1412/Antagonist Chat

Antagonist Chat
Date of Scene:	25 January 2015
Location:	Terra Majora
Synopsis:	Nathan Hall and Elliana Fairchild have a civil discussion about their rivalry.
Cast of Characters:	92, 168
Tinyplot:	New blood

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Elliana Fairchild (92) has posed:
    In order to keep things... uncomplicated, Elliana has arranged for a neutral meeting place. It is on her world, but in a small nation on the Western Continent, and the Drasillum is quite some distance away. An upscale inn is what she's using, one with a private room that provides a nice place setting, tea, and other such trivialities.

    Elliana herself is not looking all that nervous about the meeting, but that doesn't mean anything. Her sword is nearby, and she's waiting patiently. The Union General will find that upon arrival, he'll be greeted with utmost politeness by the staff, given a chance to freshen up, and brought to the room as soon as he's ready.

    The only oddity is that Elliana's eyes have a slight darkening beneath them. It's almost like she hasn't slept, though by all accounts she's alert.

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    Nathan's habit of diving into someone else's dreams means he's not gotten a regular sleep himself. But, here he is, and rather like always. He takes advantage of the inn's hospitality to prepare himself both in appearance and in mind, and when he enters, it'll be with matching politeness. He'll indulge the tea, giving his own bland preferences gratefully and sipping in a well-mannered way when it's provided.

    Then he clasps his hands in front of him on the table, leaning forward just a bit, and will have an expectant sort of look. He's worried about the sword because he's worried about everything, but he's at least sure she's not going to do something horrible violent, and he'd be a hypocrite because his gun is holstered at his side as well.

    He remains wordless, for the most part, seeming to invite Elliana to begin her questioning at her leisure. What is it that she wanted to know, specifically? He knew she wanted to know something about the things that were stressing him, but the General has a hard time trying to figure out what she'd especially care about.

Elliana Fairchild (92) has posed:
    So... staring in silence for a while? Fine. This isn't a power struggle, though, and Elliana doesn't mind being the one to break the silence. She did call him here. "Good evening, Sir Hall." She pauses, right after saying that, and sighs. "Actually, if it does not bother you, I think for tonight I will be more familiar. Good evening, Nathan. You should relax, for tonight... it is just us, and I mean you no harm for tonight. Wrathborn is not listening, either."

    She leans back with a cup of tea, staring again for one more long moment, as if deep in thought. Finally, she speaks, "I have questions I would ask you, but for now I am more interested in what concerns you. I know it is... unusual... but I do like to think that we have some similarities just as strong as our differences. Do you want to talk before we begin?"

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    Nathan seems to take several moments to think. "It does not bother me if you choose to call me Nathan." He says in his usual emotionless monotone. "Though you will forgive me if I am disinclined to relax. For what little it is worth, there are very few people in the multiverse for whom I will. I advise you not think of it as an expression of our own tension." Nathan seems willing to talk, even if he's not the one to initiate things that much.

    "As for my concerns, I am sure the more immediate ones are entirely obvious. Distress on various subjects concerning intent, affiliation, eventual outcome, and other matters. These are all tensions you are intimidately aware of and require no answers concerning. Previously you seemed in my immediate tension in response to your discussion of my emotion. This is an answer I have no comfort at all answering." Of course, he did agree to answer before, so there'll be no grudge if she pushes that.

    "I will admit we share similarities in methods and behavior. As strong as they are, the differences become all the more critical. And I will make no secret that there is little I have worth saying in the first place for a scenario like this. You can begin when you like. I have no desire to waste your time." Plenty worth saying, of course, but Nathan is indulging a small amount of his old self-depreciating posture here. That part is, oddly, completely without even hidden aggression towards Elliana. He's not abstaining from discussing it of his own volition out of a lack of trust, even Psyber had to corner him about that sort of thing.

Elliana Fairchild (92) has posed:
    Elliana, in typical elegant evil mastermind fashion, stirs her tea and lightly taps the spoon on the edge of the cup. The light chiming, in the silence of the moment, is a cliched threatening noise... but she isn't actually going for that, so she eyes Nathan with consideration... then huffs her breath on the spoon and lightly hangs it off of her nose.

    Despite the ridiculous appearance this gives her, Elliana's voice is still level and has that same mild authority and formality she always has. "I could query with numerous questions, and probe and quest with indirection. Really, though, at the root I only have one question, and I want you to answer that before we move on." She pauses, then opts to tug the spoon off and lay it on the table, taking her more serious look back.

    "What do you want from me?"

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    Nathan thoroughly examines his tea, which is to say, he avoids looking at Elliana Fairchild for some time. "I do not believe this line of conversation will produce any positive results." He eventually says. "Regardless, I doubt it will much sate your curiosity. What I want from you, in its most broad definition, is no longer something that is within the capacity of anyone to achieve. I hold an intense desire to no longer hate you, but as all conceivable outcomes regarding that are undesirable for one or more parties involved, that is not a valid desire. At best, I could state what I previously wanted. Which was for you to return to the Union and ally with us again."

    He makes a sort of plaintive open-paled gesture with both hands, and then goes back to drinking sipping tea. There's clearly more left unsaid, but it can only be extracted if approached the proper way...

Elliana Fairchild (92) has posed:
    The request leaves Elliana lifting an eyebrow. "And you expect that I could simply walk right up to the Union, and they would take me back? I highly doubt that, even if we did not have some philosophical differences." Her eyebrow twitches. "You might be surprised..."

    Setting her teacup down, Elliana folds her hands together with a serious expression, though the curl of her lip is gentle. "Nathan. I know you hate me now, and I have a general idea why. You said as much. I'm opening up my deepest nightmares to you... you're seeing things that I haven't told anyone, or at least seeing details that I... glazed over before. I am not doing this simply because you asked, but because I want you to understand me, and I want you to know me in such a way that we can trust one another again. I know that I am... flawed. I know that I have had some very difficult decisions and I made them in ways that you have objected to. But I am /trying/ now. What is it you want /now/ that cannot be given?"

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    Nathan narrows his eyes briefly and there's a flicker of frustration on his stoic face. For that man, it's the equivalent of getting red-faced and RANTING. "Of course now. Now you have betrayed us multiple times." He sips rather casually, still retaining utmost emotionlessness. "At the time, however, it could certainly have been done. The others may have attacked you with violent intent or outright wished death upon you, but I very vividly recall being the one to beg you not to leave even while you were in the act of betrayal. The option was and did remain open for quite some time." He makes a sort of shrugging gesture. "Of course, precluding it has brought us to this now."

    He sets his cup down and pushes it a bit to the side. "I told you. I very much want to not hate you. There are many potential solutions for it, and none of them are agreeable to all parties involved. You could die, which none of us want. You could return to the Union, which, as you have said, none of us want. There are many similar options. The core of the matter is that my hatred for having to chase you has been fueled by your running away." He leans back, his glasses shining for a moment. "What cannot be given is simple. From the first day of your betrayal until now, I have sought you facing the full consequences of your actions directly. And my hope is that, at such a point, I would no longer experience the /profound/ embarrassment of having an actually uncontrollable emotion such as that." And then he takes his cup again.

    "Does that answer your question?" Sip.

Elliana Fairchild (92) has posed:
    SOMETHING that Nathan says makes Elliana tense up, ever so minutely, and she opens her mouth as if to retort in a sharp and quick fashion... only to close it and sigh, shaking her head. "I have never run away from the consequences of my actions, Nathan... even if it may look like I have. Everything I have done, I have done to help my world. It may not be a method you like... and most likely, it is not a method /I/ like. While I admit that initially, I had nothing but contempt for the Union, I am not... so sure I would say that I do not want to return now. Only, I am not so sure it is a good idea."

    She scoots her chair back, quite suddenly, and rises to her feet to turn around and walk toward the window. "I do not /run away/, and it is an insult that you think this is what I have done." A small pause. "Well, technically I have run away in the sense of fleeing certain death or the like, but not how you have put it. I tried running away once. It made things worse."

    She goes quiet for a long, long moment, then speaks more quietly. "Things have changed. I don't think you realize that I've changed. Just like I don't think you understand how I was then, nor how I am now. Maybe this was all a mistake, after all. Maybe all I'm giving you from these little forays is a way to strike at my weaknesses."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    Nathan tilts his head, as if legitimately confused by something.

    "When you fled the Union and defected to the Confederacy, you were, at worst, fleeing a small amount of brig time and a demotion to publicly disassociated ranks." He leans on one elbow and keeps his eyes turned, slightly, from Elliana. "If you do not run away, then I will certainly accept counterargument. Feel free to state the consequences for your actions you deserve to experience, and which you have. I mean no insult, as I am sure you know, and apologize for insensitive words." There's a brief sort of inclining of the head. "But you did ask, and I did tell you it was something that would be best left without discussion. The insult is certainly not one that is difficult to disprove, if you would like to."

    He makes that same plaintive gesture with both hands. "As for whether or not you have changed, I seek, at all times, to counteract my bias and hatred. Certainly, I am open to the possibility, and in my actions seek to provide opportunity. As you are no doubt extremely aware, I seek to find some means of allying with you whenever I may. To date, objective examination puts the results roughly at a one in two chance of betrayal."

Elliana Fairchild (92) has posed:
    Again, the frown flits on the edge of her lips. "Brig and demotion? If you'll recall, Father Weissman tried to KILL me. I was in intense pain, and struggling to contain an entity beyond my comprehension. I fell back to my contingency plan. Of COURSE I ran. I knew, walking into that temple, that no matter what happened I would be losing the friends I had made. Either the six sacrifices would be dead, or I would be enemies with them... perhaps dead myself. I was ready to accept that." She actually DOES blush. "Though I did perhaps have a starry-eyed and insipid idea of you being there with me. I believe I had a crush on you, in hindsight."

    As if to attempt to brush that admission under the rug, Elliana quickly continues, "When have I /betrayed/ you since that day? Do you think I /want/ people to hate me? I do what I do because it is the only way to save my world... and giving up some of that control and trusting you and the Union to help me with that is... difficult. You CANNOT say I have not tried."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "You ran directly to the Confederacy." Nathan says, still seeming so INCREDIBLY emotionless with one hand propping up his chin. "You of all people should trust my ability to negotiate with others. Did you really believe I could not tame the momentary rage of those allies? It is frankly impossible to imagine that you could have truly believed that walking back to the Union after leaving the temple would have resulted in your death, had you negotiated it with me. You will recall, Nine was in a position to kill you himself and I did my best to protect you. You had very well-demonstrated examples of both my ability and my intent to protect you from my allies, and did not act." An eyebrow goes up, incredulously. "Did you require I go through the same gestures as Psyber? He may have the celestial grace to pull that off, but I certainly do not, it would have been an embarrassment to both of us."

    The other question gets a confused noise from Nathan prefacing it. "Damcyan." He says, simply. "That seemed very straightforward."

Elliana Fairchild (92) has posed:
    "As I said. Contingency plan," Elliana replies. "And you will pardon me, again, if I did not carefully consider each and every person's history and capabilities /again/ while in the midst of having my eye shot out." She frowns, "Though you are correct that in hindsight, I could have perhaps gotten back in, my perspective is different now as well."

    The more important thing is that she ends up leaning forward, and pointing her finger at Nathan in a much more aggressive manner. "I had nothing to do with what happened at Damcyan beyond being in the room. I did not know the exact plans there, did not set it up, and while I fought in the battle it was not my plan that you fell victim to. As I recall I even expressed my distaste for using you in that manner on Confederate channels afterward."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "You just happened to implicitly endorse the honesty of it, continue to pursue the same plan and support the one who conceived it, and then gain substantial martial and political power as a result of doing so." Nathan doesn't actually say that. He just sort of gives Elliana a very meaningful silence that strongly, STRONGLY implies it.

    But back to the other subject. "I did not hate you for a very, very long time. I do not refer to your actions in the temple. As I said in the negotiations with Nine: I forgive you for taking them, and I understand why you needed to. Even in the temple itself, I did not understand but I wanted you to stay." He makes a plaintive gesture. "So in the many months that followed, with such demonstrations as my efforts to work in tandem with you in Skyrim, Damcyan, and suchlike, and with demonstrations of both my ability and intent to neutralize all undue threats against you..."

    He makes that gesture again. "You did not return. So, you have not answered my question. What consequences did you deserve to face, for the initial scheme, and for continuing your campaigns with the Confederacy, which you have faced, as you claim?"

Elliana Fairchild (92) has posed:
    Elliana shakes her head, "I am ashamed of many things, but you cannot glare me into submission for this. The Damcyan incident is one I expressed my distaste for along the proper channels. I am sure that you, as Union General, are aware of the need to follow such channels rather than show visible strife to the enemy?" She lets that hang in the air for a long moment before moving on.

    "I did not return, no," she allows. "I did not return because the Union was not something to be allied with, but far more useful to me as a tool. Now..." She shrugs. "I don't know. I have no problems being in the Confederacy, but it does sometimes feel like I would be better-suited in the Union. Now that we are far off track of what I wanted to talk about."

    She sighs and straightens. "And what makes you think I have not suffered for this? Do you think doing what I am doing is easy? Do you think I like knowing that some people that I could have been friends with are now set on killing me?" She holds up one finger. "Do you know what this is?"

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "What makes me think you have not suffered for this is rather easy to answer. Since your defection, you have gained political power, magical power, assets, and material wealth, accomplished many of your goals, gained useful human tools with which to exert your control on events around you, and similar suchlike." Nathan says. The monotone is the same, but the pace of the wording makes it sound like this should be obvious.

    He stares at the gesture she holds up for a while. He looks to her face, then back to her hand. "Well, it looks like a finger." He says. "But I assume it is meant to represent something you will shortly clarify."

Elliana Fairchild (92) has posed:
    "Mn... true." Elliana does not argue the point of what she has gained. "And I ask you, Nathan, has any of that given me what I wanted? It is a means to an end that has yet to bear fruit. If you will recall, the last time I started trusting, it lead to ME being betrayed."

    She lets that hang in the air, pointedly, before amending, "A situation which has since been resolved, it is true." She lowers her finger, and shakes her head. "It is a finger counting the number of people that I called friend in the eight or nine years before coming to the Union. And it leads into the other question I wanted to ask you, before we got... ah... sidetracked with this."

    There's an uncomfortable pause before Elliana says quietly, "I will take what you have said into consideration, and repeat my question. What can I do, now, that you want? Even if it would be inconvenient for me. And the other question... what do you think of Wrathborn of late? He concerns me."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "Short of determining some means by which my capacity for hatred in this particular scenario could be forcibly removed from my mind, I can think of very little you could do." Nathan says. "Your mistake is believing that I have any real desire to act on my feelings. I want to act against them, and endeavor to do so. I am entirely cognizant of the fact that hatred is, in itself, a terrible and irrational thing, and that this hatred is no better. Since all of the available options for resolving my hatred are no longer available and since I respect the moral principles you act upon and you tend to act almost exclusively upon them, there is nothing more I can request."

    There's that almost helpless open-palmed gesture again. "I have few desires I can reasonably express beyond that. If there were something else you could do that would have caused a simple, switch-like cessation of the hatred, I can assure you, I would probably have embarrassingly given you an overwrought session of begging for that thing too while I was busy dropping all of my blood."

    Nathan seems to have his thoughts already collected about Wrathborn. "Your mind is postured such that you seek and maintain any semblance of humanity that you can retain. Wrathborn is patterned off of it, and expresses this tendency. Assuming he is not being selective in his guidance, the understanding I achieve through examining your nightmares indicates that Wrathborn himself may express these and other tendencies positively if cultivated in the proper way. I have been somewhat 'hands off' in interactions with him, myself. Primarily due to embarrassment regarding absurd statements I made during our very first encounter."

Elliana Fairchild (92) has posed:
    Elliana scowls. "And your mistake is in concentrating on me, rather than my goals." She does not clarify that statement, immediately moving on to Wrathborn. "I am not entirely sure that is correct, but it is a thought. One of the reasons I am... attempting to alter my behavior is due to him. Some of the things he has said and done have given me pause, made me rethink my actions... and others, I think he is wrong and naive."

    Her head tilts, and she pulls up a chair again. "What did you say to him that was so absurd? This I really must know."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "He will not be patterned off of your desires, your core nature, and such things. He is merely patterned off of the means by which you express those things, the 'infrastructure' of your mind, as I understand it. Therefore, I assume some measure of that is the use of apparent humanity for..." Nathan starts, then makes a vague gesture. "Whatever requires expression. He is not introspection on who you are, but rather how 'who you are' translates to 'what you do', and 'what you say'."

    Then he makes a sighing, exasperated, almost flustered noise. "As I am sure you have seen, I get into moods of a sort under unusual circumstances. Situations like my behavior during your betrayal, my behavior during our fight in Cirrus Marine, or my behavior shortly after your restoring the seals on Wrathborn. As you may recall from the things I was saying or even doing then, I tend to be /profoundly/ embarrassing in a way that I am sure nobody involved would like to repeat outside of those who were forced to bear witness to it." It's clear he'll explain if she pushes it, but seems averse to doing so!

Elliana Fairchild (92) has posed:
    Elliana really wants to push for that. She really, really does... but she smiles. "I will leave your secret to yourself, for now. We are not here to embarrass you, I simply wanted to know what is troubling you. I still have not gotten that, so perhaps I will just... encourage you with the root of my thoght, and tie this all together."

    She checks the pot, then gently heats it with a small surge of power. Wasteful, yes, but there are perks to being what she is. Pouring herself one last cup, she sits back and sighs. "The Shajem are creatures born of corruption and destruction. They exist to annihilate the powers of creation. Perhaps our creation myth is not quite right, but that fact is undeniable. Yet..."

    She taps her cup, and then begins to list, "It is Wrathborn who advised against the Faranel plan. It was he who made a selfless sacrifice in taking on all of my pain when I was aflame. He was the one guiding me to save that space station when Samael appeared. All of these behaviors and more are... more human than I have been. It makes me wonder, though..."

    She offers the last of the pot and asks quietly, "If he can change so drastically, then why can't I?"

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "You already know what troubles me." Nathan says, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

    He listens closely to the rest, though, keenly attentive. This is valuable insight, whatever he may believe. He seems to give it a heavy degree of quiet contemplation. Unlike his stoicism before, which sometimes seems to drip a "look how much I don't care" attitude, this is a much more somber, respectful sort of posture. After a lot of thinking, Nathan says, "I believe I understand. You are beginning to come to the conclusion that the nuances of your mental infrastructure allow for deep-level redefinition of the soul that resides within. The possibility of a hopeful future clashes violently with the fear that you could also become something horrible." Nathan very intensely recalls some of those nightmares...

    "As you have, in the past, already experienced a great degree of personal change and growth, you find yourself unable to predict what you may yet become, and have a very, very obvious display that even the greatest and darkest depths of pure destructive nature are not outside the reach of your mind's mold to encompass. Wrathborn received the gift of that template for the mind which clearly has the capacity to shape something that you have spent your entire life learning to fear, and therefore if it can go one way, why not the reverse? And you are uncertain about whether or not to hope, more optimistically, that you, yourself, may not be beyond a more improving sort of capacity."

    Nathan drinks down the rest of his own tea all at once to punctuate things. "Or perhaps I am just spewing false pseudo-insight. Is that something like how things are?"

Elliana Fairchild (92) has posed:
    Narrowing her good eye, Elliana surveys Nathan for a long moment. She finally shakes her head. "No... it was a question, and the answer is not what I wanted to hear, but what I should have expected." She stands abruptly, snatching up her sword and sliding it into place at her side. "I am going home. Yet I suppose you have won this round, Sir Hall." She doesn't punctuate the words, but it is unlikely she needs to point out the reversion to using his old title again.

    "You wanted to know why I didn't go back? Fine. Here is the answer you were really seeking. The one I won't dodge. I didn't go back for all the reasons I gave before, but for one real one," Elliana murmurs, stopping on her way toward the door. "I did not answer your plea because I was too proud. I did not go back later because I was /ashamed/ to face up and beg for forgiveness. I've said it before, and I suppose it must be true: If I have to be a villain to save what matters, then I am willing to be one. But in doing so, I have matters that are important to me. I have a Servant... is SABER welcome within the Union? I have a woman who owes me her life and relies upon me to support her. Is Lady Whiteheart someone I should abandon on the flight of fancy here? For good or ill, I am responsible for what she does. Things are not so simple as you present... and I know you are an intelligent man, Sir Hall. You should know better than to ignore all the other factors. Give me a solution that works."

    She stops right before leaving, and adds in a reluctant note, "Please."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "There are few I do. I will hope that winning is defined positively for both of us." Nathan says. "You will change. Psyber and I, for all our differences in how we feel about you, we will each do what we can to ensure it is a good one." He quirks an eyebrow. "You know my history. Pegasus. Nine. I will always be an agent of change where it is needed, and where it is suited."

    Then he looks square at Elliana. "And that is why I did not propose it as what I seek from you. At the time, perhaps, it was reasonable to ask, and I certainly did. Now, it is not, and so I will not. As you said, there are other factors. I will not ignore them." He looks somber and... Almost vulnerable, for a moment. "I do not enjoy hatred. It is a shameful thing. A liability for me to harbor, and an embarrassment to express. I have sought solutions. I will ask that you believe I share every ounce of desire for that outcome. But there has yet to be an appropriate solution, since the first was made unreachable. Otherwise, I certainly would have told you by now."

    "If I ever do find one, I will make sure to seek it, and ask it of you. Ideally without making a fool of myself this time."