3862/Skeleton Pun

Skeleton Pun
Date of Scene:	29 February 2016
Location:	Techno Urbania
Synopsis:	Quantum physics! Compressed space! Too much high power man! IT COULD TEAR A HOLE IN THE FABRIC OF REALITY! And also, a skeleton in a top hat!
Cast of Characters:	165, 868

---

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    There is a themepark somewhere in Techno Urbania which goes by the name of Four Flags Over Hawaii. It is awesome.

    This is a themepark on the bleeding edge of technology, an island which was once known as Lihue. It is one of the many locations in the multiverse where ultratech and corporate entertainment has totally taken over, creating an island which glitters as a multicoloured neon jewel in the ocean, rollercoasters and ferris wheels so large they can be seen from the other islands.

    It is also the place where something has gone horribly wrong.

    Twelve hours ago, something malfunctioned on this island, on an inauspicious Feburary 29th year 5006. The island is surrounded by a weird barrier of distorted space. Of course, the Union was called in to help, to slip agents in.

    Outside, the island looks just as it always does- albeit viewed through a haze. It is massively lit up, nothing but blacklight and neon, every single line and curve of every surface marked out in lights that make it look like everything itself is constructed from light.

    But inside, who even knows?

    All Ren Tanaka knows is that he is here as a pathfinder- that something here needs the help of an expert at direction and making his way through difficult environments. The distortions are waning for a moment- it's the only chance the Union's three-person ship will get to pierce its way in.

Jakuri (868) has posed:
    Boredom is a powerful, and terrible, force. So powerful and so terrible that Jakuri has found herself here, on this little ship... With some... Weird guy? Not content with being weaseled away in her room *all* the time, and feeling a little inept after her recent Dive, she has decided to try and achieve something today. To this end she has opted to answer the call for a very rare change, and without someone to back her up she's also taken ELMA along as support. This very silent sentinel sits beside her owner, patiently waiting to be of service. Tankdog is the best pet. Otherwise, Jakuri herself is quiet and almost brooding as she sits with crossed arms, staring at the floor.

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    Due to super-sublight-warpgate speed travel, and the vaugeries of plot, it's possible that the two of them haven't even been on this ship for more than a few minutes since it left Njorun. Therefore...

    "OK, we're here. Sorry, bit tense. I didn't even introduce myself, did I?" the young man asks, casting his eyes left to Jakuri. He offers a hand to her.

    "I'm Ren Tanaka. Been doing things in Amarillo lately... Tomoeda, Brockton Bay... few other places?"
    "I'm an explorer and a pathfinder. Citizen of the universe. Usually involved in trouble."

    There's a brief, intense moment of shaking, and the sound of one of the ship's engines exploding as they pass through the barrier. Not a good sign. Thankfully, the pilot coasts the ship into a landing... somewhere in the middle of the park.

    There's an unlocked door for you to walk through.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFgXtKrsncw
    Carnival Night Zone (Steven Universe Remix)
    SonicGenJSR Remixin - 2015

    Beyond the door is Four Flags, but now you're in the park proper things are.... weird.

    For one thing, you can't see the sky any more. Instead, a distorted reflection of the park- parts of it- appears overhead instead, shifting like a large, uneven kaleidoscope.

    Here in Jungle Land, home of water rapids and animal themed rides, the tree-shaped streetlamps are curling in on themselves, the plastic leaves budding and multiplying. Nobody is inside any buildings, no staff are manning their stands. Large hastily written signs have been placed here and there, but otherwise the brightly glowing neon jungle is surprisingly devoid of people.

    The ground vibrates under your feet.

Jakuri (868) has posed:
    Jakuri looks up once addressed, only to find a hand in front of her. She frowns slightly. "Oh, this is one of those human things, isn't it." A gloved hand at least rises to shake it, her grip very light. Perhaps no surprise, really. There's not a whole lot of her! "You can call me Jakuri," she replies a moment later, before glancing at the nearby robot virus. Some unspoken command perhaps, given how ELMA seems to shift into a somewhat more casual stance.
    There's little time for pleasantries beyond this, as they arrive and things become a little more odd. Not so odd that Jakuri becomes remotely flustered, however. She's caused worse. Climbing atop ELMA for both protection and transportation, she glances back toward Ren. "So, we're here to... See whatever did this, I suppose."

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    Hand shake! Yes, being human is important. You've always got to remember to do it. And smile, too.

    So once Ren's done that, he can feel free to have a good old frown once he walks out of the ship and takes a look at the state of the park. Things reflected and twisting every which way... the traveller digs his hands into his pockets as he looks at this and that. "That's right."

    "The last transmission that got out of the park was some sort of system had malfunctioned. Drastically, by the looks of things. You can feel it in the air, can't you? It's not good air, it's sort of..." The air smells of ozone and ammonia, a little. He clucks his tongue once or twice.

    The wind blows a discarded paper drinks cup off of a table, and three hit the floor where only one was before.

    "Not many people, either, are there? Want to find out where they are?"

Jakuri (868) has posed:
    "I suppose," the Reyvateil replies somewhat non-committally. Take heart, Ren. She just takes a while to warm up to people. She has the good sense to remain in a seated position while riding atop ELMA, rather than her usual lazy lounging... That way she can react better if need-be. Otherwise, she doesn't seem deeply taken by the surroundings. "Like a computer program gone wrong," she remarks. "In fact, perhaps that's exactly what's malfunctioned, somewhere. Looks... Complicated, but if it IS the issue then I may be able to... Well, if not fix it then I can have fun making some form of compromise." Something about the word 'compromise' is said with the glee a mad person might find in such things.

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    Ah, well, they're probably OK. Ren responds to Jakuri's somewhat manic glee with one of those half-nervous, half-confident smiles. The kind where you're a bit spooked but trying not to show it. It may be accompanied by a sweatdrop.

    He pulls at one of the paper signs on a nearby food cart, and reads it.

        "Everything warping up DO NOT go into buildings LOOTERS WILL REGRET IT only exceptions are PANTHEON THEATRE, LEGO ICE RAIDERS ON ICE show building, PLANET HOLLYWOOD all guests GO THERE for SHELTER, LOOK OUT FOR SPIDERS, ABOVE ALL ELSE stay away from EPICENTER!"

    "Well," Ren says, carefully. "At least the people are alright. I wonder what they meant about-"

There's a metallic crunch, and he jerks his head away from the sign, towards-

    

    Standing on a fence is... something. It definitely has something in the middle, and it has two large things which don't look like legs above the body, and most important of all it has eight legs so it must be a-

    "Oh, I see."
    "Spiders."

Jakuri (868) has posed:
    There's not much to see, persay. Jakuri does listen when the warning note is read out, but by the end of it she has rather quickly concluded that perhaps she ought to be a little more safely locked away. ELMA is given a donk atop the head with a fist, and then the Reyvateil leaps into the air. By the time she lands, it is in a padded seat within the newly-transformed Virus. "Jakuri Robo!" she exclaims triumphantly, before being sealed within the hovering robot completely. From this point, her voice takes on a tinny electronic quality thanks to an in-built radio. "I guess we ought to bust up the spiders on our way to where ever the thing is. Or we can go find the survivors, I guess."

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    "...ah ha ha, yes! Look at you, that's fantastic!" Ren says with a big, gleeful expression. He's almost definitely talking about Jakuri Robo and not the spider, at least. The spider, which seems to have a glowing orange point above it as some sort of eye, was definitely watching them with that eye before it decided to shoot a laser from it, which scorches across the ground!

    "I think either way we should definitely move, yes, moving is a good idea, running probably a better one."

    And so, off we go. "You definitely seem to have dressed for danger, so yeah, Jakuri if you would please take point!" Frankly, I think we're going wherever the spider isn't running right now.

    Move a short distance, and Ren is looking for a map posted somewhere. Well, half and half- the other half is busy with, as it typical for him, running his mouth.

    "I notice we're thinking about 'survivors' rather than any other term, do you think that we're dealing with something hostile, here?" he asks Jakuri, as he takes a disposeable holotablet PC from a rack. He picks the only one which doesn't have up to a half-dozen smaller screens budding off of it in a weird curly shape. It's got a map on it. "Hostile invasion? Reality incursion? Ooh, isitpacked.co.mnmsy says that attendance is at 'ghost town' levels today, that's nice," continuing to move down the road. Another two spiders coming in from the top of a building and an assortment of topiaries. Where are we running, even?

Jakuri (868) has posed:
    "Spiders with lasers are definitely something you 'survive' rather than befriend," comes the retort. On the subject of 'moving', Jakuri replies to the laser scorch by... Moving. Really fast. Straight into the spider and whatever it was standing atop. It may not do much more than knock it flying, but it makes a point! There's no return fire beyond this however, the Reyvateil returning to Ren and hovering close by. "Would people be sheltering in one place and ordering others to avoid certain places if it weren't some sort of hostile disaster?"

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    "Oh, I don't doubt it," says Ren, ducking under a laser- you know, as you do. "Was just sort of trying to get a better idea of what kind of hostile disaster it is. I mean, malfunctioning system," lean away from swinging limb, "We've got a malfunction here, we have spiders... do these things seem intelligent to you? Extradimensional, exploitive spider invaders? Hunting humans?" Sprint down a path which has parts of it rising and falling like video game platforms. "You'd make an excellent linebacker, incidentally, wonderful form."

    There's apparently a staff member in a green tuxedo running down the path towards them, thank goodness.

Jakuri (868) has posed:
    Platforms are no issue for Jakuri, who is tucked away inside a flying robot. She even concedes to helping Ren traverse some of the more awkward jumps if need be. All while charging into all manner of irritating arachnids. "I feel like they might me automatons of some sort, but I could be wrong. Either way, they're fun to crush." Or something to that effect, at least. Said spider-crushing does take a pause when someone comes running at them; someone who instantly gets insulted. "That outfit is TERRIBLE. It's not St Patrick's Day, or whatever that weird human custom is! Stop that right now!" No, Jakuri. No. People can't change clothes instantly like you can. Stop that.

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
The whole running experience is actually kind of fun after a while? Maybe only for Ren. It kind of IS like a video game, if you ignore the fact that physics is violently twisting reality around your ears.
    The staff member... is monentarily struck dumb by the fact that there appears to be a large robot with a brass instrument on its back asking him to change his clothes.

    "I, uhm... I'm... in costume, ma'am?" the brown-haired, bowl-cutted man says, scratching his nose. He shakes his head. "B-but I'm sorry, that's not really what I should be talking to you about! I was trying to stay here to turn people away from the epicenter, but things inside the building are too much, I couldn't stay there! Last time I checked there were 350 people at the ice rink, I need to move them further away..."

Jakuri (868) has posed:
    "Tell your employers to choose a better dress code. /Honestly/." Jakuri even offers a little 'hmpf!' to punctuate her statement. Of course then there's something about the epicenter again. "So, what exactly is AT the 'epicenter'? What malfunctioned? And which way is it, so that we can go and fix it. Or compromise with it." There's that word again, oh dear. The glee is less prevalent over the speakerphone, at least. "We're here from the Union to, uh. Help. I guess." The robot swivels a bit in order to look at Ren, no doubt with a questioning stare from Jakuri herself within the thing. "Do the speaky words."

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
"I will surely do that if we survive, ma'am, and your word as the person who saved us all will probably go a long way!"

    A lamp post begins to turn into a massive, honeycombed spiral.

    "Ah... it was a newly opened ride, ma'am. It had only been in operation for two days. The creationeers fitted this rollercoaster with something called QUARC- Quantum Uplinked Avenue & Routefinding Calculator. It was supposed to generate a new rollercoaster path every time for every set of riders, but-" gulp. "It's gone out of control. The epicenter, inside the building it's becoming just... an endless ride."

    "Fractals," Ren says. "That's the patterns we've been seeing everywhere. Space is multiplying and folding in on itself."

    "...if you'll excuse me." And off he go.

    Ren nods thoughtfully. "That chap was quite polite. I'm sure he can handle the civilians," Ren decides. "Let's go on to the epicenter then, shall we?"

    It's a fair distance away- there's no huge wobbly distortion or anything, it all looks rather normal. There is a huge mansion facade for the ride itself, with spooky faces in the windows, cobwebs, a gothic countenance all over.

    "We need to get inside and find the quantum computer, then," Ren says, stopping next to the entranceway.

    There's a large plastic skeleton, tipping a top hat, underneath the name:

    https://i.ytimg.<span class="underline flash underline bold_bg_r fg_e ++ om/vi/vgemumpvVeE/hqdefault.jpg
    chr">MR BONE'S WILD RIDE</span>

Jakuri (868) has posed:
    Listening patiently, at least as far as her robot guise would indicate, Jakuri simply... Floats there until his explanation is complete and he trots off to save the civilians from apparent ice-rink related doom. Ren does not disappoint her in her carrying out of the speaky things, either. They have a clear conclusion and objective, it seems! "So. If this is some endless, ever-changing hellride... How exactly is entering it going to lead us to the computer causing all of this? Also, if there are spiders... Then does that mean that it became some manner of horrible, spider-infested intelligence?" Jakuri Robo swivels about to look back the way they came. "Or maybe that was just a ride that got bored with being a ride, and opted to be a jerk instead."

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    "Because I've been doing the math," Ren replies. "Observing things as they distort, and keeping an eye on the time that chap said since this started running... and..."

    Ren cracks his knuckles and rattles off some quick but complicated math that explains- and it would indeed check out to Jakuri- that the rollercoaster rails and the innards of this building can only have... let's say multiplied 24 iterations since the start of the accident. That means there's 24 buildings' worth of muddled-up stuff inside there. However, there is actually a relatively small queue line and control area inside here- most of the space behind the facade is taken up by track. And there can only be one QUARC- it can't multiply itself.

    "And I downloaded blueprints and floor plans using this tablet, although cracking it is probably illegal, but we'll let that slide." Spins it around to show Jakuri proudly.

    He turns around, so that Jakuri can't see his eyes glitter gold. "And I'm a pathfinder- I have a knack for navigation."

    "There WILL probably be an awful lot of spiders, though. As for whether it's alive or not... well, we'll have to figure that out when we get inside." Ren steps through the turnstile, and turns around before heading inside. "So, shall we go?"

Jakuri (868) has posed:
    Being of a computer-y nature herself, complicated maths is not something that will make Jakuri instantly blanch. She perhaps has trouble keeping up, but she listens and gets the gist of it. While secretly feeling a small pang of jealousy. Rather thana ct on such silliness however, the Reyvateil hovers towards the entrance and seems to spend a long moment staring at it. "24 iterations, hmm. This could take a little while, unless we're lucky... I can deal with spiders to explode in the meantime, though." Wait, explode? She was just tackling them before...!

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    "Fine by me!"

    Things are easy enough to begin with- just leap over the railings (or hover!) and make our way to the loading area. It should be the case that there's a staff access from the loading area into a staircase into the staff breakrooms and control areas...

    But things are never really easy.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KKKM9qOW8E
    Gigabyte Mantis - Yoko Shimomura & others
    Kingdom Hearts DDD - 2012

    24 iterations of rollercoaster track, security lights and fragments of loading area- complete with rolling cars- stand before Ren and Jakuri. They tangle and intertwine, and although the walls of the inside of the building are black, they seem to recede into the horizon. The air seems to pinch and squeeze in places, new 'spiders' rapidly forming out of weirdly compressed space.

    Somewhere in this tangled gordian knot, there's a single, solitary door to the control area and the QUARC computer.

    Everything rumbles simultaneously, and a deafening 24 sets of speakers simultaneously repeat a message:

"NEW ANNOUNCEMENT. POWER FLUCTUATIONS IN RIDE CONTROL AREA. THE STAFF AND PARK ATTENDEES MAY BE AT RISK. EVACUATE RIDE. MESSAGE END- NEW ANNOUNCEMENT. POWER FL -- NEW ANNOUNCEMENT-- ERROR-- POWER FLU- POWER FLU- CONTROL- TR- TR- THE STAFF- LUC LUC LUC- THE- RIDE- ANNOUNCE- THE- RIDE- AFF- THE- RIDE- NE-V-E-R END-S-"

Jakuri (868) has posed:
    Things are getting a little too much like a physics-based rollercoaster at this point, but she's come this far... Jakuri is all for heading into the morass that is this dimensional soup, unwilling to leave a job undone. She does get very quickly tired of the automated message however, and as they make their way through the tangle she makes a note to shoot out every single loudspeaker she finds. Seems that the Jakuri Robo also comes equipped with energy weapons! She's also deft enough at targetting with them that she manages to hit many of the spiders as they form in between taking shots at speakers, thus keeping the path relatively clear. Or as clear as it can be, at least.

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    "I forgot to mention one thing!" Ren shouts, as they move along.

    They're going to have to run on the rails, which is relatively easy except for the fact that occasionally there might be a set of cars to dodge. But you can easily just sidestep or jump onto another rail.

    "I'm not very good with quantum computers!"

    Also, there are spiders- or, well, whatever they are. 'Gremlins', perhaps. Ghosts in the machine, unknowable hostile presences. Maybe from another dimension, attracted by or causing the malfunction. There's no way to know for sure. What is sure is that there's dozens of them, they're firing those orange lasers, and they can turn at angles now, so watch yourself!

    "So when we get there it'll be all up to you!"

Jakuri (868) has posed:
    "Great," she replies rather sarcastically. Quantum computers may be nothing new, but dumping her with the final problem is a tad irksome. ~Effort~, ugh! Fussing seems out of the question for the time being however, the Reyvateil instead continuing on her steady charge forward. Bobbing, weaving, blasting. It's made a little easier with a robot dog for armour. She does now have to be mindful of the myriad blasts made in return however, and this means that she's throwing out less of her own. Nevertheless she does what she can as she forges onward in her quest to save the themepark. And possibly have an excuse afterwards to yell at some stupid people. That last thought makes her smirk!

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    Look at it this way: even division of labor. Ren does the math and the pathfinding so we're not lost forever in the quantum labyrinth, Jakuri does the shooting and the computer stuff.

    Ren then proceeds to backhand a spider off of the railings into the void, thereby making the previous sentence utterly pointless.

    Incidentally, yes, void- as Ren guides the pair of them from railing to railing, occasionally climbing up, occasionally leaping, there's definitely a feeling of 'climbing upwards' which means that there's definitely a... drop of distance above. And how is he navigating, anyway? Well, it's got a lot to do with calculating angles and a lot to do with following the faint traces of blue light instead of flourescent white.

    And after leaping on a rollercoaster car to get to the top of a hill, we can see it! Weirdly seperated from where it should be, seemingly hovering in the void even though it's probably just against a wall (PROBABLY), a normal-looking half-open door with blue light streaming behind it! Unfortunately, that door might be a bit narrow for Jakuri Robo...

    "WARNING. D-D-D-DANGEROUS AMOUNTS OF FLUC-FLUCTUATION. CRIT-CRITICAL OVERLOAD IM-IMM-MM-MM-INENT."
    "If that thing blows," Ren says grimly, "It'll blow a hole in reality twice the size of Metafalica..."

Jakuri (868) has posed:
    This would normal present a severe irritation, but ELMA can also be a tankdog. So you know. The hatch flies open as they approach and Jakuri leaps up, landing calmly atop a transformed Virus once more. She crosses her arms as she looks between Ren and the floating door, unattached to ANY wall, that she can see. "Stupid quantum physics. Stupid computers. Stupid spiders. STUPID." Very eloquent. She then glances at Ren. "I keep forgetting that there are files lying around for just about anyone to read." It's a little jarring, especially for someone who likes her privacy. Still, that's yet another thought for later as she has ELMA float her upwards while dragging Ren along as well. Not one for doors, Jakuri decides to make her own! Or more correctly. Unmake the current one. By having ELMA fire a missile at it and proceed through what should be a lack-of-door into an awkward room with a computer!

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    Ren- almost looks embarrassed for a second. "Well, didn't want to say 'Texas' and then you say 'what's Texas' and then we have an awkward moment, you know how it is... WAUUGH"

    What is absolutely a completely normal wooden door by every definition is completely reduced to splinters by ELMA, taking out a spider that was crawling towards the door at the same time, and it's just a quick step or two from there.

    The QUARC supercomputer is quaintly similar, superficially, to one of those 70s giant colosso-computers, but only because of 50th century retro style choices and the fact that there's probably the hardware of ten thousand contemporary computers packed in there, complete with huge liquid data storage drives, semi-solid hologram interfaces, lots of glowy neon lines and of course, a big main screen filled with error messages.

    This would be far too gone for any human programmer, but this should be like being in her element for the reyvateil otherwise known as Mir. The machine isn't doing anything so complicated as pulling things from parallel realities, but there's definitely some quantum uncertainty and compression of space going on here, phantom versions of reality superimposed upon one another- quantum doppelgangers and images superimposed over wrinkled, bunched-up reality. Even the spiders are not really made of anything at all, just the equivalent of local space pinched and bound up into a coherent shape. If Jakuri can just smooth out the runaway processes and clear the computer out to the point where it can run shutdown routines, all of this should snap back to normal...

Jakuri (868) has posed:
    "Well. I may not have done anything QUITE like this since I hacked the First Tower... Then again, this might be harder. Or easier." Shrug. What is certain is that she's going to have a crack at it, while leaving ELMA at the door with the express order to destroy anything that isn't one of the two people in the room. If any other civilians or employees appear somehow, this may be their doom. Oops.
    Not worrying about that in the slightest, Mir steps up to the grand quantum computer and makes a show of cracking gloved fingers. What proceeds is a lightning display of finger and eye movement the likes of which Ren has likely never seen; or at the very least seen only very rarely. How Mir manages is anyone's guess, but a combination of Sound Science, experience and stubborness is likely. The results are clear whatever the case, with error messages disappearing one or two at a time.

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
There's nothing Ren can do here that Jakuri doesn't have covered, so he does the best thing he can think of to help- something that only he, Ren Tanaka, can do in this situation.

    That is to say he tries to find something that looks like it's overheating and blows on it. Pshoo. Pshoo.

    Thankfully, only spiders fall in ELMA'S proverbial crosshairs, and -

    A few minutes later, even if it might feel like an age-

    The final error is cleared out, the hot, thick air in the room seems to dissipate, and -

There is just a control room with a powered off computer mainframe, and outside that, a simple rollercoaster track with a set of rolling cars. Even the security lights switch off, leaving everything in darkness. A small pop of ozone can be heard from inside the mainframe, possibly of a portal to some sun halfway across the multiverse closing.

Never connect a warpgate to an energy field bigger than your head, and definitely, definitely never use that to feed more power than a quantum calculator could ever possibly need. Otherwise it starts warping the fabric of space and time, and that's when you get laser spiders.

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    "...well," Ren says. "Never mind what the website says. Jakuri, we just stopped this place from really becoming a ghost town."

    "NOW let's go check out the gift shop, I want me one of those fancy top hats."