Difference between revisions of "Gaige's blog"

Revision as of 08:00, 13 May 2017

(Continues from the game's voice logs.)

Hey everyone, your favorite mechromancer reporting for duty! So, finally got onto Pandora(seriously, not as hard as I thought it'd be. Ran into like, a dozen bounty hunters, though. Like, come on, guys. You don't think this bounty is all for show, do you?) Things are going to start looking up, I think.

Oh gosh I'm going to die, I'm going to die, like, there's the cutest guy here. Oh, and I'm hanging out in this place called Sanctuary. Totally cool, only the elite of the elite let in, you know how it is. I'm chilling with the most awesome people.

But oh my gosh, there's this guy called Hammerlock and he is TOTES drool worthy. Buuuuut, totally not interested. He told me why, I understand. Still sucks. He's still TOTES drool worthy, though. We even went on a safari hunt. Killed a giant bullymog. Was AWESOME. He said he'd put some of my blog entries in his next book!

Ugh, this is driving me nuts. So, like, I caved in this guy's skull with the butt of my gun. And it made like, the COOLEST sound. Kinda like a... well... a... ugh. It's kinda like... a squish? Ugh. Anyway, I KNOW I've heard it before, I just don't know where!

OMG! I figured it out! You know in Monkey Explosion 13, where you're fighting the giant hamster cyborg? When you drop the piano on its head? THAT'S where I heard that sound from!

Like, you learn a lil bit every day, you know?

Oh, guys, these weird portal things been showing up! Scooter poked a stick in one. Had to clear out a path through a horde of bandits, but I saw it. Totally awesome. I'm gonna jump through it tomorrow, be totally rad!

... WE ARE NOT ALONE! Like, there's other dimensions and stuff! I'm gonna contact them, tell them what's up, make some friends. COOLEST! THING! EVER!

Voice log:

So, um, hello, my... thirty thousand subscribers. Oh, wow. Heh. Wow. So, like, if you've been keeping up on the Echo news bulletins, there's this whole new dimension and stuff, right? Or,well, a whole bunch of them. Well, here's the thing, one of those portals opened up just inside Pandora.

Can you believe it? So, heh, now, as your much loved Vault Hunter and galactic celebrity, I'm taking it on myself to get to meet these other dimensional people. Or... things. If you're not people. So! Here's a message to all you weirdos out there who want some loot! My name is Gaige, the toughest Vault Hunter on Pandora, and if you wanna meet me, I've got a job that promises phat loot, lots of gun fighting and some really gnarly tech.

So, if you can get through the portal, well, Welcome to Pandora. Anarchy forever! Smash the system!

Voice log:

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THAT STUPID BANDIT, HE! GAHHHH! THOSE WERE MY GUNS! MINE! MINE MINE MINE! All I got was food and stuff and just... I HATE THIS STUPID PLANET! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!

• Sniff.* I-I want some cocoa...

Voice log:

So, err, to all my readers and listeners, eh heh. Sorry about before. Err. Yeah. So! I met some people from off universe. A vampire, a werewolf and a witch! The vampire was totally into me, but I was like 'nuh uh, I don't do the whole blood sucking thing'. Still, they were all pretty chill. We got to the supplies, but turns out someone else BEAT us to them! And I am going to TEAR OUT HIS HEART WHEN I FIND HIM! I'm going to rip out your one good eye you cyclops, you hear me?! I'm coming for you!

Ugh, I miss dad. You know? I mean, killing bandits, running over bullymogs, shooting robots, all that is cool. But some days you just wanna tell your dad you love him, you know?

Oh my gosh. I met the COOLEST girl today. She's something called a reploid! Ferham. And like, she's totally the COOLEST! She's some kind of advanced sentient robot and I saved her from some bandits and I totally got to examine some of her inner workings. Her tech was LEGIT!

She used some kinda awesome freezing thing with a energy whip and it was AWE-SOME!

Met a pretty cool mouse girl, called Tiny. She wouldn't let me look at the inner workings of her robot limbs. :'(

Apparently she's from mars. Man, other dimension's mars are weird. Some of them don't even have miles high tall rock eating worms that leap from the ground to catch and devour satellites. Just weird, you know?

Voice log:

Soooo, went off world again. Met this cool chick and this totally emo guy. We went and caused some grief for some major corp. Seriously, you should have seen this place. They had these sentient robots who were citizens, right? But they treated them like, I don't know, slaves? Ugh. See, THIS is why I say 'Smash the system!' The system SUCKS! It's just a bunch of rich people throwing their weight around, meanwhile, us NORMAL people just have to work ten times as hard just to make sure we have a bit of food in our mouths and roofs over our head!

So, of course, we cause some grief with them and, surprise surprise, a bunch of corporate owned lackeys show up, start giving us grief. The werewolf was there again, this kinda cute guy with a MASSIVE sword. And then this really, really hot guy with a buncha shurikens and a sword. Like, wow. I don't know if he was a robot or a cyborg or what. But he said I was cute! Totes best day ever!

But, best of all? I got paid! And it was totally worth it. I can't say what it is, but let's just say I've got another weapon added to my collection, if you catch my drift. Wink.