View source for 1732/Session 001 ft. Nathan and Eleanor

{{Log Header
|Date of Scene=2015/03/05
|Location=Estate Lamb
|Synopsis=Eleanor runs headfirst into the brick wall that is trying to talk to Nathan in a therapy session.
|Thanks=
|Cast of Characters=40, 168
|Tinyplot=
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|pretty=yes
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{{Poses
|Poses=:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Eleanor's therapy chambers looks like someone cut a swath out of a 1960's decorating book for an office. Bookshelves and a smart looking desk and then second hand couches and a pair of massive beanbag chairs on the floor. A reminder of the wide variety of people she encounters in these sessions, it would seem. Nathan is shown down to the office by Miss Alice, one of the Little Sisters, who smiles. "Just go on, in, Ellie will be in there in a bit, she's getting ready. Oh and 'Pick whatever seat suits you' is the rule." She nods, her curly blonde hair bobbing a bit, before she shuffles off. <br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The room is warm and inviting and Eleanor is not inside yet.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Nathan is shown in. He's looking a little pale and a little sickly. It looks like he's gone back to not eating much, for some reason. His motions are all especially robotic these days, and the monotone he answers in is even more flat. "Thank you, Miss. I will wait for her." He takes a seat on one of the couches, all upright. Subconsciously, he's picked the one facing the door, so that's one note on the psychological chart there. Nathan remains contemplatively silent, staring down a bit while he waits, clasping his hands in his lap. Lot of thought going on, and no movement, when Eleanor does eventually get there.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Eleanor gives Nathan two minutes to get settled in, before she shuffles in herself. She's wearing a rather neutral toned outfit in blue and tan, smiling at Nathan genially as she comes in. "Hello, Nathan. I figured this would be the only way to get you to come and see me, so..." She smiles and shuffles around to sit soemwhere just outside of Nathan's direct line of sight, and murmurs. "I'd like you to get comfortable please, and we can get started."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I am not entirely certain about why you wish to see me in the first place." Nathan says. His eyes go up to Eleanor, and he turns his head, and that's really the only thing that moves. "I am relatively certain that there are a wide variety of Elites with far more worthwhile troubles requiring counseling far more than my own extremely minor ones." When she asks him to get comfortable, he just sort of stares. "I am as comfortable as I likely can expect to be." He says, in a deadpan. He doesn't look it, but it seems to strongly insinuate that any more "relaxation" will be unsettling to him.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Well, we're starting early here. Eleanor mmmmhs, and shifts a bit. There's the telltale noise of a pen on paper on a notepad. "Nathan, I'm going to start by pointing out that you are General Nathan Hall of the Union Military. You are the one in charge of wrangling Elites. You are the man we all look up to. Any issues that might... aggravate or take away from your work are troubling." <br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;A sigh. "And I suspect you know that and have that filed away up there. So today, we're going to work on unpacking some of the stuff you've got squirreled away in your noggin to take a better look at it."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Certainly. But the position does not make the problems more meaningful. There are many Elites that seem much more sensible to approach. Both of my parents are alive, my hometown is un-incinerated, I have yet to experience the death of a significant other, and many such things. In the grand scheme of things, this seems like misdirected attention." Nathan says with a humble sort of presenting gesture to himself. <br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Then he makes a sort of helpless open-palmed gesture. "I will freely discuss what is beneficial and sensible to discuss. Where would you like to begin?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Eleanor's eyes soften a bit. "Nathan, that's not required to come in for a session. I figured you of all people would appreciate that not everyone reacts tothings the same way. You are fortunate to still have a family yes. But that doesn't mean you can't feel pain when more of your extended family feels pain." Scribble. <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"An I would say that your position makes it all the more meaningful. You are a leader of men and woman and things. You are a person to whom people aspire to become, or would if they could puzzle you out better." A blink. "Why do you think people follow you?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I am quite sure it is not a necessity. I simply had the impression that such things were far more pressing." Nathan seems dismissive of his own situation to an extreme. "I feel pain, certainly. I see little indication that it is near as much as most." And then he tilts his head, just slightly, his expression remaining unchanged through that. "The answer to your question is easy. I am an effective coordinator. By recognizing the strengths and weaknesses of individuals, ensuring they are matched to roles and situations best fitting them and that they can be trusted with, and removing obstacles that exist only due to misunderstanding or miscommunication, I enable the effective and the swift resolution of problems. That is the theory, anyway."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"That... is certainly why people follow a bureaucrat, Nathan. That is an effective job description, yes." Eleanor's smile returns. She'll come back to the pain question later. <br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"All of that is accurate, but not very specific. Why do people follow you, Nathan Hall, General of the Union?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;One eveybrow quirks slightly. "I suspect you either seek a very specific answer or an answer that leads into viably providing the answer you believe." Nathan says. "I would assume that the individuals each hold particular ideals, principles, or ethics that they trust me to further in my decisionmaking. While likely not all for each, enough for most."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The Big Sister shifts a bit on her chair and points her pen at her patient. "It's not a specific answer I'm seeking. I seek answers that show self introspection, and the delivery of that introspection. That is the purpose of a session like this, Nathan. What did you think you were coming to take part in today?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I do not know." Nathan says, making a slow, deliberate gesture that appears to be an approximated shrug. "I have not participated in a counseling session in the past. I understand it is intended to help me, albeit from a perspective that I am uncertain of. Aside from that vague understanding, I have little response to that question that would be tactful."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Eleanor's eyes soften a bit, and she smiles. "Were you expecting me to pull out Utopia, burrow into your psyche and do battle with your inner demons? I mean... metaphorically I could attempt to do that, but I assume you're not in the mood to have people metaphysically actually insie your head. SO."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She pats her lap. "So we talk. And we discuss. And we find out more about Nathan Hall. You. And the focus is you, today, Nathan. As much as you like to deflect that away from yuorself, you are the focus and the star here today."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I am doubtful that direct presence within my psyche would be productive for anyone to attempt to establish." Nathan says, making a brief worried noise. Then, "You are going to find an astoundingly boring show, in that case." Nathan says, both eyebrows up with a mild sense of sardonic resignation to the stoicism. "Well. You have my answer to the question before. What more would you like to know?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Eleanor smiles and murmurs. "Well. As I said it was a very clinical answer. So we'll accept what we can get and move from there." She scribbles. "When you are assigning and deploying and matching roles to situations, how do you make those choices? Where would you fit yourself into the organization if you were not the General?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Trust is the primary concern, for obvious reasons. Often it is easy to deal with, given the ease by which most can be trusted in the majority of situtions. I assign people to roles they may be trusted to fulfill appropriately." Then there is a baffled noise at Eleanor, as if she asked something with an obvious answer. "I am a librarian." He says, simply. "I would have that role. Assuming the circumstances I took this role due to were not in effect, of course."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;There's scribbling behind Nathan now, as Eleanor writes somehting on her pad of paper, and murmurs. "Trust is an important facet of your job, yes, that's true. We'll... hmmm."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;'I am a librarian.' Eleanor snorts and murmurs. There's a moment as she rustles around for papers, and then she mmmhs. "You know, I had the opportunity to pull a decent portion of your file, before you came heretoday. I've been trying to go over the bits that weren't redacted. 'Just' anything is a poor set of words for you, Nathan Hall."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"It is accurate." Nathan says, his eyes going down a bit. "But you have read between the lines incorrectly, I believe. Unusual nature inherent to me is the result of coercive circumstances of the multiverse, not my own particular suitability for the role."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Have I?" Another page flip. "Nathan, you've taken part in and pulled off some amazing missions. 'Coercive circumstances' makes it sound like the Multiverse is out to get you. That you're some sort of little pawn. The pawn that made it to the end of the board and got promoted. Is that what you're saying?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"That is correct." Nathan says, "During my time in the Union that I attempted to act purely in the capacity of a mundane librarian, the role I feel most comfort in, I was assailed multiple times by extreme, unusual circumstances." There's something wrong with what he said there. It's not a lie, but he didn't tell the whole truth. "As such, in order to make my chances of survival reliable to some degree, I had to induce extreme alterations to my spirit. Subsequently, there were situations in which a refusal to act would have been an unacceptable ethical failure on my part."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;He clasps his hands back together again with a cold sort of posture. "At no point did I ever gain any particular personal affinity for the adventures. There is no satisfaction in them, in the way you or others may find satisfaction."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Flip. "By neccessity you entered into a contract with an Exalt and became one of the Union's leading researchers in Thuamaturgy?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Correct." Nathan says. "She performed the ritual as a result of a near death experience that occurred for me, where an ally Elite attempted to kill me using a large sun. My Thaumaturgic studies were a means of repaying her for her assistance in learning survival techniques."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Flip. "What necessity required you to unlock your Persona, and why don't you let them out more often?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Invitation by Nobu DeVanos, shortly after the same sun-wielding Elite became a roommate." Nathan says, as if that were the most normal thing in the world. "He did not disclose the nature of the ritual that provided the Persona to me, and it did not activate until years later. I do not use it because I have little suitability on a psychological level for violence."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;More scribbling. Page flip. "How do you enjoy your minor divinity, both as a sorcerer and a Tiny God?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Becoming a sorcerer was a means to an end. My mentor encouraged me to perform a psychological surgery via the sacrifice process, to increase my chances of survival while forcibly stabilizing risky elements of my psychology. My capacity for contentment was lost. Sorcery was a productive and useful brand of mental insight, and ensured I could survive several lethal situations that followed."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Becoming a 'small god' was another similar act of necessity. When presented with the opportunity, coupled with my immediate need for additional means of pursuing and thwarting Lady Fairchild, I immediately accepted the duties. These have similarly saved my life at minimal expense."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Nathan's words here are very matter of fact. He's answering this the way you'd answer a questionnaire. His posture gets cold again at the end though. "Neither of these things are suited to who I am, however. The necessary evils inherent to duties as a lesser god and the irrevocable removal of portions of my psyche are incongruous with my identity."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"'Who You Are'. Nathan, who do you think you are? This is not a question that is asked out of spite or sarcasm or malice or anything like that." Eleanor sits forward. "If your Identity is who you are and you bring these things potentially to a situation, what does that make you? Who do you want to be? Which Nathan Hall do you feel like being right now?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"My feelings are irrelevant." Nathan says, plainly and rather automatically. "At all times, who I am and who I want to be are the same. I am a librarian. That is who I am and what I do. Who I act as in terms of my personal capacity is what you will traditionall see: The general you have known well for some time. It is not who I want to be emotionally, but it is who I am require to be by circumstance and reasonable ethics. If I could act purely selfishly, I would simply choose to be the more mundane librarian, if that were a possible option."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Scribble. A defiant underlining noise. <br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Eleanor's voice becomes firm. "Why are your feelings irrelevant?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"If they are not allowed to have an effect on my decisionmaking process, then they will not affect anything that matters." Nathan makes another baffled noise, like this should be obvious.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Scribbling. Eleanor's pen scritches a bit more, diagraming something maybe? "And yet you clearly have them. One does not approach Sorcery without reason or desire. One does not accquire Persona without some idea of who they are or self actualization." Scribble.<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"So what does matter, outside of and removed from your feelings? How do you determine that?"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I acquired what was necessary according to basic survival logic or my ethical obligations." Nathan states, a bit more firmly in tone. This seems to be a sore spot with him in some regard. "As for what does matter, that is simple. The wellbeing, happiness, and freedom of people. I determine what is important in this prioritization system using the same type of ethical considerations any human makes for this sort of conflict."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Eleanor's voice picks up. "Nathan, I have asked you here, and we're going to come back next week, because I feel there is work that can be done, that needs to be done, and I am hopeful can be done, on your Self. And I'm using Capital 'S' Self because all of the responses I've heard today, as I predicted, are attempting to divorce your Self from all of these... other things that happen in your life, in the lives of those around you."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She comes around the couch and sits on the end of it next to Nathan. "I've heard much about what Nathan Hall does and his choices, but... All of this has been divorced from you." She pokes the General in the chest, in the general region of his heart. <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I'm scheduling us for this time again next week. And we're going to keep working on this, alright? There's a good stable floor to be built on, and I think there's promise here."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I do not believe that these improvements will be relevant, but depending on my ability to address the social and political humiliations leveled against me by Lady Fairchild, I may or may not have time, and if I do I will abide the appointment." Nathan says, droning in monotone, completely not reacting to Eleanor's movements or her prodding. "I am still unsure of what progress can be made. Obviously you now have an understanding of the situation, I am uncertain of why you intend to change it." Looks like he doesn't even think what Eleanor described is negative!<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I intend to change it because two of the people I care care for and admire most, people I love and consider my friends, are in pain and lashing out at each other, Nathan. I don't understand Elliana and frankly I don't care to. Psyber closes himself off because he's got a mysterious past and despises my attempted profession on a personal level. And you are the person who I have access to. You are also the person I feel is going to be the hardest one to examine." <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;There's a firmness in Eleanor's voice, and in her demeanor. "And since 'Lock all three of you in a room until the noise stops' is a childish and poor option, I start with you, Nathan. My ethics tell me not to stand by idly while I can help alleviate pain. So." <br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She tears off a sheet and hands it to him. "Same time next week, then."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"I believe that this is not the source of our friction. It does not, after all, produce any similar results between us under any other circumstances, or for anyone else at all in general. A disparity between what I want and what I am is something I have accepted as a necessity, since altering what I am would be an ethical failure, and altering what I want is impossible for logical reasons."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;That seems to be Nathan's insightful final opinion on the matter. He also makes an unpleasant noise at that mental image. "Considering that I am the one who would wind up dead, that solution would be not optimal, yes." With another awkward noise, he takes the sheet. "I am grateful for your intentions, even if I do not believe them to be effective in this context."<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Eleanor sighs. Insightful but obtuse. The story of Nathan's life.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Though, she taps the Librarian with her clipboard. "Next week. Your homework is to have a nice, quiet evening this week with someone and talk about yourself. Try Peg." A smile. "That's all. Have a good evening."<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The door back out is opened up by one of the older Sisters. "We've got cookies for you on the way out!"<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:168|Nathan Hall (168)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Ainsley has already attempted to squeeze data about who I am out of me, for whatever baffling reason it is that people have any desire to know more." Nathan says, making a quiet, confused noise. "I hope that will suffice, I will have time for no more, my schedule is currently extremely packed with the most recent scheme Lady Fairchild has apparently employed to mock and humiliate me to my friends."<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;He's up on his feet, giving a soft, grateful nod, though if it's to the Sisters or Eleanor is confusing. "Thank you." And he heads out. Though his recent severe losses of appetite are likely to make him unlikely to take more than a few nibbles of the cookies.<br> <br>

:'''{{#var:40|Eleanor Lamb (40)}} has posed:'''<br><span></span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Eleanor sighs, and puts her hands on her hips.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Heaven help me, Father, I have tackled a big fish, haven't I?"<br> <br>


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