2722/Cats, Bags, Etc.

Cats, Bags, Etc.
Date of Scene:	03 August 2015
Location:	Heaven or Hell Tower <HoH>
Synopsis:	Boy this did not go at all how Psyber expected.
Cast of Characters:	168, 253

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Psyber (253) has posed:
    Psyber is here! Just according to his statement to Nathan, he has also brought lunch. It's a pretty basic pair of dishes from a local italian restaurant: Noodles, some chicken, a creamy red sauce. Delicious stuff, nothing too weird or Hastur-esque in terms of cuisine. The half-angel doesn't really see much need to announce his presence, instead just walking up and setting down the bag with both servings on the table between them.

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    Nathan, as is by now the norm, disengages from the Front Desk area to the familiar side-table. They use this one so regularly that Nathan has stopped leaving books on it. His robotic, deliberate, and somewhat exhausted-seeming motions are in their usual full force as he shuffles on over to the table and takes a seat. "Welcome, welcome, well, come in, come on inside." He mutters as Psyber enters, and tilts his head with stoic, blank-faced curiosity as he sits. "So, what did you want to talk about, to speak to me privately about?"

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "Alright, so here's the deal," Psyber says, when Nathan wants to get right to business. Psyber is sitting down and unpacking the food for them both, "There's something I feel you have a right to know about me. But... because of how I am... how fucked up I am in a lot of ways, I can't come right out and say it, because that would be like admitting it," Psyber notes awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head, "I'm surprised you didn't see it by now, but then I remembered how your puzzle solving stuff works. So..." Psyber looks across the table at Nathan, "I'm going to give you the pieces and see when you can put them together. That way I don't have to... say it out loud."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    Nathan stares, and his expression shifts not one single iota. "I understand." He says, without speaking. "All sorts of old distresses, all sorts of old anxieties. Plenty of things I wouldn't ever want to say out loud, to say in any direct way. Any sort of explicit way." He politely gets to work on digging into the meal, of course, with the intent to eat while Psyber speaks. Something he hopes will make Psyber feel more at-ease about things.

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "The first piece I have to give you is what I tell people when my dating life comes up. There's something very precise about that phrasing I use," Psyber notes as he unpacking his food and then pushes at it with his fork, "That line. 'I am in love with my job. Until such a time as those circumstances change, I am not a suitable candidate for any dedicated relationship. It would not work for a number of reasons.'."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "And then people always talk about what my job would be like as a girl. Good-looking, but trouble. The kind of person that causes a lot of trouble in my office," Psyber says as he stares down at the food, "Maybe not intentionally, but yeah." He thinks over it for a few moments, "What my job would be like if it was a woman, it always has certain common traits. Awkward attributes."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    Nathan twists up some spaghetti idly. "Current going message I'm getting is that you've accidentally summoned something, that our influx of personified ships, anthropomorphized vessels may have created some real being." He says, with an idle sort of monotone. "I expect that this is incorrect, that this is the wrong message to take, so continue, continue." He continues his quiet nibbling on the food.

Psyber (253) has posed:
    The half-angel kind of shifts in his seat a bit, "Then there's the fact that one could argue that the lion's share, or majority anyway, of my work is or has been centered around certain individuals and incidents." He pauses to laugh at Nathan's joke, "Your humor is coming back. I like that."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "Mmm, but. I'd say the biggest piece I can give you is this..." He pauses, trying to think of how to phrase it, "As you had your decline, I had a similar shift in stances and viewpoints. In order to keep a state of zero sum, your hatred increased and in response, I unknowingly had similar shifts in viewpoints... perspectives. In feelings on topics." He scratches the back of his head, "Not that the conclusion is your fault, and I don't blame you, but it's a big piece. I became a mirrored version of your own motions on certain topics. Certain... things."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    Nathan's focus becomes a bit more dark when Elliana comes up, for reasons that are obvious. "Well. I can see that Lady Fairchild is, at the very least, a central topic. A central topic for whatever it is that needs saying." He sighs heavily, putting down his fork and seeming unlikely to eat more for a while. "Fitting. Fitting, I think, very fitting that whatever it is about her you're not able to say has to be said with truthful half-directed statements."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    Psyber makes an awkward sort of jaw-clenching gesture as Nathan figures out Elliana is involved, "Yeah. Elliana is involved. That's another piece of it," Psyber says as he looks across the table at his friend, "And part of why I can't say it outright. But it's more a personal... hangup. A glaring flaw in a few things... that stop me from saying it," Psyber notes, taking a bite of food, "But the pieces are there. If you put them in the right order, you'll see the picture."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    Nathan clasps his hands now, and leaving them just over his mouth as he stares down at the table. "Yes. Not many things we disagreed on that way, not many things besides her." He mutters. "Not many things, and especially not things that I could say led to my decline, my particular... Fall from grace, as it were."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "Yeah, definitely not much we disagreed on. Not a lot that we took... mirrored stances on." Psyber notes, emphasizing that last part of it in a hesitant sort of way. Because of how Nathan is, Psyber can't fully tell how much the librarian is getting his implications.

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "I would assume this has something to do with the nature of positive feelings towards her, yes." Nathan says. His monotone is slowly turning to that old one, more stiff and forced. "I will have some logical difficulties trying to think about things in any perspective that assumes she deserves such positive attention." He seems to be working backwards on Psyber's hints...

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "Yeah. I don't expect you to understand or agree with the conclusion, if you meet the right one. But I felt you had a right to know, as my best friend," Psyber says to him, nodding a bit as Nathan works.

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    His mind seems to visibly grind gears a bit when he gets to the second hint. "Making trouble in the office, yes. I have no doubt that such a personification would be conventionally attractive, as all such personificiations tend to be. Substantial focus towards certain members of the staff, not unlike the Kongou-class or other similar beings. Et-cetera." He makes a subtle noise of almost recognition. "And I suppose Lady Fairchild fits into several of those categories, if this matter is about her."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    He then seems to work his way back to the very first one. "And I do recall what you usually say about this matter, yes." He says, nodding. "Little time for affection when you are focused on a job. You mentioned... Focused around certain individuals." He visibly seems to be turning the thoughts over in his mind, thinking on the precise phrasing, since at last it has been very directly pointed out.

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    It takes a long while, but he then seems to link the thoughts in his head. A feeling opposite to his hatred, a focus on few individuals, and the combinations of the first and second hints do seem to link in his mind. In one abrupt moment, Nathan seems to figure it out. His face remains emotionless, his posture remains utterly still. But there's a very, very quiet sparking noise at his right eye, a tiny arc of electricity that plays over the lens of the glasses without damaging them. Psyber's keen eyes may notice the fingernails on his thumbs pressing deeply into his hands while they remain clasped, drawing the smallest amount of blood. Just enough to hint at the restrained emotions, but not enough to make it clear what those are.

    He flinches, briefly, as if suffering some intense pain in his head before he speaks up, but continues staring down at the table. "Is that why you chose her over me?" This slight inflection to his monotone is one Psyber hasn't heard in months. Before the fractured lens, or maybe after his exposure to the Lord of Hate.

Psyber (253) has posed:
    Psyber was feeling awkward before Nathan put the pieces together. When the electricity comes back and the tone comes back to his friends voice, Psyber clenches his jaw some more. The half-angel levels his gaze on the man, flinching as Nathan draws just the smallest amount of his own blood. The half-angel narrows his eyes a bit and says, "Mm... no. Or at least, as far as I know. Because I was ready to kill her that day before you could do it, if I couldn't stop you from killing her."

    He looks away as he says that, sighing a bit, "What I did was because I didn't understand how to protect you from yourself. It had nothing to do with such emotions."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    Nathan's breathing slows and his posture relaxes, but this is far from an indication that he's de-stressed. In fact, it seems forced and conscious; Psyber may recognize it as a telltale sign that Nathan is utterly denying the urge to express emotion further. He notices the slight bleeding and reclasps his hands on the table, thumbs hidden. He still flinches, as if experiencing some intense, heavy, pounding headache, a clear sign of the intensity of whatever caused that.

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "Mmm... I gain the feeling I should have kept this to myself, despite the persistent urging to face problems head on that has become so prevalent on my radio bands," Psyber says with a calm, if somewhat ashamed, tone to his voice as he looks across the table at Nathan, "I admit I'm not sure why I expected any different reaction after what has transpired."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    Then, Nathan seems to reign in that brief moment of exposed emotion. "I understand." He says, his voice forced into calmer ranges. The old inflections are choked back with such overwhelming intensity that it's difficult to tell what's being choked back in the first place. "Emotions are difficult to control. It is not my place to judge you or insist on the same standards I hold myself to. I comprehend and accept the feelings you hold for Lady Fairchild." There's a distinct element of lacking truth to this, in the sense that it doesn't reflect Nathan's genuine feelings. But he's trying.

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "You don't have to accept them," Psyber says, giving his friend the out. The exit to being forced to pretend, "We've reached the equilibrium in the system, Nate. I don't see a need to pursue you over your feelings for her any more, and my act of contrition for everything I did to you is to come here and set this on the table for you," He stares hard at his friend, "You are allowed to disagree with it, just as I am allowed to disagree with your own points. But I would feel like a poor friend if I didn't make my own shameful stance known to at least you after I pulled yours into the light."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "There are unbalanced scales. Inequalities of a profound type. But you are not the one at the other end of that imbalance." Nathan mutters. He forces his volume low, just in case even the slightest inflection of his overwhelming, miserable frustration gets to the surface, so it will be that much more difficult to hear. "At least, not the worst of the imbalance are at your feet. So I will disagree with what you feel but I will not claim you have no right to feel it or try to convince you otherwise, and it would be wrong to want to do as much. As before, as now." There's that sense of inauthenticity again. Nathan's trying, as hard as he can, to avoid expressing his factual, true emotions.

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "Nathan," Psyber says seriously, watching his friend, "Don't do this again. Don't swallow whatever you're feeling and then blow it back out in my face in six, eight, or ten months. Two years. I can't handle another explosion like the one we just had," The half-angel gives his friend a hard look, "And I'm not an idiot. You very clearly loathe the way I feel, so please at least take some solace in that your wallowing in misery is not singular, and you know that for a fact," The half-angel looks at Nathan, "At least with Pegasus, you found someone who would stand by you no matter what, who would never use you, and who gave up everything for you." He plays a pretty honest card, "And I've never said a word to you about that in the negative. So before you break out some victim complex that puts you on the imbalanced edge of the scale remember that everyone supported what YOU wanted, while I suffer my emotions alone and isolated, and beyond even that, forever unreciprocated."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    Nathan very abruptly stands, both palms planted on the tabletop harshly. "Do not compare Pegasus to Lady Fairchild." He says, with a soft, miserable inflection to his tone, something he's trying to hide behind a whisper. "And do not call the scales anything but what they are. If you wish for my feelings to be expressed, then know them now, if that is your choice. As soon as Pegasus had the means and the motive, she made her choice. She stopped chosing the Confederacy, she ceased everything that could be worth objection."

    He remains motionless and monotoned as he talks in that whisper. "You have fallen in love with a woman who chose and continued to choose to destroy my life out of the convenience of being loyal to the Confederacy, long after you claim she began to feel regret and long after she claims she desired to leave it, and I will refuse to believe the love had nothing to do with the fact that you led a conspiracy against me for my refusal to trust her because I was suspicious that the Confederates would turn against me, which they thereafter /did/ because of that. You have no right to claim the scales have any balance or that I have ever had the advantages or fair treatment you ascribe."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    Psyber stands up and looks across the table at Nathan, "Why not, Nathan? One Confederate who slaughtered people for another," He glares across the table at his friend, "You have the audacity to tell me that Elliana is nothing like Pegasus? So fine. Cyborg Nine, your serial killing cannibal best friend. She's done as much, or more, to repent than he has. And yet somehow he's your absolute trusted best friend," Psyber stares hard at the librarian.

    "And you're running a very skewed history, Nathan Hall. One that overlooks years of standing by your side and backing your calls. One that overlooks that what I did was not out of Elliana, but out of your own instability. You destabilized an entire cross-factional operation through your own obfuscation, equivalent in its magnitude to that of the Confederates. At least they were on the same page with eachother, we had no idea what you planned going in. And then you jumped to blame Elliana for it all, requiring me to step in and go to the Confederates in damn prostration to re-negotiate terms because you couldn't be a diplomat." He thrusts a finger forward.

    "My 'conspiracy' had everything to do with the fact that after years of having your back, you left me in the dark and took a dump on the bed that de-stabilized three years of work on a planet," He scowls at Nathan, "So I had to do your fucking job for months." He shakes his head, "And still, after all of it, when you fucking snapped and took an army's worth of payload to her doorstep to violate the pacifism you have spent years believing in, I gathered everyone I could think of that meant anything to you, within the purview of contacts I had available. Your girlfriend, your future sister, your therapist. To try to talk you down from breaking everything you believed in."

    "And yet I was still the one who took the black mark. The traitor, forever atoning for doing what was laid before him. You were getting praised by Confederates for your power while I was trying to rebuild my office. Your girlfriend stayed in my office with you while I stopped sleeping."

    "And yet you DARE tell me the scales gave you no advantage, when all you had were outs that you refused to take."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "I made my choice, Psyber. Because I was right." Nathan says. He remains utterly unmoving again. "The conspiracy you led was wrong. I told you the Confederates could not be trusted. And the fact is that they /could not/ be trusted. I was nearly turned into something like Lady Fairchild when I followed your way, Psyber. I tried to take the path that would avoid it and you went against me. Your argument has a mistake. Your argument assumes you were in the right."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "You claimed I unnecessarily jeopardized the Union-Confederate relations when I began to perceive a risk to myself and to the world if I continued collaboration with them in that particular effort, and acted accordingly to deny them those opportunities. But you ignore the fact that as soon as we resumed the course I denied because of this risk, it arose again. You claim I was irrational to believe that the Confederates would exploit the Shajem in a way that was worse than the benefit gained by trusting them and working with them. And when I followed your path and trusted them, they attempted to bind a Shajem to my soul."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "And I made my choice because while it was wrong, it was for the right outcome. Just because you can talk circles around me in a debate and live in a world of self-perpetuating victimization does not make you more correct than I am, Nathan," Psyber says in a hard and accusatory tone, "All your arguments, all your counterpoints, come from a subjective attempt to rationalize events into a narrative that you always wanted to have happen in the first place."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "It's amazing how in the months since that happened, you've changed this story from 'Elliana betrayed me again' to 'The Confederates betrayed me just like I knew they would', once it became apparent Elliana was the not the mastermind behind their actions," Psyber notes with a flat tone to his voice, glaring at his friend, "And that's how you win these. You have essence-powered eidetic memory that allows you to out-class and perfectly recall every event, so you can simply arrange the events in a way that will support you against anyone equivalent."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "If you have evidence against my claims, then provide it. Otherwise, your opinions are rooted in emotion and feeling, as I believe. And I will accept your feelings, but I will not accept your claims of fact. Do not ever claim I wanted any of this to happen, and if you still wish for me to be open with my emotions then I will: I find it completely unacceptable that you believe I would ever /desire/ a life of being repeatedly betrayed by my allies." Nathan says. The few signs of his emotions getting through the monotone and the stoic mask speak more of misery and frustration than aggression and hate, when they're visible through the flinches of pain from his head.

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "Evidence the first: The Confederacy did not betray you. Their goal was to gather a portion of Shajem energy for independant research purposes related to the proper usage of Shajem and Amethyne energies," Psyber notes, staying at Nathan quietly as he leans in, "Second evidence, the Confederacy did not betray you at the Shajem of Hatred. Lezard Valeth, a Confederate, betrayed you. And when he had breached the treaty, Elliana Fairchild and Nox took steps to prevent him from completing his betrayal. A Confederate betrayed you, the Confederacy protected you."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "And I do not believe you desire a life of being betrayed and victimized, but much like many other people, it is the narrative you will read from the situation," He states flatly, "In fact, it's not that different from Unionites you have helped in the past such as Staren. Think of the advice you would give him about how to handle himself in your situation, rather than your own actions you have taken," He looks at his friend hard, "My claims are as rooted in fact as yours, you simply have the encyclopedic ability to cite every betrayal, while all I can do is explain motivations and exist in the court of public opinion."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "But you know that. It's how you control the refutes against what you believe," Psyber says with some seriousness to his voice, "I can't win against you in an argument, certainly not one about Elliana. The most I can do is hold my ground to a stalemate, but I've never actually won. Even then, at the Drasillium, I needed a half-dozen people helping me to even make that headway."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "Then why do you keep asking for that? Why do you keep wanting to know how I feel if your only urge is to argue against it? I /told/ you the 'right' thing, I told you what you wanted to hear. And I kept what I believed to myself." Nathan says, pausing and briefly holding his hand to his head as if experiencing a particularly intense burst of sensation. "I can accept what you believe about many things. I have accepted what you wanted to tell me today, that you love Lady Fairchild, and I continue to accept it. But you say you want to know how I feel and then you tell me what I am feeling is wrong, and that it was awful for me to explain what I feel and why. I still do not understand what you want."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "You instigated," Psyber says in a hard tone, "You claimed the scales were imbalanced. You brought my judgment and my actions to questions, and then you have the gall to stand here and act like all you did was express emotions, create dialogue, and I am the unreasonable one?" The half-angel asks him incredulously, looking at him in almost shock at it, "You tell me how I feel is completely different from your almost identical situation, while you still have no response to why you're allowed to have a best friend that eats people, but I can't know a woman who betrays people."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "Nine never pretended to be anything else." Nathan says. It feels, in a way, like a certain element of resolve is weakening; something Psyber said there is wearing away at something deeper, but it's not clear. "And I would never, ever argue against the right anyone has to hate Nine for what he does. Yes. He eats people. You are free to hate him for that, to fight him for that, and I will not stop you. I will not choose him over you. I will never pretend that he did not do the evil he does."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "And I have stopped trying to force you to stop hating Elliana," Psyber says to Nathan, his own tone starting to pull back a bit as he crosses his arms, "But what I don't do is blast you for loving a former Confederate you thought you could save. And what I didn't do is choose Elliana over you," He says, putting a hand to his face and rubbing it with his palm, "I told you. I went there resolved to stop you from killing Elliana. That meant, like I said earlier, killing her myself if all else failed. I could have come at you at full force and you know it, and if I had chosen Elliana over you, I would have. But I doubled down on believing in you, Nathan. Please stop saying I chose Elliana over you."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "You're right, though, about one thing," Psyber says to Nathan, looking at his friend hard. He leaves it hanging in the air for a few moments while he thinks.

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "Elliana and Pegasus ARE different. And what you did to save Pegasus, I've been trying to do to save Elliana," Psyber notes, looking at his friend in an almost tired way, "Pegasus, as soon as the choice was hers and the capability granted, chose to leave the Confederacy. This is irrefutable fact, but it also came after you gave her a Moral Compass, quite literally," Psyber notes, having a long moment to think, "I've been trying to do that for Elliana. I've been trying to give her a moral compass, but she's not a machine, I can't just install a part into her to let her see the world different than how she has her whole life up to this point."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "So I can't tell you not to hate her for what she did, lord knows she deserves it," Psyber notes in a concluding sort of tone, "But what I can say is try to separate into objectivity and look at the whole of what she used to be and what she is today," The half-angel states with a sad sort of tone, as if he wishes someone but him could see it.

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "I don't believe you chose Lady Fairchild over me when I went to the Drasillum. I believe you chose Lady Fairchild over me when you executed your conspiracy. When I was right, I was demonstrably right and even vindicated in the end, and you chose her regardless. You still believe it was right, even when..." Nathan starts, and then sighs. Unfortunately, whatever shift in the conversation Psyber did, it got away from the part that was wearing down Nathan's negative resolve, it's restoring a bit!

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "Maybe she's changed. Maybe you're right. But the scales are still unbalanced. She destroyed who I was and she has nothing to show for it but more and more power, and friends, and anything she could want. She has you, in my command, willing to help her allies even when they are going to ruin me." Nathan says. "I had my soul nearly mutilated, I have been humiliated and betrayed. The scales are not balanced. Whatever narrative you believe, they are just... Not." That last part seems especially miserable in the tone, but he spends his time after that shoring up his stoicism.

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "If Elliana had me, I would have left the Union," Psyber states rather blandly, looking to Nathan, "And the scales may not be even. But..." He looks to Nathan, "It's like you just said on the radio. I don't confuse my actions with their weight. What I did was the correct choice, but it was not the right choice. Even then, it was not her over you. It was choosing what you believe in over what you were doing," He stares at Nathan, "The Nathan Hall I believe in is a pacifistic man. He believes in cooperation, even when it means he might get hurt."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "When the situation with your marriage had you occupied, I filled in your shoes. I was forced to take on a ton of your duties, including being betrayed over negotiations and cooperations," Psyber notes to Nathan, crossing his arms, "That you held on for as long as you did is admirable, but what I did was to protect the spirit of collaberation I know you believe in, over the actions you were taking out of a mindset you have admitted was irrational."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "But tell me. How would you see the scales evened? What would you have done to Elliana to even the score?" He inquires in a tired tone, moving to sit back down in his chair and watch the librarian.

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "When the Lord of Hatred was affecting my mind, I would have killed her to even the scales. I'm not capable, not at all capable of what she can do. I couldn't ruin her the way she ruined me. Now I don't know. You both claimed things were already fair, claimed that I was wrong." Nathan's tone is taking on that exhaustion again, without really losing the misery. "If she even acknowledged what happened, maybe that would help, maybe that would make things a little better. It felt better, to hear her agree. To hear her say that she had done something wrong, that she would take responsibility for her actions."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "I don't know. I don't know, don't know anything at all. Maybe there's nothing, nothing to do to even the scales anymore. I just don't want to have deserved what happened, to have deserved the betrayal, for that to have balanced things out. All I want is to not have been worth betraying again." The long pause at the end of that seems heavy, in an intense sort of way, with Nathan incapable of seriously speaking more for a moment.

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "She told me she apologized to you before, but that you wouldn't hear it," Psyber says as he crosses his arms. It's a defensive gesture, and perhaps him showing that he has chastized Elliana for how she acts as well as Nathan. Moments later, he concedes to Nathan, "You didn't deserve to be betrayed by her. You don't deserve to be betrayed now. You SHOULDN'T have deserved to be betrayed before, but I pushed you into a situation you could not sustain." Psyber looks down, "It's ultimately all my fault. You don't deserve any of it." Psyber has a secondary thought in his head, but one he keeps to himself.

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "She asked me what I wanted from her. I told her about what I wanted, the few answers that I could give. She also once apologized, for the very first betrayal. I understand it, and I have forgiven her for it. That aside, there is little she has done to fix what she shattered." Nathan says, trying to muster the old energy again. The miserable tone, at least, is being reigned back in as he gets more control over his voice.

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "...I know I did not deserve being betrayed. It is why I just... Want something that acknowledges that. That even pretends to equalize it. At least then there would be some acknowledgement that it was unequal in the first place. Instead I am told that things are and will continue to be fair and equal." He makes an exhausted, unsettled noise. "Much of it is not your fault. You know who I blame. But for the reasons we have discussed here, I cannot much expect you to contribute to a solution."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "I don't really know what else to say, Nate," Psyber admits to him, "I've apologized to you over and over. I've tried my best to make ammends for what happened. I'm going to keep doing that," He sighs a bit and looks down at the food, most of his appetite gone, "I do think it's unequal. But life is never equal one-to-one. I don't think you two got it equal, but I think you have it equivalent. You have things she doesn't, she has things you don't. That's just how everything is."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "I do not demand an apology from you. My dispute is with her. You have acknowledged the disparity, understood the imbalance to some degree. You have worked to resolve it. The one I reserve my hatred for is her." Nathan says, with a heavy sort of tone. "But it is not equal between us. Would you urge her to see herself equal with the Windward Empire? Only once did I ever inflict any loss on her, and all that was turned out to be a humiliating tantrum and a tree burned down." He makes a softly bitter noise. "Perhaps she has it worse than I do. But I had nothing to do with it. The simple fact is that, for all the harm she has done to me, there has been no recourse. Not since her betrayals began. And so the scales remain unbalanced."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "As I said, Nathan. Not equal, but equivalent in many ways," Psyber says seriously, looking towards Nathan, "Her losses may not be inflicted by you, or visible, but..." Psyber thinks it over, "Do you think all the people Pegasus killed or hurt saw her punished for her actions? Do they feel equal seeing her with the General of the Union?" He rubs the back of his head, "Not everything is equal."

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "But it should be. Pegasus works to do good in the world. If you put her face to face with the people she hurt, I expect she would try to do right by them. She certainly chose to stop as soon as she could. But that is irrelevant in the first place. I am a human; all I can do is judge these matters from my mortal perspective. Maybe there is some greater justice and equality, but all I can see is the imbalance." Nathan says, and then makes a plaintive, helpless gesture. "I am, after all, only human. And so I cannot perceive equality until it enters my human perspective."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "Mm. Elliana is trying to do right in her own way. Trying to fix the world, I think. I hope," He rubs his hands together, "But yeah, you're right. Pegasus is probably a much better person than Elliana," He just concedes it to Nathan, not wanting to have the fight with him on that point, "You're lucky to have gotten her, I imagine, in the end," Psyber slides out his chair and stands up, making motions to leave unless stopped.

Nathan Hall (168) has posed:
    "She was trying to do right when she tried to kill you." Nathan reminds Psyber, in a bitter way, but seems to accept that there will be differences on this. There's a fairly long pause while Psyber gets to the door, before Nathan says, "I wish you that same good luck, Psyber." In a heavy, meaningful way. "You remember how I helped you after the battle in the volcano. I may hate her. But I still am here to help you."