibiki's home, within range of Her Sunshine, and made demands to release her so-called friend. Back then, Hibiki awaited her with resentful antipathy, assuming she could handle everything herself, and didn't. Back then, Lilian was alone, unpopular, acting in secret, feeling that she had to do what nobody else could, and reviled for it, as she slid further towards the edge for doing it. This time, Lilian shows up out of the woods along the riverbank with company. Navigating by strange, uncanny knowing, it's only the last portion that is imperceptible to all, so that Hibiki has no real warning. Not even slightly dressed for an outing to the wilds outside of town, Lilian's first words to her lack all of her prior anger. Her disbelief is gone. Somehow, that feels worse. "Filthy and homeless, I see. Even when it comes to dealing with this sort of thing, you can't do anything but copy Petra." "Apologies, but I'm not taking you out for karaoke. I don't care about §fixing/smoothing over/making like them all§ you." The verbal distortion passes without notice. "You've always spoken about making things right, but I see you've done nothing. You knew you had to answer for this, and you've chosen to lie around like refuse, waiting to be picked up by someone else. Can you do anything for yourself? Is there anyone in there?"
Petra Soroka	Petra's promised that she'd come for Hibiki for months now. Even before the theft of the Kana, their relationship had deteriorated so much that Petra had threatened to maim her multiple times, and insisted that they were irreconcilable enemies. Most of that was for Lilian's sake, of course, and Petra couldn't have kept it up if she didn't have Lilian to rely on, but because of the Kana their relationship is justifiably antagonistic on a personal level, too. So it should feel fine, right? It does, mostly. Trekking through the woods with Lilian is almost enough on its own to make it all feel okay. Being on Lilian's side rather than against her, especially in these kinds of situations, never stops feeling warm and proud in Petra's chest, even after months. It's better this way, this is the best way it could've gone, she's right and right by Lilian, and being opposed to everyone else is both a cost and benefit to that. Just a week ago, Petra wouldn't even have a flicker of a feeling otherwise. She still doesn't have any intentions of doing otherwise; she knows her role and she made promises to both of them to this end. But while she walks to the location that Lilian said she was at, her phone and the texts on it feel heavier than they should in her pocket. Petra's exit from the treeline isn't nearly as subtle as Lilian's, but it's also a handful of seconds later, so subtlety isn't the point. Branches crack when she pushes them aside and foliage crunches under her feet, and when she steps out onto the edge of the river beach, Pillar of Creation is already manifested in her hand. She arrives right as Lilian is calling her filthy. "That's--" Petra automatically protests at first, then her tone slides into blunt hostility to match Lilian's. "God. She couldn't even get the part where she murdered a Chevalier right, she had to settle for noncombatants instead. Though, honestly, any one of them probably did more good for the world than Ishirou." "And you're just lying on the ground." It takes Petra a couple more steps to line up beside Lilian, slightly behind, unconsciously forming two-thirds of an incomplete V. "You knew we were coming, you had to. So not preparing anything either means you have a deathwish, or you're expecting a fight about fucking feelings, like you always do. I hope it's a deathwish, since you're the one who showed me that those kinds of fights don't exist."
Hibiki Tachibana	Lilian has found her before. That's why she knew. A matter of 'when', not 'if'. All her scurrying around wasn't for the sake of trying to hide. Although she's sure that's what it looks like. If anything, she should be happy. She's told others more than once that she was waiting to get it over with. So in that sense, at least, she absolutely was refuse waiting to be picked up. But now that it's actually happening without warning, now that one familiar voice and then the other are cutting through the mostly-silence, in person, for real, in those matter-of-fact tones--a frigid chill runs down her spine, and her mouth and throat feel dry as soon as she opens her mouth. What comes out from her slightly hoarse throat isn't an immediate reply, but an echoing chant. "Balwisyall nescell...Gungnir tron..." Slowly pushing up off her feet, a wreath of golden light erupts from her pendant and envelops her body, before flecking away in fragments to reveal Gungnir - undersuit, then leggings, then gauntlets, then headset, and finally the scarf bursting into existence and billowing behind her a split second too late to entirely hide the grimace on her face, when she turns around. It doesn't do a thing about the sunken-in exhaustion in her eyes, though. "I'm not bothering this time," she answers back to Petra, the flat tone of her own voice hardly reflecting the wrench in her chest that comes with saying them. "...Because you're right. We all know it wouldn't actually work. So just think of it as a deathwish, sure." Her lips purse, and hands clench at her sides, regarding Lilian. It'd be easy, wouldn't it? Have an emotional retaliation, talking about how much she's been trying to do--Remee, Nephra, the Kana, Titanomachia, all her doubts and all her feelings on everything...but if she cared about defending herself, she would have tried to do it before. The only reason she might consider it is because it might make her look pathetic enough for them to be even rougher with her. That's a good start~ but if you're really, actually obsessed, you should start showing it. "This /is/ something I'm doing for myself--so you don't need to bother apologizing, even as a joke. None of this is surprising from me anymore, right? Being a messed-up disappointment is normal." That feeling behind her ribs gets heavier with each word, but the glare she's casting towards the both of them only gets sharper. Things really are different from back then. Turnabout feels more awful than she could have imagined. "So you don't have to pretend to tolerate me anymore. Not here. You have all the excuse you need to take me apart as much as you want to--don't you!?" Her volume raises for the first time - because it comes with her cutting the talk short and forcing the issue by being the first one to tense and break forward. From here to suspended a meter in the air right in front of them both in the span of a moment, bringing an armored-clad leg around in a leaping, whirling kick towards both of their heads. She'll start answering for it, exactly like this.
Lilian Rook	'Balwisyall nescell--' "That's what I thought." says Lilian. The cold, composed tension vanishes from her like a cloud of smoke, drifting away and only leaving hot, rolling relief beneath it. An energy like muscles so constantly tensed that they shiver when relaxed. "That's all you know how to do. Cry, lie to me, and then lash out in violence." 'This /is/ something I'm doing for myself--' "Just like everything else you've ever done. Isn't that right, Tachibana? Clinging to people, doing nothing, lying and fighting and pretending it validates your feelings, dragging everyone down around you; that's all you've done for three years." Lilian sighs. Her fingertips come up to her cheek, near to her scar, and then she strokes them back through her hair. "Why do you think you can say that out loud? Do you think if you say it's normal, first, that you can't be criticized for it? It should't be normal, Tachibana. You shouldn't be so comfortable with it being normal." 'So you don't have to pretend to tolerate me anymore.' "You're right. I don't." Lilian doesn't transform. Her armour isn't out; not yet. The way she focuses on Hibiki isn't so nobly confrontational as that. It looks like seeing her for the first time. The look in her eyes is like a final admission that she hates what she sees. The breath that escapes her is that of someone who has to face the awful, miserable mess they'd turned their eyes from, and hoped would clean itself up. "I don't have to bleed for you anymore, Tachibana, because you're worthless. You've never done a kind thing for me in your life." Lilian folds her arms. She stands in the way of the approaching kick. It'd be easy to imagine that this is because she plans to 'stop time' and move out of the way; Hibiki is probably on guard for that, and ready to protect herself from a different direction. Instead, what happens, is that Lilian says, §"Stop."§ A blade of psychic force slams itself through the front of Hibiki's skull and pierces right through her brain. Not a physical, tangible one, but something her mind processes as infinitely sharp and unfathomably hard, tangled up in synesthetic memory of frigid night air and creaking steel, ghastly prickling light and the smell and taste of blood. It's something that passes through bone and brain and will and thought and lodges its merciless point into something deep, deep inside her, and for an instant, the phantom sword severs thought from impulses and forces her to. "Let me disabuse you of something. Your personhood isn't real. And I can decide to stop believing in it at any time. You people need to start fucking learning that you can't get what you want by fighting me. So I'm going to start with finally making you give me all the answers I want."
Petra Soroka	There's one thing that talking during a fight always helps with, and that's getting angrier at the person she's fighting against. Hibiki-of-text quickly fades away as Petra has to listen to the real Hibiki start talking at her. "Would it not work, or does it not exist? Has trying to talk to someone by fighting them ever fucking worked out, even fucking once?" There it is, this is something Petra can get annoyed at. It says something, unconsciously, that Petra stands still during the brief narrative breath before the conversation starts too, just like Hibiki does. There's not even any morphmetal leaking from her sleeves in anticipation of the fight yet, though she's readying her spear to the side. "There's no fucking reason to fight someone if you don't mean to hurt them. That's what I've learned. So..." Petra clenches her fist around the black-gold spear, city-lights in the distance reflecting off the glasslike facets when she twists it. "Be glad Lilian's here to stop your deathwish from coming true." Petra ducks and shields her head with her forearm from the kick, skidding back through the dirt from the impact. She shakes her arm and droplets of weighty quicksilver fly out, pattering on the ground around her. "God! Of course it's for you! You've never fucking managed to do anything for anyone else!" Sand kicks up behind her when she dashes to the side, moving in an arc to flank Hibiki with Lilian. "If you were fucking 'messed-up', then you'd at least have the fucking dignity to be interesting about it! All you do is the exact same fucking selfish, apathetic garbage as everyone else, suffocating and demanding and never doing a fucking thing for Lilian in return. It's always too difficult, or you don't know how, or you'll make up for it later, anything instead of actually just saying how little you really care." Petra's skin prickles when Lilian slams her mental command into Hibiki, itching feebly propagating outwards. Behind Hibiki, Petra skids to a halt with her spear in the ground, twisting around to kick her in the back while she's stunned from Lilian's spike. She doesn't swing around with overexaggerated motion and dramatics, kicking to send Hibiki flying in a spray of sparks of metal-on-magical-metal. She kicks aiming down, to drive Hibiki into the ground face-first, and digs her heel into her spine once she's there with practiced precision. "She thinks that fighting for 'herself' is the one thing we can't take away from her." Petra giggles, with a mean edge to her voice. "I don't think she even knows how to talk to us if she's not treating us as villains or pitying us."
Hibiki Tachibana	...That's all you've done for three years. She has just been doing a lot of clinging and lying. Hasn't she? You shouldn't be so comfortable with it being normal. She's not. You've never done a kind thing for me in your life. You've never fucking managed to do anything for anyone else! The last year was . . . nice, though. It really was, Tachibana. Of course Hibiki would be expecting 'stopped time' - as far back as their first fight, she was doing her best to figure out how to compensate. It didn't particularly work, but she was. Whether she can be any better about it this time around is up in the air, as what Lilian does is wholly different and unexpected. She hits Petra, but on her kick's way to Lilian-- She stops, tense body posture locking down and kick entirely losing its momentum and strength in mid-air, leaving it to feebly miss its mark as ice cold, painful sharpness stabs into her skull and momentarily blanks everything out. Her eyes only get the chance to go wide in the instant before Petra belts her into the sand, limbs jolting on impact and motionless while she's ground down by her boot. "Saying--how little I care...? Yeah...words would never be...enough for care..." The inside of her head is still recoiling and swimming, speech coming out muffled, and there's a sickening feeling bubbling in her gut at Lilian's threat. Make her? With that? She already knew she'd never win against Lilian, but not this. She had different plans than just maiming her all over again...? Maybe she shouldn't be surprised. "The only.../only/...way to get what I want--is by fighting you...! It's the /one/ hope I have of unscrewing all of this--!" A fist digs into sand as it scrunches up, the pilebunker in the gauntlet behind it priming back with a pneumatic hiss. The other does the same a quarter-second after, and they don't linger in their prepared positions before they both punch back forward into their moorings at the same time. The potent shockwaves of raw kinetic energy they're capable of producing is channeled straight downwards into the earth beneath all of them, sending a quaking rumble throughout the sand almost like a warning--before it all /erupts/ directly from below in a sudden and violent, upwardsexplosion of force. A massive spherical pit is excavated out as particles go flying in every imaginable direction, and all three of them will be sent flying and scattering without any defending themselves. Hibiki, at least, will do her best to come down on her feet a dozen meters away in something resembling a clean landing, and try and brace herself again. "Just what /answers/ do you want out of me!?" Penance for all the crap she's put them through is one thing. But if she intends to root around in her head--
Lilian Rook	'Saying--how little I care...? Yeah...words would never be...enough for care...' "That's true. They aren't." says Lilian. Her arms are still folded, feet still planted where she started. The wind from the kick blows her hair aside, causing her earrings and her hairpin to jingle quietly, but her stare doesn't break. "But I'd like you to think, Tachibana. When was the last time that you actually told me what you feel? I've heard, allegedly, that you have some thoughts about me, but how many times have we interacted and you weren't nasty and miserable?" "Words mean fuck all Tachibana, but they're even less than meaningless if you don't even say them. I don't believe you. Why should I? All you ever do is fuck things up, hurt me, and then go sulk until you're forgiven." 'The only.../only/...way to get what I want--is by fighting you...! It's the /one/ hope I have of unscrewing all of this--!' "Of course you think that." Lilian sighs. If words could burn skin, hers would be acidic enough. "Because if a miracle happened and you were somehow able to defeat me, that'd solve it all, right? If you could just shut that bitch up, just break her bones and show her her place, make her realize that you aren't scared of her and that she'll get crushed for stepping out of line, everything would be fine. All your shitty little friends, all the psychopaths in the Concord, said the same. What else does fighting achieve?" The blast wave through the ground is something Lilian has seen from Hibiki multiple times before. Seeing the pile bunkers go back is enough. A quarter second is enough time for Lilian to jump, and seeing it happen a quarter of a second before that is more than enough for her to engage magic(?) for just an instant, and air-step off of a ripple of black static, to arc elegantly over Hibiki's head; upside down at its apex, Lilian even holds eye contact for the briefest of moments, before she lands right behind Hibiki with a flutter of cloth, neatly on her high heels. 'Just what /answers/ do you want out of me!?' "Just what good will asking do, Tachibana? You've never done anything but lie and keep secrets, avoid and complain about me. I already know You won't answer me, so I'm just going to take them by force, like I always should have." Lilian closes on Hibiki with an aggressive in-step, reaching out to grab Hibiki somewhere, and settling for a fistful of hair at the last second. In the same instant Lilian's gaze acquires Hibiki's face again, the blade of petrichor and fresh blood and cherenkov light slams deeper into her mind. She can feel it take root there. Fractalizing lines of psychic energy, skewering into her scattered thoughts, draining each one and splitting into two more. Lilian's unadulterated force of will is winding its way into every corner of her head. Binding it together, anchoring surface thoughts like soil, and growing deeper.
Lilian Rook	'You've never fucking managed to do anything for anyone else!' "Of course she has." says Lilian. "She helped you abuse and murder her friends, and now she's helped Halcyon do the same. She can do things when they hurt people, you know." Each passing second, her awareness of her own thoughts diminishes as her awareness of Lilian grows. Ironclad weight presses down on her, cold and certain yet unmistakably alive. Everything she thinks of in the moment is getting crushed together and gathered up for Lilian to dissect and look inside before she knows it. §"Tell me. Why did you do nothing when I told you exactly why I needed Muramasa? Why did you do nothing when you saw me at Sapient Heuristics? Why did you do nothing when Petra was out to ruin my life? Why did you do nothing when she found out that you lied to her? Why did you do nothing when Ishirou died? Why did you do nothing when I was desperate and powerless and needed anyone at all to help? Why did you do nothing when Halcyon broke into Aegis Astray and murdered at will? Why are you still doing nothing? Tell me Tachibana. You've had so many times where raising those fists would have saved someone, but all you've ever done is point them at us. Tell me why the fuck you didn't lay out Halcyon then and there!"§
Petra Soroka	"Why the fuck--" Petra emphasizes the word by grinding the heel of her boot into Hibiki's back, three hundred pounds of metal bodyweight concentrated into rubber squealing on her armor. "Are you still talking about fixing? That's your fucking problem!" "You had--" Petra, leaning right over the midpoint between where Hibiki's two gauntlets dig into the ground, is blown upwards directly into the apex of the explosion. Rather than being flung wildly away and crashing into something, she hangs in the air for a second longer than she should, repulsors giving her a moment to readjust, tighten her grip on Pillar of Creation, and lock her focus on Hibiki's new location. She tucks her knees up, then springs upwards, launching in a delayed mid-air jump, directly over top Hibiki. Petra twists, angling Pillar of Creation to lead her descent with her body leaning into it, and fires her thrusters to propel herself straight downwards. The whistling of air past her body quickly shifts into something else, like fingernails on chalkboard overlaid with scattered, alien gibbering, in the brief second or two that she's falling. When she hits the ground, the sound swells momentarily in combination with the explosion of dirt and stand, incomprehensible chattering becoming shouting. Petra drives Pillar of Creation into Hibiki's shoulder with all the weight of falling, and when that makes her momentum stall, she pivots before hitting the ground, swinging around her spear to kick Hibiki in the chest with both feet. "You had three fucking years to fix it for Lilian! Or to not be a self-absorbed piece of shit in the first place! And now, after fucking up so many times, with Lilian finally deciding to take what you wouldn't ever bother to give to her--!" Silver, sprayed over the ground in a million scattered droplets that aren't close enough to merge, quivers and lifts slightly into the air. "You make some big fucking grand monologue about how this time you're not fighting the same way you always do, and then turn around and say you're fighting to fix things! Fight to fucking survive for once!" "Do you actually never learn anything? Do you never hear a word out of your own mouth? If you were so obsessed with fixing things and having conversations all the time, then why aren't you ever capable of having one without fighting?" Petra takes a step back, to give Lilian an uninterrupted approach to grab Hibiki's hair. Floating morphmetal droplets orbit her in a dozen concentric circles like an asteroid field, each one barely kept far enough from each other to not cohere together. "You don't care about fighting for a conversation. You don't care about fixing things. You fight instead of all of that. So that you can beat her down, and either come out triumphant over the rude bitch or act like a battered, magnanimous fucking hero when you lose, and feel like that's a good enough fucking replacement for actually talking. You either don't know how to, or don't want to talk like you respect Lilian as a fucking human being, or you would've done it, at some point in the last fucking year."
Petra Soroka	"She can do things when they hurt people, you know." "Yeah. What else is fighting good for, right? It's either hurting people to put them in their place, or hurting people because she's insecure, or because she's stupid and doesn't know how to act on anything but fucking animal instinct." Petra slides a hand down her spear, like she has to pet it whenever she's not actively utilizing it, and she looks at Lilian holding Hibiki's hair with a strange expression. "She only knows how to use that one fucking tool, inside her stupid thick skull. So she just applies it to everything like it'll help, and all the big fucking talk is justification for not having to learn how to use anything different. But tools only do what they're meant for, and she just doesn't care."
Hibiki Tachibana	When was the last time that you actually told me what you feel? She hasn't, really. She has never, ever been able to be unfiltered and brutally honest with Lilian Rook. She's come close, a couple times. The brief, little moment of connection visiting Metaphor's ship, where they held hands, might have been as close as it's actually gotten. But those are, once again, words she can't force out of her mouth. They die in her throat, as they have so many times before. Because if a miracle happened and you were somehow able to defeat me-- --So that you can beat her down, and either come out triumphant over the rude bitch or act like a battered, magnanimous fucking h-- That's not it! That's not what I'm trying to do! I'm not a hero! I'm the furthest thing from one! How many times do I have to say it!? Why did you ever even think I was!? Her head is going to split open even without another of those stabbings into her skull. She nearly can't keep up with the whirl of motion in the wake of her own attack, just catching a glint of Lilian's eyes and a flash of Petra sailing overhead, before the latter is bearing down on her. She's not fast enough, and for the second time, Petra Soroka digs a blade into her shoulder deep enough to wreck her ability to fight effectively with that arm. Blood splatters onto the haft of the EGO weapon, and she doesn't even realize it with the unintelligible shouting reverberating in her still-weak head. Her body is stumbling back on autopilot rather than conscious direction, leaving her to blearily process what Petra is saying. Doesn't care about fighting for a conversation...? ...That's how it's always been, hasn't it? They don't get it. They couldn't get it, because it's not something they do, nor is it something she could ever explain or put into proper words. That's exactly why she has to. Because words are nothing, words are imperfect, words can be misunderstood, and fighting is the only thing she's good at, one of the only ways she has to express herself. So if that's what it looks like, if that's all her fighting comes across as, if all her actions are rotten even when she keeps her mouth shut-- Then at some point, she really did lose sight of her justice, and the song in her chest. In the wake of Petra's assault and just how much she's reeling, it's no surprise Lilian snatches her cleanly by the hair. A wrench, and eye to eye contact, and that viciously sharp knife stabs back into the depths of her mind, forcing a drawn-out and hoarse scream of confusion and agony out of her all over again. She can't think straight. That pressure is too much. And Tachibana Hibiki, of all people, is a disgustingly open book when you force your way into the heart she wears on her sleeve.
Hibiki Tachibana	Why did you do nothing when I told you exactly why I needed Muramasa? I was a mess! I've always been a mess! I'm still a mess! I saw--I saw someone who reminded me so much of myself, and who I wanted to help! I just did whatever I wanted, without taking how you felt about it into account at all...! Back then, you were my senior, someone I looked up to, someone I couldn't stand, someone I wanted to show I could hold my own too--and all that gunk bled into everything! Even if I wanted to help him, really and truly, it was all selfish too! Why did you do nothing when Petra was out to ruin my life? I was trying to help /both of you/! I was dumb enough to think you'd be okay, even when I knew how fragile you really were...! I thought if I became friends with her, understood her, I'd be able to get it all to stop! That I could protect everything I cared about, not just one thing! But I could only see who was right in front of me! And for all that, I still couldn't get through to her at all! All I did was do all the wrong things, over and over again, and I kept on doing it because I couldn't see that I was the one making it worse...! Every time I try to hold onto everything, I'm not strong or smart enough, so I end up holding nothing! Why did you do nothing when she found out that you lied to her? I didn't lie on purpose! I really didn't! When I found out, I hated myself for it so much! I was stupid, and thoughtless, and I insulted something that was so...ridiculously important to me...! I didn't do anything because I was ashamed! I still am! There's so many things I've ruined by not taking even a little time to think, and I never learn! Why did you do nothing when Ishirou died? I wanted to believe...! I wanted to believe in Petra so, so badly! I should have stopped it! I could have stopped it! He should never ever fucking forgive me for that--! Why did you do nothing when I was desperate and powerless and needed anyone at all to help? I did the same thing I always do! I got too complacent, I waited for someone else to drop an answer into my lap, because I didn't know what to do! You were hurting so, so much, and I was useless! Petra trying her hardest was wasted on me because I was stuck up my own ass! Why are you still doing nothing? I'm trying! I'm trying as hard as I can! I'm out here and not at home because I know I'm weak! I'd lose all my nerve and get comfortable and do nothing, again! I went after Remee to force her to learn how bad she screwed up! I went after Nephra and ripped apart that damn suit she hides behind! You're the ones I wanted to make sure learned about the Titanomachia, because I thought you deserved to know more than anyone...! I tried my best to destroy that stupid mech because I was so sick of people getting swept away by some killing machine! I hate the idea of even more fighting and murder because of it! I'm trying so hard...to catch up and be a good person too...!
Hibiki Tachibana	Why did you do nothing when Halcyon broke into Aegis Astray and murdered at will? Tell me why the fuck you didn't lay out Halcyon then and there! I sympathized with her! She was as screwed up about Petra as I was! So I made the same mistakes, again! I put too much faith in the wrong people! I let someone get away with awful things because caring made me look past it, even when Haru was giving me the advice I needed right to my face! I was arrogant and stupid enough to think it could be done without really hurting anyone, that I could make sure it'd end okay-- I didn't save a damn thing! It was Ishirou all over again! When it really mattered, all I could do was panic! I was so goddamn shocked either of them would do that--and then it was too late to save anyone! I don't have any excuse for not doing anything before then! Nothing I do will ever take that back! Nothing I do to Remee, nothing I've done all these weeks to try and take responsibility by myself without being forced into it...nothing will change that it happened! Nothing! Nothing--nothing-- At that point, as the emotional stress and mental weight becomes truly overbearing, Hibiki seems to have an almost visceral, volatile reaction - a full-body shudder before she abruptly and violently whirls her body into lashing out with her fis--no, for the briefest of flashes, a black and crimson-wreathed claw trying to send her flying, moving so quickly that the visible shockwave it produces will indirectly smash into Petra too. But a flash is only a flash, back to normal as quickly as it happened. Anyone else, and it'd just have looked like nothing more than her ordinary fist. And whether she's still hanging limply from Lilian's grip on her hair or has gotten free to fall facedown in the sand--it's impossible to tell if her face has ended up more wet with sweat or tears, ugly gasps and choking sobs coming as rapidly and desperately as her breathing. She keeps babbling on even without more probing of her mind. "I d-don't care about...fighting t-to survive...the t-thing I need to fight f-for...to work so hard to f-fix...is me. "That's why...all of this...letting the ones I hurt, hurt me back...letting y-you beat up the stupid idiot girl who screws it all up...a-all you want, when nobody w-will blame you...where y-you're the heroes...that'd be worth so much more...than more broken promises and words I can't live up to..." "I m-messed up so many times...and kept messing up...even w-when you have rules I should know...s-so if t-this didn't fix me even a little bit...I'd really be hopeless, r-right...? N-No...I still am...now I'm making some...u-useless speech again..." "I ju-just wanted to help people...b-but if I can't understand...or make a single thing better...for t-two girls I care about so much...even if I'm not like them...m-maybe I should have just..." ...died in that accident after all.
Petra Soroka	The way that Petra stared at Lilian wasn't, actually, out of jealousy of Hibiki for having her hair yanked back and being forced to look into Lilian's eyes-- not just that, at least. The torrent of information that passes between the other two girls, questions and answers, is silent to Petra. She's left out of the conversation, because it doesn't involve her, and because she can't possibly be included, because of what she is, so she's left standing dumbly for a few seconds while Hibiki and Lilian whisper in a language that only ever sounds like static to her. Geometrically precise orbital rings of morphmetal drift into vague unreadability, and Petra's eyes slide away from looking at the two girls to look over the water at the cityscape instead, like she feels like she has to give them privacy. It's alright, if she thinks of her own presence here as being a tool of Lilian's, rather than an actor in her own right. And that's true, really, since no matter how much personal antagonism she has with Hibiki, it won't ever compare to Lilian's feelings, and Lilian's feelings are what she's here acting on anyways. So she just waits, while those feelings are communicated in a more direct and heartfelt way than she'd ever be able to manage herself. Pausing for a breath means losing all the shouting momentum that she'd worked so hard to build up already. It also means that she's standing still when that claw comes out, and the shockwave slams into her and threatens to lift her off her feet to send her flying away. Petra's own green scarf and jacket flatten against her body, and her built-up galaxy of quicksilver is blasted into the woods, tiny flechettes ripping through foliage and scouring bark off of trees in a huge cone behind her. Petra herself has to duck her head down and dig her heels into the ground, still digging troughs in the dirt while being slid back.
Petra Soroka	And then it's right back to Hibiki crying. Petra's anger drained away, and looking at Hibiki now, all she feels is sad and frigidly numb. She straightens up, readjusts her hair, and encases Pillar of Creation in a silver sheath to reabsorb it into her body while walking to approach Hibiki. "I think I remember saying almost exactly all that too, right, Lilian? All that about fixing myself by letting you hurt me, in a way that makes you the hero. So you wouldn't have to put up with me, so you'd have some kind of tension release." Petra's voice has settled back into being lightly conversational, as long as it isn't directed at Hibiki. Chatting with Lilian about Hibiki's words without even addressing the girl herself is briefly, intensely dehumanizing, like Petra is referring to Hibiki like she would a movie that they're watching together. Petra's attention mercifully lands on Hibiki again after that, but her tone only gets more disdainful for it. "But that's one thing I didn't understand back then. Lilian is a hero-- and I'm a hero, by being on her side. And they're all happy to call her that as long as she's doing all their work for them. But the moment we hurt one of you, anything that we do makes us fucking villains. Tell that fucking tragic story to anyone else and see how long it takes for them to say 'bitch' or 'monster'." "So if that's already going to be the case--" If Hibiki's not already fallen to the ground, Petra shoves her down, then stomps on her hand and leans over her. By automatic deference and authoritative framing, Petra leaves the majority of Hibiki's field of vision free-- she's not leaning over Hibiki's face or core, but she's displaced to the side, so that Lilian can still take up the center of her perception. Quicksilver runs out of her sleeve and into her hand, accumulating into a crude knife. "We can just do whatever we want and not worry about it." "Oh, and if you want to reprise my whole arc so fucking bad, Tachibana, then let me give you some advice." Petra flips the knife in her hand, and Hibiki is acutely aware of the way that Petra's boot pins her hand in place to expose her wrist. "If I'd failed to be able to help Lilian for as long as you have, I would've killed myself already."
Lilian Rook	It's hard to gauge how much time passes while Lilian has near-absolute dominance of Hibiki's thoughts. Without the ability to register much of anything happening beyond the borders of that all-consuming interior chaos, everything happens, and registers, at the speed of thought. But still, somehow, it feels like nothing more than fractions of an instant where Hibiki can sense Lilian's thoughts in reply. Feel the texture of her emotions. Her the sounds of her voice. But it's not even her voice. Or, it is, but it's being used by someone else. Someone who is her, but isn't the same as her. §You really were a §blind chaos§ teenager back then. But isn't it horrible? We both know you were really at fault, but we both know who took to her knee, apologized for everything, §paid weregild§, and made it right. Because §Lilian Rook§ did right first, most confidently, with greatest need, you got away with it all for free, didn't you? You've definitely §grasped fundamentals of war§ from it, haven't you? Would it killed you to have reached back?§ §You really were so disgustingly lazy. If you really thought that befriending one would be your §beach-head/long hilt§ to save the other, then you chose the wrong one, didn't you? §Petra Soroka§ was always trying to have nothing to do with you, but §Lilian Rook was always trying to save both of you. Why couldn't you have begun with her? Would it killed you to pick up a phone?§ §Would it have killed you to say so? To admit it? To take responsibility to one person?§ §Would it have killed you to have used your fists then? You're always fighting like you want to die, for worse reasons, so what stopped you then?§ §Would it killed you to have said something? To notice §her/my/our§ existence? Even if you don't understand anything, would you really die if you asked? Haha, even Ishirou tried to do that. You're really just such scum you know.§ §Would it have killed you to have let anyone know? You're not trying anything, are you? You're sitting on a beach, laying around in the dirt, and you reek. You're not really 'trying' are you? You 'did something', and that felt better. And now you're hoping your §autoflagellation can balance the scales. Stupid girl. Nobody cares how much pain you're in if you inflict it on yourself to get out of easing someone else's. §multiplying negative by positive is negative§, isn't it?§ But it's that last series of thoughts, where it feels like the synesthetic conduits of Lilian's piercing will, insatiable in their search, are about to branch and bear some terrible end flower, that Lilian replies to in her own, real, voice. Tossing Hibiki aside for Petra to leap on, throwing her so that the claws's shockwave grazes past, Lilian says "You didn't have a problem 'standing up' to Clark." "If fighting is all you know, then why won't you do the same when anyone needs it? If you're too scared to hurt your friends, then why won't you sit by like a coward when it would actually help? Do you even notice it? Your 'emotional irrationality' is so very consistent. You're angry when I need calm and you're useless when I need anger. You're clingy and stubborn when I need you not to interfere, but distant and passive when I need you in my corner."
Lilian Rook	"It isn't something random and uncontrollable, Tachibana. You harm me like you breathe, whether you want to believe it or not. Mind, that isn't anything new. I'm used to it, from every other direction. But for the longest time, I really did want us to make it work. So . . ." That's why...all of this...letting the ones I hurt, hurt me back...letting y-you beat up the stupid idiot girl who screws it all up...a-all you want, when nobody w-will blame you...where y-you're the heroes...that'd be worth so much more...than more broken promises and words I can't live up to... The way Lilian looks at Hibiki; sprawled out before her, face down in the dirt, ground beneath Petra's heel, sobbing and wallowing in guilt and misery; the unusual spark behind her eyes aligns itself perfectly with the rest of her face. A complete and genuine picture, miraculously fit together like planetary syzygy. Chin-tilted, lip curled, brow-furrowed, eyes downcast disgust. A shade of it just a hair too intense for pity. "Is that what you really think of me, Tachibana? Am I some hungry fuck wolf who patiently waits for little opportunities to get away with hurting you people? Is getting the shit beaten out of you supposed to be some magnanimous self-sacrifice that gives me something I need? Why the fuck would I need this? Am I supposed to feel good right now?" "Why is it so fucking normal for you people to assume that all I need is your fucking approval, and a little bloodshed, to slake some twisted little thirst? You people never even stop to think about it. Can you even conceive of of the idea that I that chooses to give you putrid fucks all this rope on purpose? Can you really not even imagine a version of me that really wants something to change, and not just you all to bleed?" Lilian slowly closes the gap to where Petra has her held down. Each footstep, crunching softly in the sand, has the authoritative impact of a stroke of thunder, and the understated gloom of quietly navigating an empty household. "I could make that happen any time; I don't need, or want, your permission! I want this to not be so fucking normal to you people! That's all!] All I fucking wanted was a world where I didn't have to struggle against hating you all this much." 'But that's one thing I didn't understand back then. Lilian is a hero-- and I'm a hero, by being on her side. And they're all happy to call her that as long as she's doing all their work for them.' Lilian gently crouches down near Hibiki's side, lowering herself only so far as her skirt doesn't brush the ground. "The reality is that they can't make me one any more than they can take it away. What they believed never mattered in the first place. It didn't matter when I was six and it still hasn't mattered since. I don't lose sleep at night fretting if I'm good enough for them. It's insane, isn't it? That they can still only think in terms of baiting me with their vile approval."
Lilian Rook	'So if that's already going to be the case, we can just do whatever we want and not worry about it.' Petra has already drawn the knife on Hibiki, but the air about Lilian hasn't changed. Reluctantly, she pushes back Hibiki's bangs, staring as if she can see the place that Hibiki had imagined feeling her dominating will intrude. "I really had so much hope, you know. I thought you were really the kind to reach out to a friend in need; to protect people even when it was stupid, and stand up against people's heinous actions, even if you still wanted to be their friend. I'd have really liked 'that Hibiki Tachibana'. It's so, so disappointing, how totally, depressingly normal you are.""The only thing that you really know is fighting for dominance, in absolute terms. Just like everyone else. Everyone from that same, shitty, intolerable planet. When you have to talk to me in the language that girls like us use, you really don't know anything at all about hearts or feelings, do you?" 'If I'd failed to be able to help Lilian for as long as you have, I would've killed myself already.' "Yeah." Lilian says, without elaboration. "People like them really are kind of better off dead, aren't they?" She touches a fingertip to Hibiki's forehead, staring intently at something neither of the other two girls can see. "But I've had plenty of time since these people showed me what a pack of liars they are. Time with myself, to finally start taking apart the mess of things I never even wanted to think about. So, by now, I think I'm starting to get some idea of what I can really say, and really believe, that people like this deserve for everything they do. This time, I'd like to try forcing them to see it my way, rather than just forcing them to hurt. I think they'll be slower to forget it than with pain." Lilian's fingernail finds, somehow, exactly where she'd skewered straight through Hibiki's mind, and-- Waves of thought-scattering misery break against the unbending intrusion. Layers numbing cotton-stuffed self-pity are peeled apart with the ruthless delicacy of a scalpel. Through a narrow channel empty of thought, split and emptied of all but hard steel, Hibiki feels a steady, searing trickle of foreign cognition pour into her. It saturates her head, scalding with thick, black, bitter heat, and drips down the back of her throat like tar. It pools in the pit of her stomach, filthy as stagnant water, and feeling as if it could strip her insides with its vitriolic acid. Ice floods her veins. Her heart thumps in useless, pounding rage, until it makes her sick. Her throat tightens, choking on feelings she can't dare voice. Everything hums with electric pins and needles. It feels like asphyxiation, dimming everything else but the horrible way it feels.
Lilian Rook	The sick, burning humiliation of being ignored by everyone around you, slowly fading into the deeply bruising reminder that they don't even live in a world where they could understand why they shouldn't. The vile, skin-crawling itch of having to sit still and be good and listen to the most vile and self-serving, insincere fucking vomit about 'change' and 'care' like they even know what those mean, fishing for your stamp and your passing grade. The naked fear of being seen, flayed and bleeding and bare, at your very worst, and at the hungry eyes on every raw and exposed nerve; drinking it in, studying it, like it's all their fucking entertainment, having no idea how they'll use it against you-- because they will. They always have, and they always do. The sickening ache of hearing news after news after news of every horrible thing everyone you were ever stupid enough trust, ruining everything you ever touched. Just how deeply fucking violating it feels to see them-- all of them-- take and take and take from you and never lift a finger, and the impossible, irresistible, overwhelming rage that boils up inside you when they act like it's an exotic fucking mystery for them to comfortably admire and never have to think about it. Do you have any idea what it's like, Hibiki? Can you possibly even imagine a single moment of what it's like to spend your whole life being so beautiful that everyone, everywhere, can never spare a thought for anything but how badly they want to be the one to rape it out of you? Even the people you trust. Especially the people you trust. They're first in line. They don't want 'you'. They want to have everything that is you. "I never want to hear that you've sat by and done nothing. Never, ever again, Tachibana. It isn't a mystery for you to solve. It isn't something you can sit back and watch, and pay for later. It isn't something you're allowed to fuck up because you can always roll over and slit your wrists until you've 'made up for it'. You knew the right thing to do. You knew it every single time. You are never, ever, for the entire rest of your life, going to fail to be worthy of that piece of shrapnel that should have killed you. If your empty little hands are meant to hold others and strike evil, then fucking do it. Your feelings aren't yours to keep silently to yourself anymore. You're the root of too much misery for too many people to have that privilege anymore." "Fix. It. If you can't even try, then yes. You have no right to be alive."
Hibiki Tachibana	You really were... ...awful in so many ways. Would it have killed you to... ...it wouldn't have. She was just scared, and confused, and a dozen other things that aren't any adequate excuse. You didn't have a problem 'standing up' to Clark. Your 'emotional irrationality' is so very consistent. What always seemed like a chaotic mess to her was that easy to read...? All this time? All I fucking wanted was a world where I didn't have to struggle against hating you all this much. "That's...all I..." Petra's stomp down onto her hand isn't what cuts her off, that would have happened anyway - the twitch of her fingers that comes with it is just a natural physical response to the force more than any active fear as the blade is drawn. Her eyes are too blurry with tears to see anything but something far, far off. I really had so much hope, you know. I thought you were really the kind to reach out to a friend in need; to protect people even when it was stupid, and stand up against people's heinous actions, even if you still wanted to be their friend. I'd have really liked 'that Hibiki Tachibana'. It's so, so disappointing, how totally, depressingly normal you are. That's what hurts. More than anything else. She wouldn't be like this, would she? The her that's everything she's not. If I'd failed to be able to help Lilian for as long as you have, I would've killed myself already. She resolved to define her justice, the source of her meaning, as that for which the very same object of her obsession wished. She's not enough of a person on her own either, so she fills in the gaps with everyone else. Mostly Lilian, at this point, ahaha. This is what Lilian asked for. It's not about me. It's fine, as long as it's that. "...Yeah..." Unintentionally timed with Lilian's own. She would have...wouldn't she? She knew this for longer than she'd like to admit. It's at that moment, Hibiki finally understands--there was never any hope of anything else. She well and truly passed her by, in more ways than one. Petra Soroka was always trying to have nothing to do with you. It'd all be different right now if she picked up the phone back then, instead of doing what she did. Wouldn't it...? Or rather, if she was 'the kind of person who would do that', and not someone who'd look away from someone hurting to prop up their abuser. All this time, she never stopped being that kind of person, clinging on as hard as she has. Of all the things that she thought needed to be jolted loose from inside of her, she hoped this wouldn't be one. But it comes a little too easily. Maybe that's how it should be, though. That girl isn't the one who needs to change, won't change. She does. And she'll have to start now, whether she likes it or not.
Hibiki Tachibana	Because the hazy, tear-strewn fugue shrouding her ability to think is pierced through. Endless amounts of complicated and tangled-together emotions responsible for filling her chest to the bursting point are parted aside, and everything is drowned away in the sickening gunk digging its way in, taking root, muting out the rest of the world, making the same words she's recognized out of her own mouth and the same sights she's seen turn so inside-out compared to her own perception she wants to vomit. The same thing she caused, propagated, allowed to happen--that acutely sharp sensation of betrayed trust that digs into her stomach and-- ...That one year she pined for so much...was built on fake things and Lilian's own efforts all along, wasn't it? She always knew she didn't really contribute anything to that. But it was nice pretending. Do it. Fix it. It's as simple as trying. And if she can't, she... "...Kana...de...--s..." Her mind finally gives out on her, and then her body, and she fades into complete unconsciousness.