948/A Lady for Lute

A Lady for Lute
Date of Scene:	10 November 2014
Location:	Wily's Hidden Lab <WHL>
Synopsis:	Wherein Dr. Wily undertakes the ultimate robotics challenge: Building a girlfriend for Lute.
Cast of Characters:	188, 529

---

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    Doctor Wily's lab is a mess. There is no better way to put it. It goes far beyond even the usual clutter. Parts, plans, flowcharts, blueprints, tools... every step taken shuffles around bits of the rubble. Somebody has been very hard at work in here, it seems, and it was not the cleaning staff.

    The result of this work, perhaps, is evident in a figure draped under a sheet not far from the lab entrance. Is this some new masterpiece? The greatest weapon yet? The tool that will finally ensure Wily's utter dominance of the world? Well, no. Probably not. But whatever it is, he certainly seems pleased with it, and himself, as he waits by his shutter door. Soon it shall be time to unveil it to the world!

    Just as soon as his guest for the evening navigates the maze of hallways and cubicles that is this wing of the research facility, and finds the NOT AT ALL SUSPICIOUS shutter door blazoned with the Dr.W logo, with a skull scrawled on the floor before it.

Lute (188) has posed:
     Lute is really completely unsure why Wily has called him here today. Honestly, though, he knows that Wily likes to build stuff in general. Maybe he wants to see Lute, and make a robot master based on Lute? Yeah. Yeah, that's probably it.

     But, as he arrives at the door to Wily's lab, he doesn't even knock.

     Instead, he tries something, having heard rumors on how the doors work.

     He jumps up slightly, and hopefully the door will open for him as he goes through.

     Or else he's going to make an idiot of himself and crash into the door, letting Wily know he is here.

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    Of course, being a sophisticated, high-tech space segmenting device, the shutter door naturally opens at a mere touch... and even, being apparently designed with safety in mind, wraps the user in a gentle anti-gravity field to prevent any horrible gravity-driven accidents!

    Which means that Dr. Wily gets to see Lute's glorious mid-air high-five door opening happen in slow motion. His smug, self-satisfied grin slips a bit seeing the antics. "... why does that keep happening!? Is it really SO..." This seems like a rant he's gotten used to launching into. This time, however, he catches himself. More important things at hand.

    "So, you must be Lute. Welcome to my laboratory, hopefully you didn't have any trouble finding it." The doctor doesn't wait for an answer before making a 'right this way' gesture and walking over to the sheet-draped figure.

Lute (188) has posed:
     "Actually it was rather hard to--" And then Wily calls Lute over. Lute sighs a little bit. Well, Wily must be one of those people who goes immediately to business. So he's probably a bit of a wet blanket, Lute imagines. He sighs. What could Wily be wanting?

     And then he spots the sheet-draped figure. Huh. What could /this/ be? He lifts a hand, but stops himself. He /really/ wants to grab the sheet off. A sheet-covered object in a laboratory is almost as tempting as pressing the big, red, button.

     But he holds himself back. He is Wily's guest, after all.

     "...Can I pull the sheet off?"

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    Wily holds up a warding finger. "Not yet. You see, Lute, you have something of a... reputation." Uh-oh. That's a lecturing tone right there. May as well settle down and get comfortable.

    Barring any good interruptions, Wily drones on for a little while: "On my world, robotics technology was developed so humans wouldn't be required to continue doing jobs which were considered beneath human dignity, or too difficult for a human to perform efficiently, or simply too dangerous. It's become... something of a challenge, among roboticists, to develop robots which are able and willing to perform more specialized and demanding tasks."

    "Which brings us to you and your situation. If there's one task which I can't imagine any human ever being suitable for... well. Ahem. Behold!" At this point, Wily makes an unmistakable sheet-throwing motion. And just to be sure, "(NOW you can remove the sheet.)"

Lute (188) has posed:
     Lute, thank god for Wily, is too dumb to pick up what he's laying down, and the massive layers of insults that are being sent at him. His other personality, currently silent and sort of nodding to itself, within the realm of Lute's head. Lute of course is unaware of his smarter half doing this.

     "...I'm not sure what situation you mean, but. Well, as long as I get to pull the sheet, I'll probably be happy."

     It of course takes Wily actuall whispering to pull the sheet for Lute to actually grab it, and pull it off, in one swift motion. He is good at pulling off sheets! He's practiced that for trying to do the pull-a-sheet-off-a-table thing.

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    "BEHOLD! My most brilliant creation yet!" Wily, of course, couldn't remove the sheet because he was too busy pointing to the Greatest Thing Ever being unveiled as the sheet is whisked off.

    Of course, mileage may vary. Some could argue that this is, after all, something that has already been done... at first glance, it just looks like a more-or-less human-shaped robot? Wily's really proud of... this?

    After a pause for shock, amazement, and applause, none of which are likely forthcoming, a brief explanation is offered. "After the... unfortunate... dating incidents that I keep hearing about over the radio, it seems like the world needed... VANILLA WOMAN!"

    The robot, to its credit, seems to awaken and pose dramatically as the name is announced!

Lute (188) has posed:
     Lute looks at Vanilla Woman. Honestly? He's incredibly surprised. Wily went so far out of his way, just to make Lute a woman? Lute pauses, in shock. The fact that Wily would do this, go /so far/ to make Lute a woman, is incredibly touching. And even Lute admits, the recent dating incidents have been pretty pathetic.

     And so, he looks at her. Not taking his eyes off her for a moment. Her proportions are... fairly normal. But plenty fine, for Lute. He smiles.

     "You... You really made me my own robotic girlfriend?"

     He bursts into tears, and moves to hug Wily.

     "I've never felt so happy! You really went out of your way for me!"

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    "But of course! Designing a robot suitable for such a task - this has been one of the greatest challenges of my career!" The worst part is, Wily doesn't even sound like he's trying to be insulting - there is legitimate pride in his voice. This was a serious accomplishment to him.

    Vanilla Woman, on the other hand... the poor robot has not been properly prepared. "Oh, I'm sure it can't be as bad as that!" With a warm smile at Lute, she extends a hand. Apparently Wily gave her a pair of those - already a better start than some of his creations got. "I'm sure it will be very nice to get to know you!"

    Connecting to local wireless...
    Connected.
    Public database query: 'Lute'.
    Connection lost. Retry?
    Reconnecting...

Lute (188) has posed:
     Lute, again, doesn't really get that Wily is trying to insult him, and is too interested in the robot to get it. But, he does smile, talking to Wily. "Again, Wily, thank you. You really /are/ the world's greatest genius."

     And Vanilla Woman offers a hand. Lute takes it, smiling.

     "Yeah, babe, it'll be /great/ to get to know you. You are one of the most attractive women I've seen all day."

     And even though he just met her he, of course, moves in to give her a passionate lovely kiss. Yeah, he doesn't mind if it's in front of Wily or not.

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    "Hahaheheheha! But of /course/ I am!" Recognition at last! Of course, that doesn't mean Wily's work here is done. While he does back off to give the prospective new couple some space, he pulls a clipboard from somewhere and starts to take notes. Perfectly normal notes. Regarding robot performance and behavior. Because quality assurance matters.

    Vanilla Woman apparently got the modesty that her creator lacked? "Well, I wouldn't call him the /greatest/ genius, I can't be that special!" Also, apparently she can blush. Attention to detail! This particular design feature presents itself at what should have been a concerning compliment. "Oh! Well, thank you, that's very nice to hear! I was actually based on several composi MMPH!"

    That would be about where Lute's kiss catches Vanilla off guard, and sliiightly impedes her speech. Somehow. Her eyes widen and her arms flail a bit in shock and surprise. She doesn't wrench herself free but she's sure /trying/ to pull back as subtly as possible.

    General fault in module prs_Modesty, reloading.
    Flushing responses...
    Flushing responses...
    Reload completed.

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    Future historians may be interested to know that yes, Vanilla Woman does seem to live up to her name.

Lute (188) has posed:
     Lute, of course, doesn't quite notice the struggling. Or at least, not at first. Once he does notice, he pulls off, assuming that Dr. Wily programmed in a 'shy and meek' subroutine. Or something like that. He really doesn't understand programming.

     Lute smiles, looking at Wily. "Awww, you programmed her humble. She's so cute! And she feels so real! It's amazing what you can do with robotics! ...Though why was she flailing a bit? Just shy?"

     A smile at her. "Well... Either way. Even if you're shy, Vanilla Woman, it's quite a pleasure to meet you. You know this already I'm sure, but I'm Lute, and it's going to be /great/ dating you."

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    Wily's juuuust gonna stay out of this. Though his eyebrows aren't - one arches dramatically in disbelief. Somewhere overhead, something pings off the blade of a fan.

    "I... that... m-maybe we should... get to know each other first?" Lacking a full mission profile, Vanilla Woman isn't quite aware that this is her life now; as such, this is kind of a shocking situation, and she's understandably flustered. Don't worry, rage against the creator is somewhere in there, waiting to be accessed.

    For now, though, it seems Vanilla's able to keep herself together and stick with the program? "I'm... sure that will be... lovely." Not entirely convinced, but...

Lute (188) has posed:
     The confusion of the Robot Mistress causes Lute to blink a bit. Huh, /that/ must be Wily's plan, certainly. He /did/ mention Lute was failing at dating, so a robot that is programmed to help him date, and fall in love with him, should be good practice!

     Lute does not at Vanilla Woman, rubbing his chin in thought. "Yeah, we probably should get to know eachother more. We'll go on a date! Maybe attack the Union or something? Yeah, that could be fun. Though let's start getting to know eachother now! What sort of things do you like? How hot do you think I am? While we're dating do you wanna move in with me? Man, my wife will think you're awesome."

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    ... damn, that /is/ a good plan. Pity Wily himself never thought of that...

    "Attack the Union? Why would we..."

    Accessing subroutine: villainy.

    "Oh, yes. Of course, that could be fun! We can... I don't know, break some windows or something!" Well, that's... a start? Close enough? Well, if Vanilla Woman is bad at being a bad guy, that's probably the smallest problem a Wily 'bot can have...

    Bigger problem? "... your WIFE!? What!? WHAT!? You're MARRIED!?"

    Override wireless access filters? Y_
    Public database query: 'Lute'.
    Accessing...
    Reading module prs_Rage
    System override.
    Flushing response...

Lute (188) has posed:
     Well, at least she is up for the evil! Albeit a bit weak on the evil. He just smiles, shaking his head. "Nah, we'll pull a bigger scheme than breaking windows. That's good, but that isn't enough to start. Though... If we wanted to, we could break /all/ of their windows, all at once, with a sonic boom, or something like that! ...Or maybe we could just rob a bank."

     And suddenly the rage at marriage. Lute just blinks, and glances at Wily. The look he gives is basically just sort of questioning, sort of as if he wants to ask, 'Is she meant to be pissed about that?'

     But he turns, and looks at her again, and explains, shrugging.

     "Yeah, I'm married. My wife, Harp, is fairly nice. We have an understanding. It's just an open marriage, so we're allowed to date others. No big deal, right?"

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    Accessing: puppies.wmv

    "... oh... kay. That makes... sense? I can, I can live with that." Vanilla Woman is still not sounding entirely sure, but at least the rage is subsiding? There are /some/ safeguards in place, at least.

    And when she gets back on topic she perks up a bit, too! "Ooh, ooh, or a museum? We could... we could rob a museum /for/ windows - which we break! - next to a bank!" That's right, try to be evil, try your hardest, poor doomed little robot.

Lute (188) has posed:
     Lute nods. Well, at least she is beginning to understand. "Yeah, so, don't worry about my wife. She might want to date you, too! Plus I assume you'd be fine with an open relationship anyways. I mean, hey, why not? ...Though I assume you're programmed to love only me, or something? But either way, well, I'm still going to keep this relationship open. Though maybe one day you could be my second wife?"

     He ponders this a bit. And he ponders the theft idea. Really, what should they do for their first major heist?

     "...How about we rob a beach, or a beach museum? At the least, something on the beach. That way we'll have an excuse to put you in a bikini, right? Hrm, I cna picture it now..."

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    "I... that... wait, programmed to l--" Oh, that's trouble. Vanilla spares Wily a brief glare which should confirm to anyone curious that, yes, she IS a Three Laws robot because if she weren't there would now be a body count...

    "Let's... slow down a little. We're... we're not even dating yet!" Scandalized! Shocked! Questioning her purpose! Vanilla Woman is starting to crack already, but it's well hidden? Confusion helps to hide the crisis of faith, though...

    "... what... what would we even /take/ from a beach? Sand? -- HEY! You can /stop/ picturing it right now!"

Lute (188) has posed:
     And then Lute turns to Wily. There... seems to be something going wrong? Or maybe he misunderstood. Maybe this woman was built to be Lute's mortal enemy. Possibly at least? He doesn't know. And this is why he is addressing Wily.

     "...Wait, dude. am I wrong on the assumption? I thought that was what she was made for. I mean, she's assuming we're not even dating already, though I thought that was the point? Plus she's unwilling to wear a bikini? She won't even offer a one piece or similar instead?"

     He sighs, "Well.. If she can learn, though, I /guess/ she'll work. I mean, she is hot, and she was just born today I guess? So I'm almost certain she'll learn to love me pretty fast."

     It's probably not a good idea that he's talking right in front of her, as if she wasn't here. Women... don't really like that.

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    Wily himself isn't entirely sure what's going wrong either. He's starting to understand why this was such a terrible idea, though... "I'm not in the habit of building mindless slaves." (That's what assembly lines are for, right?) "I tried to design a personality that could /tolerate/ you long enough to become attached. I may not have given her enough repression subroutines for that..." A pen is tapped absently against the clipboard as the doctor mulls over the design puzzle a little.

    "I... you... you're SERIOUS!? You built me JUST to date HIM!?" Oops. Vanilla's not so happy about this revelation... in fact, ladies and gentlemen, it sounds like we might actually get a demonstration of her trademark robot mistress weapon before much longer!

    Accessing: puppies.wmv
    Accessing: happykitten.wmv
    SYSTEM ERROR: A fault has occurred.
    Accessing: porcupinewithpumpkin.wmv

    And then she whirls around to Lute. "And YOU! ... you're LUCKY I'm in a /forgiving/ mood!" Oh boy. Now she IS mad, isn't she. "How I LOOK isn't the point, and if you can't figure THAT out then..."

    Accessing: cutestbabyanimals.wmv
    File corrupted.
    SYSTEM ERROR: A fau4t has occurr<d.

Lute (188) has posed:
     Lute has, finally, figured it out. She has a personality. Built to tolerate him. But something is wrong. And he knows what.

     He places his hands on her shoulders, and looks at her, calmly and understandingly.

     "Don't worry, I get what's wrong."

     "You're programmed to have that time of the month, and it's that time."

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    After seven fortresses, castles, and assorted strongholds, Doctor Albert Wily, perennial global conquest silver medallist, has developed a certain finely-honed instinct. A kind of sixth sense for certain things. Right now, that sense is screaming, quite loudly and clearly, and he's learned not to ignore that. And so, before Lute has even finished speaking, the doctor's clipboard is in the air, and its bearer is /running/ for a convenient blast shield - of course the lab has a few.

    Accessing: everypuppyever.wmv
    File corrupted.
    SYSTEM WARNING: Repression routines failing.
    ReY8i<4Al:zing...
    F4ilXd.

    "That. Time. OF THE. MOOOOONTH!?" It is very, /very/ fortunate that Vanilla Woman was build with genuine hands, as both are presently driving toward Lute's throat, propelled by sheer fury. The robot mistress is /probably/ wishing she had drills instead. Best of a bad situation, though.

    The air is also beginning to fill with a smell of burning vanilla. Possibly related to faint wisps of smoke starting to rise from Vanilla's joints and head.

Lute (188) has posed:
     And Lute is being strangled. Man and he thought she was three laws compliant! Apparently even the three laws have limits. Being strangled, though, it is /incredibly/ hard for him to even say anything to defend himself, or try to calm her down. And even then, it'd be hard to calm her down, cause she is so mad that she's steaming! ...Wait, is she steaming?

     Oh god she's going to release a vanilla attack isn't she.

     And so, Lute does the best thing he can think of to get away. He tries to push himself away. Sadly where he ends up pushing is her chest, so. This is going to only get worse.

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    Well, the good news is that it would be rather difficult for Vanilla Woman to be any more enraged... she's giving it her very best try, though! If she had been purpose-built for combat, she'd probably be breaking bones by now. Certainly, the casing on her own hands is starting to crack from the stress of her attempted strangulation.

    SY48uo 6Rr[%
    %]hE78m h*F0[b rUe
    FILE CORRUPTED
    FILE CORRUPTED
    FILE CORRUPTED

    It sounds like Vanilla is trying to scream something. It is impossible to tell what - only a garbled assortment of random phonemes comes out. She has, it seems, forgotten language. Luckily for Lute, she's also forgotten anything she may have known about killing all humans? Almost as soon as his hands reach her chest, she attempts to fling him as far as her grip on his throat will allow - which admittedly isn't very. Which is for the best. However, that smoke is thickening, and sparks are starting to fly. She's even picked up a series of twitches... maybe the real danger now is less the attack, and more the obviously impending meltdown?

Lute (188) has posed:
     "Is she going to blow up?"

     "She's going to blow up."

     Lute rapidly takes action.

     He throws the sheet back over her. Maybe it will trick her into thinking it is night!

     Of course noting that she isn't a parrot, this is going to go poorly.

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    Maybe sheets are Vanilla Woman's contractually mandated elemental weakness! Maybe the sheet was actually a micro-fiber high-durability blast shield cloth! This could be a perfectly reasonable plan!

    Or not.

    To start with, the sparks manage to catch the sheet on fire fairly quickly... and the increasingly violent twitching risks shaking it off as well.

    Hence, the blanket offers poor Lute little protection as at last Vanilla Woman's systems can withstand no more strain, and lose containment. One can only hope that he can outrun the inevitable horrible blast, as the robot's outer casing cracks, inner components pop, and even more smoke rises, until finally...

    A high-pitched whine and a bright flash mark the final failure of Wily's latest creation, which proceeds to detonate in a horrible devastating blast of...

    ... intensely vanilla-scented oddly clingy mist?

    It seems that for once, Wily built something to fail /safe/, as pieces falling to the floor around the now broken husk of a robot suggests this is as 'up' as she's going to blow.

Lute (188) has posed:
     The intense smell of vanilla is so bad that Lute grabs at his throat, trying to loosen it up so he can breath. He collapses to his knees, wincing in pain, trying not to faint due to the TERRIBLE VANILLA SCENT. It is all he can do, in fact, to get out his radio, and try to call for emergency help. He /absolutely/ needs help.

     "--can't... can't breath! Too much.... Too much vanilla scent! I need emergency medical help for vanilla lungs!"

     He's clawing around now, trying to find a spot he can breath.

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    Interestingly, while a blast shield may protect from, well, explosive blasts... it won't do much for vanilla miasma... even Wily finds himself in jeopardy as the cloud spreads!

    "Emergency protocols! *hk hk* Decontamination... *cough!* Level 3 emergency!"

    That's not a good sign. Apparently, 'level 3 emergency' is code for 'kill it with fire'.

    At least the small bunsen burners scattered around the lab ignite most of the miasma quickly enough when they trigger?

    Of course, even after it all burns off in a flashy but harmless fireball, the air /still/ reeks of vanilla...

Lute (188) has posed:
     As the burning dissipates the smell, Lute finally stands up. It still /really/ reeks, but a lot less painful. Still, he probably could of survived, but he sighs, then coughs, then looks at Wily.

     "...Well. Urm. Thanks for the effort, but I guess it didn't work. I guess making a woman who could realistically fall for me is too hard even for you. I'm just glad most women can't explode like that...."

     He just stares though. This whole thing is pretty overwhelming.

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    Now that the eminent threat, vanilla miasma, and defensive fireball have all dissipated, Wily crawls cautiously out from behind the blast shield, and finds his clipboard - singed, but somehow not quite /destroyed/.

    "Well, that... could have gone better, I admit. But it's no reason to give up! It's rare to get a design exactly right on the first try... don't worry! I'm not ready to admit defeat - I'll prove my true genius yet! Hah hah ha!"

    After a quick look around, and a somewhat labored breath, Wily adds in a somewhat less enthusiastic tone, "... but I don't think we'll test the next one in my lab..."

Lute (188) has posed:
     Lute... nods at that.

     "Yeah, we'll test the next one at a place where, like, if it explodes, it'll hurt something we don't care about, like the Union."

     A pause.

     "...Anyways, I'm going to go get a beer? Wanna come with?"

Dr. Wily (529) has posed:
    "Of course! Turn a bug into a feature, all that." Wily's obviously fishing to try to make himself look better after such a failed test.

    ... but not /that/ much better. The offer of beer is met with, "... I, uh... no. I'll need to get to work on the next revision." Nope, nope, Wily is NOT going to be the rebound. Not here, not tonight, not gonna happen. As he moves to push Lute toward the door, he hands him... a large bolt? Well, it's money /somewhere/. "But here, the first one is on me. For all the trouble you've had today."

Lute (188) has posed:
     Lute takes the large bolt, and stares at it.

     "...Thanks! I'll try not to spend it all at one place."

     Lute walks out the door. Wily is reminding him more and more of a senile grandmother.