Scene #8717:

Owner	Pose
Tamamo	Though actually a couple days after the solstice, tonight is close enough to Midwinter to make only a little difference in its atmosphere. The conditions on Earth only slowly change in response to its orientation against the Sun, resulting in the natural, expected result of there being plenty of Winter left to go, here in late December. This is not so great a problem for those with well-insulated mansions, but only if they stay within them. Rather, tonight is an excellent excuse for -- certain things, which must be exactly why this was the particular evening on which Tamamo has greeted Lilian not in her own room, but in one of the mansion's sitting rooms, with a fire already stoked, a two-seater drawn in front, and an end table with not tea, but hot cocoa. Tamamo is holding a mug of it, already. The way the sleeves of her knit sweater are a little too long, besides the deep blue, draw similar, but different, impressions than her usual garb. Even with that, it's less than her usual number of layers, but there's haphazardly draped blanket nearby, its purpose well implied. A chill is not unusual in older, larger buildings, this time of year, but should normally be something easily remedied, especially in a place that, unlike most old buildings on most Earths past the 21st century, remains staffed. Tamamo hadn't said anything of why she wanted to meet here, tonight, but of course, it's not as if she needs any reason to call out to Lilian. 'Her Lilian,' as she's become fond of saying.
Lilian Rook	It's a very unusual Christmas. Lilian would hesitate to say 'the best', or even 'great', for the cloud of thoughts that have yet to sink in, dazing her with their novelty. But she might say it later. Post-graduation now, for the first time, there is no 'end of holidays' to think about. Arx Zenith is qualifying her shortly, so there's no uncertainty in the future. Her accreditation is updated, her commitments are resolved, there are no tire fires smouldering in the Paladins, and most of her Multiversal 'projects' are concluded-- even that shitty one in Lampport. Even her siblings have been here for the holidays that they technically don't celebrate. It's a big house, but their presence is something she feels keenly. And most conflicted of all-- It's fine. She's here, and she's okay, and Tamamo is with her, and they have sweaters and hot chocolate. It takes not even the slightest hint of audible subtext, nor especially body language, for Lilian to navigate her way to the spare cushion at Tamamo's side, and settle herself down. The wine red cable knit sweater, shin-length black skirt, and thick blackout tights, aren't strictly necessary, but they feel like winter to her, and it's a rare opportunity she gets to let her hair down and simply be like this. The cocoa gets to wait a moment, for want of a little sigh, a comforting squish of the seat, and a little wiggle to get closer to Tamamo's side. "It feels like it's been ages." Lilian says. She stares into the fireplace, slowly resting her shoulder against Tamamo's. "We've both been here, but sort of not. And now there's so much time ahead of us, it's almost a little bit scary."
Tamamo	The true purpose of a blanket, its value beyond warmth, may be in how it restricts one's motion. When Tamamo's arm moves around Lilian's shoulder, trailing the blanket in such a way that it falls lightly onto her, it's just that little bit of resistance toward either one of them moving away. It really is more important than anything for it to 'feel like Winter.' If all one wished for was warmth, they'd merely need to travel to another hemisphere. But then, they wouldn't be home. Tamamo lowers her head to take a sip, vision obscured in steam one moment, (with a quiet "ah, too hot!") then through fallen bangs, as she peeks Lilian-ward. "Mm... mm, 'here, and yet, not here.' It may be so. Even if we wish to be here, we are called elsewhere. Even if we are in the same place, others, too, are..." Tamamo wraps her fingers around the mug, just to feel the warmth. "So much time... for us. Ah... the thought reminds me of when we began going out together. Was that a little scary, too, not knowing what would come?" Though she's interested in the answer, Tamamo gives her own as, "I felt only a sort of... hopeful confidence, throughout, that built upon itself, as you stayed with me." She lets that linger for a moment before adding, "I suppose it is not so bad having... some others with us... at just a little distance. You know... I really could tell that she is your sister. I wonder if it is as obvious to others?" Is she being mysterious just to tease? It's possible.
Lilian Rook	It's a rare sound that Lilian makes, when Tamamo pulls the blanket over them both. She isn't normally relaxed for long enough at a time to be past that phase characterized by the relief of setting down burdens. A few days of it was necessary to have her purr-giggling into Tamamo's neck when they're brought closer together under the slip-drag of cushy warmth, and squeezing her fingers down over her smile at the tiny idiosynchratic flinch from hot chocolate. Lilian rarely closes her eyes so easily, and she rarely pours herself into a single moment like this, and lets her cocoa cool by seconds or minutes without knowing which. "It was a pretty awful year for most of it." she says, contentedly, even nodding her head a little, rubbing her cheek against Tamamo by degrees. "There was constantly something happening. Most of it was stupid. And some of it was--" Her expression briefly twitches towards a contortion of agonizing discomfort, then smooths out as the thought it tossed from mind. "--just the worst. So it's perhaps not so much of a surprise that it felt like there wasn't much time for each other, too. But it's over. We're through it. And now I get to have you here. Like this. And not. Worry. About. Anything~" The word 'scary' makes her laugh just strongly enough to push herself upright, blinking into the firelight and reaching for her mug. A convenient moment where her eyes can be fixed somewhere else, and her smile can linger in stride. "Of course it was. Practically all of my relationships were a string of perfect dates eventually ending disasters, until you." Picking it up by the handle, Lilian gently hovers the mug back to her lap, over one hand, so she can get cozy again. "Day by day, I wait a little bit less for the other shoe to drop. So I think I might know what you mean." She makes a tiny face at the heat when she takes her turn to sip, too. "You know. That perhaps it's possible to be like this. Perhaps it might even be okay." The tip of her (slightly reddened) tongue pokes out at the oblique mention. Both hands rest on the mug in comfortable companionship now. Steam collects just under the tips of painted nails. A green gaze finds its way back to Tamamo's lips, then up to her eyes. "How many people do you think have even met both of us? It's not very many." she says. "I like having them here, you know. It's . . ." "A lot of things at once, feel like . . . We were all holding our breath, and we just let it out. A weight fell off of the bonds between us, and now they aren't pulled so taut and strained. I'm almost a little scared at how different it feels to have them. To have you, even." Lilian's eyes wander back to the fire. A long exhale comes out as a hum from somewhere in her chest. "I'm going to have so much time. And so much less by comparison to manage and worry about. I can't quite absorb the feeling, knowing that there's finally so little connecting to the past now. I think I sort of never expected to see the day." "It's nice. Having you here with me, on that day, makes it easier to see us in the future, too."
Tamamo	Tamamo seems content to keep the cocoa in her hands, after one more little sip, this one done more carefully. In truth, she's very warm. She's practically always very warm, to the touch, or simply being close to her, even if she doesn't usually act like it. One might think she simply has a greater need for warmth than an ordinary person. "'Perfection ending in disaster...' I suppose we were not without calamitous times, but... we did overcome those misunderstandings, too." Just recently, she had been reminded, by that shadow-of-a-shadow, of such a time, but talking about a time she'd cried, in one of these too-often rare moments of letting her guard fully down, doesn't feel right. It's only a passing shadow. It feels much better to let that blanket move firmly back into place, after Lilian had moved. Back into pressing against each other, sweater to... Does it still count as a Christmas sweater if it's not ugly? She's not very familiar with these modern traditions. Tamamo makes a mental note to consult an expert, later. "Mm, I could have... accepted less. A smaller happiness. I had thought to prepare myself... but I am well glad, that I shall have the freedom to have greater dreams. Oh, Lilian..." The energy behind her eyes, the heat of her breath, threatens to be something other than calm and relaxed. Even little signs can be keenly felt, when this close. "Those dreams can be... a bit distracting, even! The sorts of things that might be impolite, were you too busy to have time for me." Of course, she knows that Lilian has, in every case, dropped everything for her. She couldn't really be pouting... probably. Not unless she was supernaturally greedy. "But now that you do have time... let us take our time and discuss that future together, shall we? And we may spare some little of it to discuss others that may be allowed within it, too." Softly, "Wherever you should like to begin. Ah, but my thoughts do drift, when I let myself be... so undisciplined. I wonder if it is not 'speaking of others,' to speak of she who named herself Exis." It's not exactly out of nowhere, but it's a bit different than talking about Bryce and Katrina. "I had wondered, you know, if you spoke so little of her because you wished it not be explored, or if it was more like, hm... like how I do not have, as would be seen by others, a relationship with my own tails." That is at once the least human-relatable way she could phrase the concept, and the most apt to it, for reaons left unstated. "Ever since her own Shadow named her as one desperate to be viewed with sympathy, for connection, as one yearning for love, I did think to myself, 'Is this not my own duty to bear?'" There's definitely something suspicious in that phrasing, past the matter of how much possibility of danger is in it.
Lilian Rook	Whether or not Lilian remembers the same thing as Tamamo is uncertain, but the laugh she makes at the connection was definitely meant to be nervous, and failed in the direction of diffidence for lack of base tension. "I can't remember being perfect for you, either." Lilian says. "There were plenty of wonderful, fabulous, picture-clean moments, but I think I made plenty of mistakes between them." She can, unfortunately, name dozens. "I decided to. Not too long after I met you. Did you know?" Lilian watches Tamamo's expression through the whole process of raising her mug to her lips, carefully swallowing a measure of steaming hot cocoa, and hovering it back down to her lap. "You were so perfect. So incredible. It was driving me crazy. The idea that I might fuck up and lose you, too, occupied all my thoughts and all my time. I was sure you were some last shot I'd been given, or if I fumbled you, I'd never be able to try again with anyone else. I was so obsessed with not screwing up that it burned me out. To the point I had to admit I couldn't keep it up" "So I decided to try . . . not doing that. No studying and documenting everything, no checking the future all the time, no smoothing things out with magic, or using other people. I had no confidence at all, that anyone could possibly love me if I didn't, but it was all I could think of." A hint of chagrin catches the corners of her eyes where the firelight reflects, and she glances back in their shared direction of comfort and warmth. "Perhaps I thought that even if it fell apart, you would at least see how earnest I was trying to be, and I'd get. Some kind of credit. Instead of just a failing grade." "I'm glad I did. There may have been a better way, than to try and learn everything in motion, but . . . The number of times I've screwed up, and the ways I've been-- exposed, over all that time, would have ended everything for certain, if I'd kept trying to be perfect, instead of trying to be Lilian." The words expel a significant weight from somewhere within her. Some phantom mass that'd filled the spaces between her lungs and her ribs, and prevented her from breathing as deeply and settling as bonelessly close against Tamamo as she does then. "All of those times felt like the end of the world. So I'm happier than anything I can be with you here and talk about it; and have all the time in the world for distracting dreams, ha~" Her smile is back on the corners of her lips as she drinks and listens to Tamamo again. 'Exis' makes her blink over the rim of her mug, and glance back. She isn't certain she heard that part, but is instantly aware of its meaning all the same. "I honestly don't know." Lilian says. Her eyes widen with a hint of surprise at her own answer. "Both? You know what would happen, don't you? 'The version of Lilian who is nice' or 'the version of Lilian who is evil'; not being the former thing is my fault, even having the latter is also somehow my fault. People are shitty enough about whatever they imagine I think already; they don't need any more avenues to try and infer more to be wrong about." A soft sound of musing passes her lips. "I suppose it's not as if I'm ashamed of her or anything, though. It might even be that I don't find her existence all that exciting?" "Because . . . Even with all my potential, that power could have been anything as long as it was 'my turn'. I borrowed from her; referenced her shape; to finally put words to those feelings; that ideal; I had. Words that reality would listen to. Just like she could have been anyone as long as it was 'someone', and borrowed and referenced me in the same way. In that way, I basically knew her from the beginning, like she knew me before we met."
Lilian Rook	"Whatever she was before she was anything, and how 'not existing' is different than 'not being real' . . . I understand why it's hard to understand. It's the same as the power that everyone else sees; the little fragment of her that's visible from 'this side'. I can't explain it very well at all, but I just know. It's an everyday fact for me." Lilian sighs with a lot of relief and a bit of exasperation at the mention of 'tails', nodding along emphatically. "Right? You don't think your own school photos are exciting. Sure, you're a different person from then, and everyone else hasn't seen it before, so it's exciting to them, but it's . . . it's just more of you." Seemingly at the moment she is happiest just to liquefy on the sofa, oozing against the shape of Tamamo's side, eight little words make Lilian blink to alertness as if her ears could prick up. She straightens, leans forward, looks sideways, opens her mouth for a second of pause, and says, "You can't be . . . You don't mean . . . Do you?"
Tamamo	"To put in an effort for one's lover... is certainly something which all seek, is it not so? To be 'perfect,' however... ah, it is a bit different, in my mind. I had cause to think, recently, of how there is some beauty in a snow-covered land, for all that it is still, and pure, and beautiful -- yet, also, it is between slumber and lifelessness that it finds its purity. Do swordsmiths not look to the hamon, though its pattern may be chaotic, as a mark of both quality, brought by effort and talent, and of beauty?" For how she says it with such relaxed satisfaction, Tamamo must consider this something that requires no further elaboration. With close fondness, and the mug hovering closer to her lips, "I do enjoy your great efforts, of course. To be always thought of... is a fine thing, I think." Moving on to the topic of Exigent Serenity, Tamamo tries to sit a little straighter, but mostly just slides on the seat, having gotten part of the blanket under her at some point. "'The one who is nice,' 'the one who is evil,'" she repeats, and giggles. She's still giggling, showing those pretty and just-slightly-too-sharp teeth when she says, "How silly," and lowers the mug long enough to lean in and plant a kiss on the closest part of Lilian to her lips. It happens to be an ear. "There was only one part of 'Lilian' unsweet to me, and it was the part she rejected. Surely all can see that no other Lilian could be evil." It's unclear to what degree this is a serious statement of belief. She's happy enough to treat it as one, cuddling in front of the fireplace, only very slowly draining warmth from her hot chocolate, and providing this place of warmth and safety for Lilian to practice losing all metaphorical solidity. And then, of course, Lilian takes the momen to realize just what was said a moment ago, and Tamamo gives her another, different sort of smile. "Would you not be curious? If you were told... but of course, for you, it may be a thing you already understand, or something that you understand immediately upon hearing it, as if you always had. It needs a little effort to see one's old photos from another's perspective, no? But try and imagine, if you may, how I might consider being told, of love in the form of... how did she say it? Of one designed to be yours, of moving parts interlocking without ever wearing, of matched orbits..." That wasn't exactly it, but it's how she remembers it. "Of two who only gain more by drawing from their paired power, rather than one day running cold and dry. Imagine hearing of a passion that forever grows. How could I not...?" Her own passion does grow as she speaks, though it's one suppressed by the size of the room, and the reach of the blanket. One can only become so excited while so determinedly focused on relaxing on a cold, Winter day. "Ah, but... most of all, there is this. It was for my sake, was it not? Even if others would have called out their own petitions, I was the one who reached out my hand, in that moment. What was done, in becoming one who yearns for both love and understanding, was for your sake, and for mine. How could I do less than take it upon myself to provide care for her?" The vague sense of danger in the fox's words and reasoning takes on a sharper, more palpable sense when her eyes lock, and she says, "Is it not merely right that I should embrace all of you, and be embraced, in turn?"
Lilian Rook	Considering the idea of snow is enough on its own to cause Lilian to sink a little deeper into the blankets. This is the time of year for thoughts of snow, after all, and this room, set up just like this, is exactly the place to go when it is. Seeking comfort in the warmth of Tamamo's body is only natural, when confronted with thoughts as frigid as those of 'purity'. "You're so perfect . . ." she sighs into fuzzy ambient space. "You're so smart. And you're so well-read and experienced. And you're so understanding, too." Lilian looks back more-than fondly. "You really do understand, Tamamo." she says, unblinking, a little spellbound. "I'm glad you like being thought of, because I doubt I could stop now if I tried." Lilian says, and laughs. The good mood keeps her through even the moment of chagrin when Tamamo repeats her own cynical words back to her. The sound isn't nearly enough to break the spell between them. "Yeah. It is. But they would." Lilian agrees. "Not even that Shadow really hated you. Not as a person. Even that was just . . . jealousy. Grief. Repressed emotions, or whatever she has that are like emotions, that even 'Exis' put aside." Lilian says, audibly testing out that concatenating nickname on her tongue. "You changed how everything was 'supposed to be' after all. It makes sense that even she has that side of her. But that wasn't enough of someone to be 'a Lilian'. The second, different way that Tamamo looks at her, smiles at her, speaks to her, makes Lilian pause, but it doesn't push her out of the toasty equilibrium she has settled into, physically and emotionally, under the blankets. For a while, she watches the fireplace, and luxuriousy swallows her cocoa, and she listens, all bit by bit in her own ways. "It makes sense, for you to want to know more." Lilian says, after a stretch of warm and fire-crackling calm. "Especially you. More than anyone, that's perhaps only natural. Of course you want to know more about the person you love, right?" She says it with just the slightest weight on the word 'love'. A kind of hesitant emphasis like newly grown and still red-raw confidence. She talks a lot about loving Tamamo, but rarely ever presumes to put that word in Tamamo's mouth towards herself. "Everything there is to know, even. And all of her is still 'me'. Not a different version, with different ideas, but feelings I really contain. I suppose it's even inevitable, in that respect." Lilian sighs. She glances back at Tamamo one more time, and freezes for just a fraction of an instant. With locked gazes, an exquisite little shiver runs down her spine, and fine hairs prick up on the back of her neck. Her pulse jumps faster for the space of four beats, as a familiar tingle of alarming premonition kicks in. Wiser instincts warn her away from the she-fox, as they used to years ago. It adds a tingle of cold to her blood for texture. It's a feeling she'd fallen in love with on the spot. "Well . . . when you put it like that . . ." Lilian turns back to her cocoa, red-faced.
Tamamo	"And you are such a flatterer," Tamamo returns to the string of compliments, though her touch confirms that she accepts them. "My wonderfully devoted, strong, beautiful, clever and hard-working knight." She basks in that for a bit, while turning over what was said of the Shadow. "Jealousy and grief... are feelings I can understand." She had something to that effect, then. "It can hardly be faulted... and yet, all the same... I am one to fight for what I desire, in my own way. For one, stronger love to trample over another... is it wrong?" She's not sure. She can't be, until she's found the entirety of her Answer. Hearing that the Shadow wasn't 'a Lilian' brings another moment of calm, even if she'd already thought that that must be how it is. And from the Shadow, thoughts naturally turn back toward Exigent Serenity. Tamamo's own expression is serene, and yet -- a fox-like hunger is a tricky thing. She is, if anything, all the greedier now than she was when she was summoned, just about four years ago. A being born of a particular desire, only to have that be encouraged to grow and strengthen. With no one to tell her 'no,' a woman like her is liable to become embroiled in -- or to become -- a greater danger. "I love you, my Lilian. It is only natural that I would wish to love all of you." On the other hand, her warmth is oh so very welcoming, even when the hot chocolate is gone.
Lilian Rook	'Such a flatterer' elicits a fraction of a self-satisfied grin from Lilian. Even if she'd said it off the cuff, and meant every single word, even Tamamo's most coy approval is enough to set a little glow inside of her; and in this setting, even the slightest of these things float to the surface. Tamamo's much more 'direct' string of praise in return, for the same reason, overshoots self-satisfaction and leaves her a little dazed and pink. Lilian sinks an inch into the blankets, staring into her mug, but the tiny smile won't leave her lips. Even when the topic turns complicated. "Is it really 'trampling'?" says Lilian. The words come to her lips before she fully thinks them through. "It was a kind of love that convinced her to stay, wasn't it? We're together because of it. A certain dream didn't come true, and perhaps never will, but dreams are supposed to change, sometimes." With the last of her cocoa vanishingly shortly after, Lilian falls to circling her fingernail around the rim of the mug, idly completing one orbit for every few words. "Stepped on, maybe. You were first to overrule it, after all. But I think love is something that can change its shape too. It has to. The person you first fall in love with isn't the same as the person you spend the rest of your life with. Even if it hurts, and you have lingering regrets, giving up on a love you imagined so that you can have the real, living thing, even though its shape is different than you expected . . . Can you really call that being trampled on?" Lilian laughs quietly to herself. "It's her first love, wasn't it? Those are always dreadfully clumsy; and people always get hurt by their first. I'm happy it worked out like this. I wouldn't be able to relax like this if she'd lost her first and only forever." Gently setting down the mug, Lilian retreats to the edge of the sofa, swings one leg over Tamamo's lap, and seats herself in a nest of half-tangled blankets, leaning her forehead in to touch hers and letting her fingertips brush back across her cheek. It really is "Warm . . ." ". . . Well, for all of that, I guess it's only natural that you'd deserve to."