3162/Aftermaths

Aftermaths
Date of Scene:	04 October 2015
Location:	Tomoeda-865
Synopsis:	"There's blood on your hands now, but only you get to decide if there's blood on your soul."
Cast of Characters:	162, 165, 172, Tomoyo Daidouji

---

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    It is, in technical terms, the morning after.
    The calendars all read Sunday 4th, but given time zone differences and subtle world differences, who can really say?

    For that matter, who can say what happened after everyone returned home to Tomoeda safe and intact after the ordeal?

    Well, for Ren, at least, he probably went to find somewhere with a good, solid discarded newspaper and a pavement that wasn't wet or anything, but the less said about that the better. And the less said about the nightmares the better, as well.

    But some things have to be done...
    Some things have to be done.

    So it is that regardless of how much sleep he did or didn't get, several people drift together on Sunday morning, reluctant or otherwise, full of things they need to do and to say.

Sakura Kinomoto (172) has posed:
Tsukimine Shrine
Tomoeda
Saitama
Japan-865

    A girl stands in the courtyard. She's not wearing anything particularly spectacular - pale pink top and jeans. Her hair isn't tied up, just hanging down to her ears. From her right hand hangs her Key of Stars, just dangling by its chain.

    She's just... staring up at the tree within the central area of the shrine. She's been standing there for some time, now...

Zephyr Windstar (162) has posed:
    Friends in need.

    That's what Zephyr had been told by Divine Wind after she had showered and gotten dressed again. So that's the big ruckas the other night. Zephyr makes her way through the gate network, traveling the well known path to Sakura's world.

    Divine Wind does an Area Search, more a simple magical 'sonar' ping, and directs the Mage towards the largest magical presence in the area. Gotta be Sakura, right? The duo approach the shrine with reverence, and it seems Marchian culture reflects some Japanese, as the Mage makes the expected offering before entering the shrine area.

    Wordlessly, the older mage approaches the younger, just stepping up beside her and looking up at the tree as well.

    Sometimes. Sometimes just being there can be enough.

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
Ren Tanaka ... doesn't go over to her. At least, not right away. He's standing some distance away. He can see her, and she can see him, but the distance... can't exactly be crossed. Someone else is going to have to do something about it, because he's not looking at her or anything, he's just... sat down, hands wrung together...

    So scared that he doesn't feel he has the right to come closer.

Tomoyo Daidouji has posed:
    A black car pulls up outside the shrine, Tomoyo emerging from it. Her four bodyguards accompany her, all of them sticking close as she makes her way towards the door to the Castle of Stars. Today, she's wearing a cream shoulderless t-shirt, along with a pair of knee-length purple shorts with tribal designs in black up the right leg. Her shoes are simple black slip-ons with white ankle socks and she wears a string of sea-green pearls around her neck. Clutched in her hands is a cardboard box, held together with strings.

    "Ladies, you really don't have to come along," she says. The four suited women remain reticent, one breaking the silence after a pregnant pause. "Miss Daidouji was very insistent. We are not to let you out of our sight. This is our wish too." The young tailor lets out a small sigh. She really worried them all...

    But, there's someone she is worried about too, and there she is. Just standing there with Zephyr, looking up at the tree. "Sakura, Zephyr!" she calls out, jogging over to stand just behind the two mages, squeezing her hands tighter around the string that holds up the box.

    "It's good to see you both," she says, trying to inject some cheeriness into the atmosphere. Though her tone is clearly forced. She catches sight of Ren in the distance and blinks. Why is he just lurking there?

Sakura Kinomoto (172) has posed:
    As Zephyr comes up behind her, Sakura doesn't look at her. She just keeps looking at the tree. "...You know, I've never really been all that... devout or anything. I'll go to festivals and donate to the shrine sometimes, but I don't think about the kami that much in daily life. And don't get me started on the Buddhist stuff..."

    She then turns, and gives Zephyr her brightest, warmest smile. And it may suddenly strike Zephyr and Tomoyo that she is VERY GOOD at faking that smile. "Hi, Zephyr." And then Tomoyo is there. She falters a bit - then hugs the girl tightly.

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    And again it comes, that stone in your chest, that feeling of sadness that you can never lie about. Ren sits there, watching Zephyr and Sakura and Tomoyo, and this is the time, you've been here before, haven't you? You watch them unite with the people that really matters to them and you put your hands in your pockets and you stand up and you walk out of town and you never come back and you never see any of them ever again.

    Because your purpose here is fulfilled, right?

But for the first time, he doesn't want to go.

    Ren shifts, and puts his hands in his pockets, and stands up.

    Someone's going to have to say something.

Zephyr Windstar (162) has posed:
    Zephyr looks over her shoulder as Tomoyo approaches, then looks back to Sakura. "I'm not devout either." she offers, waiting for the two friends for a moment. "I offer prayer to the Saints when I go into battle, but..." she trails off, and chuckles.

    She does figure that the girl is good at hiding her true feelings. She's blunt, not stupid, after all. She can't do such herself, her heart is worn permanently on her sleeve, so to speak.

    Over to Ren she then looks, and calls out. "Oi! Y'gonna sit there lookin' glum or some over?"

Tomoyo Daidouji has posed:
    Tomoyo arrives just in time to catch the tail end of what Sakura was saying. Despite it all, she can't help but smile. She can tell why she doesn't think about that stuff, because it brings to mind ghosts and spirits.

    ... as well as death and the afterlife.

    Tomoyo stumbles back a little from the sudden hug, her hand subtly passing the box back to one of her bodyguards before wrapping her arms around the other girl. "It's okay Sakura. I'm fine, really. Thanks to you and Ren, the worst I got was a cut on my head!" She considers brushing a lock of her hair aside to reveal the stitches, but that might not exactly make things better.

    "That's part of why I came. I wanted to thank you... but Oka said you weren't doing so well. Is everything all right?"

Sakura Kinomoto (172) has posed:
    All of Sakura's attention is focused on Tomoyo now. She doesn't want to think about anything else right now. So, of course, Tomoyo has to ask her if everything's all right.

    Sakura flinches a bit, then steps back. "...I'll be... fine," she says, after a few moments. That's not really an answer!

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    "Did a little bit of a prayer before things yesterday," Ren says, trying to make the words as light as possible when they're coming from a tongue that feels so thick. "Little bit."

    Zephyr pulled him over with her words, if not her actions, and so now he's close enough for everyone to see the tiredness and despair and fear on his face, perhaps worn more clearly than any of them because it's been so long and it's so hard to cover it up and his face has always been turned away from people before when it happens.

    "Is... it really alright for me to be here?" he asks.

    Sakura says she'll be fine. "...maybe... in time, you will. Maybe we will... but I think... I think it'd help if we talk about a few things to help it happen."

Zephyr Windstar (162) has posed:
    Zephyr is the 'odd one out' here. She wasn't there, so she can't really say anything about it. However, she's been through this kind of trauma before... more than once.

    She remains quiet after pulling Ren over with her grapple line of words. The Mage will be a sounding board if needs be, otherwise a (hopefully) comforting presense.

Tomoyo Daidouji has posed:
    The corners of Tomoyo's mouth curl down ever so slightly as Sakura avoids the question. She pulls back from the hug, just a bit, and unwraps her arms to place her hands on Sakura's shoulders, looking her dead in the eyes.

    "That wasn't what I asked. I asked if you /are/ okay, not if you /will/ be okay." It's a much different voice than what Sakura might be useful. Not the soft, pleasant tone, nor the lyrical notes that make her the best of the school choir. This is the quietly professional voice she uses in her dealings at work, the voice that convinces others that she's not some silly 16-year-old girl.

    Over the other girl's shoulder, she looks at Ren and just nods before looking back. "He's right, we should talk about it. All of us are here because we're worried about you Sakura. Please, don't try to brush it off or pretend it didn't happen. Talk to us."

Sakura Kinomoto (172) has posed:
    Sakura is suddenly rather animated. "Why would you be worried about me? You're the one who almost died! Because of that... bastard who..." She cuts herself off. "If Ren hadn't been there..."

    She then looks up at Ren. "I think you've been here long enough that it's okay for you to be here by now." What is that meant to mean? She has kind of a flat expression when she says it.

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
Ren Tanaka isn't entirely sure where he himself is meant to be in this... complicated, tangled situation. Looking at this, he knows that this is Sakura's- that this is a situation where we all need to be here for her. It's not his moment.

    So, like an idiot, he goes ahead and does exactly the opposite.

    "Should have been me," he says.

"Should have- should have been the one to do it, instead. Not just now, the other time too, should have- should have been faster, smarter. Better."

Zephyr Windstar (162) has posed:
    "But y'weren't. That's okay, cuz it came out right in th'end." offers Zephyr softly. She looks at Ren, pointedly. "You're not gonna be able to protect everyone... I figured that out th'hard way." she then shrugs, folding her arms over her chest. "Y'just hafta do what y'can, as best y'can."

Tomoyo Daidouji has posed:
    Tomoyo shakes her head. "Sakura... you killed someone." Raw, unflinching fact, just cutting through the air like a knife. "You've trained under an assassin, but this is the first time you've taken the life of someone. It's... it's something that should never be done."

    Looking back to Ren, she shakes her head insistently. "No, no one /should/ have done it. But it happened anyway, so now we need to deal with it." Looking to Zephyr, she nods with approval. "That's right. We all just have to do our best. Not just in... matters like that, but dealing with the aftermath."

    Eyes back on Sakura, she peers at the girl with concern. "Talk to us. Why did you do it? What was going through your head?

Sakura Kinomoto (172) has posed:
    Sakura stares at Ren for a few moments. Just -stares- at him.

    Then she goes back to Tomoyo as if nothing happened. Which is probably -worse- than just being chastised...

    "That... person. He... He was a monster. He tried to KILL you. I got so... so angry, I just..."

    She looks down. She's crying now. "There were so many things I could have done. I could have just... put him to sleep or knocked him out, or... B-but I... I wanted him dead... I -wanted- to kill him."

Zephyr Windstar (162) has posed:
    "You wanted to kill him because you knew, deep down, that if he were left alive, he'd find a way of hurting you back." says Zephyr, placing a hand on the younger mage's shoulder. "You removed a threat to those you love. It's hard, I know, but I want to think you did the right thing." She offers a gentle squeeze of that shoulder. "I never encountered Jack Slash, but the reports paint him as someone who would find a way to strike back out of pure spite."

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    Proving that he has common sense, Ren does not say 'well, if you had to kill someone, Jack would be pretty high on the list'. And, proving something else, he also doesn't think it.

    Ren knows what Zephyr is saying is true. The common sense factor does an awful lot to break through the mire of thoughts to the contrary he's been in. In fact, it sparks a thought that he can file away and follow up on later.

    He meets Sakura's stare head on, because he's not fool enough to do anything less, and in the face that's looking back there is... ...the face of someone older, all that implies, and all the misguided intent behind it.

    And he listens to Sakura speak, and something sparks in his brain.

    He did, after all, spend a lot of time...

    "I think," he says slowly, trying to put the thought together. "I think that in a way, Jack wanted that."

    "Jack Slash is... was, rather, a mass of sharp, bristling insanity. Madness and despair and the need to ... make everything and everyone as dark as he was. Thought everything was. All wrapped up in that infuriating little veneer of civility. That's what he was trying to do to Tomoyo."

    "He probably would settle for doing it to you."

Tomoyo Daidouji has posed:
    "Oh Sakura..."

    Fishing into the pockets of her shorts, Tomoyo produces a handkerchief which she offers to the other girl to dry her tears. "Jack was... a deeply hideous man. I'm sure you're not the only person who wanted to kill him." She looks aside a little awkwardly and sighs. "To be honest? Even if we did manage to spare him, he might have had an 'accident' while imprisoned. He had built up so much hate against himself..." She sighs again, and looks to Zephyr. "She's right. He was a threat, literally a threat to the whole world. If left alive, he would have tried to get out. I don't know if this is 'for the best,' but it's certainly not the worst outcome."

    "You've been training under an assassin, so you've probably wondered how it feels to take a life for a while. I bet you've decided it doesn't feel good at all." And here, Tomoyo smiles. "So that's why you are a good person, even in spite of what you've done. A bad person wouldn't be so upset over what they've done."

    She glances at Ren and nods, her hands move down to squeeze Sakura's wrists. "There's blood on your hands now, but only you get to decide if there's blood on your soul. Only you get to decide if you're as bad as he was. You can decide to never take a life again, or decide that sometimes it's necessary. Either way, you have friends like us to support you, no matter what you decide. I would stick with you Sakura, no matter what!" That little smile grows even wider.

Sakura Kinomoto (172) has posed:
    Sakura accepts the handkerchief. She just holds it for a few moments before reaching up to dry her tears away. "...I don't know what to say," she says after a while. "I don't know what to do. I... I don't know how to make everything better..."

    "I feel... so..." She swallows. "...This was all a mistake. This shouldn't have happened. We... we were meant to go on just living our idyllic lives without all... this..." Sakura remembers her visions. Of a future that will never happen.

    This might help explain why Sakura has been so... dark for so long, really.

Zephyr Windstar (162) has posed:
    Zephyr remains close, her hand remaining on the girls shoulder as she whimpers softly.

    The older mage leans in, gently easing Tomoyo aside just a bit to look into Sakura's eyes. Lifting the girls chin if need be. "This path leads dark." she says softly. "Don't become the monster They fear you are." Divine Wind helpfully points out who Zephyr means by 'They', with a hologram of the Purple Pentacle symbol. "You are Sakura Kinomoto." she then smiles. "And you're my friend. Nothing will change those two things."

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    "I'd believe it," Ren replies. He wants to... find a tree to lean against, or something, but he feels like if he moves away even a little he couldn't stop. "'It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are, Mr. Frodo...'"

    "'But it's only a passing thing, this shadow. In the end, even darkness must pass'. Take it from someone who... from someone who knows the whole ... day-night thing... Night caste."

    "We'll walk with you into the light no matter what."

Tomoyo Daidouji has posed:
    Tomoyo actually frowns deeply, but she does indeed step aside to let Zephyr say her bit. "That's right... be the person that everyone knows you can be. Kero, Yue, Syaoran, Eriol... and us too, of course. We all know you're the one who is meant to have these powers. The one who can handle them, and use them responsibly. So show us, and show them."

    Ren's words get a nod from the girl, even if the source goes over her head. "Ren is right. When you're down, it really feels like things will always be this way... I got like that a lot when you were gone. But eventually, you'll look back and wonder what you were so sad about."

    She takes a deep breath now, musing over what Sakura had said. "Things might not be happening exactly as you envisioned them... maybe Unification has exposed us to horrible things we might have never experienced. But it has also offered us much greater opportunities, to meet so many new people, see amazing things... I really don't think I would own a store if it weren't for the Multiverse."

    She steps close again now, rubbing Sakura's back comfortingly. "Maybe it won't be the happiness you thought we would have, and maybe it won't be so easy to reach. But I think we can all be happy in the Multiverse, if we try."

Sakura Kinomoto (172) has posed:
    Sakura is silent for a few long moments.

    "I had children," she says after a while. "Or I... was... going to have had children. A boy and a girl. Twins. They were... They took after us. Me and Syaoran. You know? I was teaching them..."

    She trails off. "I... I can't... see them anymore."

Zephyr Windstar (162) has posed:
    "Just because you can't see something, doesn't mean it isn't still there." says Zephyr. She doesn't buy into all this precognition stuff. To her, destiny is what you make it.

Tomoyo Daidouji has posed:
    Tomoyo gasps, hand coming up to cover her mouth in shock. "Oh Sakura..." She's honestly never thought about it, but having precognition would grant you a lot of security if it shows you a pleasant future. But if it were suddenly taken away...

    "You must have been so scared..." she murmurs, eyes downcast. How could she have not realized this? But, Zephyr is blunt and to the point, something that Tomoyo can agree with. "S-She's right! I know it must be awful, suddenly feeling so adrift and uncertain. But I've seen how deeply you and Syaoran care for each other. There's no way you won't be together in the future, no chance that you won't have children."

    She moves close to the Cardcaptor, arm around her shoulders to pull her closer. "It'll be all right..."

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    There is a part of him which struggles to try and make a statement with some levity in it, the part which is only now thinking of the 'well if you had to kill someone' statement five minutes too late, and it's also thinking about something about how one of the advantages of the multiverse is that precognition typically isn't infallible.

    Again though he shoves it down.

    "We are the people," he says, again slowly. "Who make fate impossible to predict.

    Just because we make it so that a bad future forseen isn't necessarily going to be true, it... just because you aren't forseeing a good future, doesn't mean you aren't going to have that good future either. We make it so that nothing is certain, even the things that are absent now. Is... am I making sense?"

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
Ren Tanaka perks up. "Or to put it another way, 'Nothing is true everything is permitted'. Am I right?"

Sakura Kinomoto (172) has posed:
    Sakura exhales slowly. "...Man, I thought I'd gotten over this..." she mutters to herself. There's a long pause, then she peers at Ren. "...I... I guess that is what that means, huh..." She chews on her lip a little bit.

    "I still see futures now. But they're not as distinct anymore. And they -change- sometimes. So I..." She shrugs her shoulders. "...We should... find somewhere to sit down or something." She seems to be... cheering up? A little? Maybe?

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
"Yeah, let's," Ren agrees. "I-- because I don't want to take anything away from you, Sakura, but I sort of... I want to say a few things myself, as well, I suppose. I don't want to -" He looks at Tomoyo a second. "I'm gonna say a few things."

    A park bench is the perfect place for revelations such as these! Not exactly like this is a 'sit down or else you'll fall down' thing, but.

    "Hello."

    "I'm the Traveller. I'm a Solar Exalted. I'm from the Linowan nations in the world of Creation. I'm four hundred and twenty years old, and I've been wandering around the worlds on my own for a very long time."

    "I had some very bad nightmares last night, and I was rather put out of place by them, and ... other things, there are lots of other things, and I sort of want to talk about them."

Tomoyo Daidouji has posed:
    "That just means it's not set in stone. Which means we can make everything you once saw happen, and more!" Tomoyo's voice is full of vigour and optimism, and doesn't seem forced at all. She really does believe that it can happen.

    Is she naive, or just faithful? Only time will tell.

    The relief she feels as Sakura seems to be calming is palpable, as she takes back that box she slipped to her bodyguard. "I made some cake to share!" She holds it up and undoes the string, lifting the lid to reveal a three-tiered sponge cake with fresh whipped cream, sliced strawberries and grated dark chocolate.

    As the quartet sits, she takes the knife that was in the box and starts cutting slices for everyone, offering them with a napkin to hold it in. "... you made that report, about how you didn't want us to talk about it," she says to Ren, tilting her head. "Why?"

Sakura Kinomoto (172) has posed:
    Sakura peers at Ren for a few moments. "...You really remind me of someone Yunomi sometimes talks about," she says after a few moments, then shakes her head. "Next you're gonna tell us you have a time travelling phone box..." Sakura has been in the Multiverse for a -very long time-.

    And then there's cake. Sakura is soon eating cake. "So. What's wrong?" Level voiced. As if she wasn't just having a mental breakdown.

Zephyr Windstar (162) has posed:
    Zephyr sits down on the ground near the bench. Cross legged. She seems to prefer the ground for sitting, maybe due to the last few times, she ended up falling off her chair, or backwards as it tipped over.

    She accepts the cake readily enough, and silently nibbles on it as the others talk.

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    
    "Why would I need a phone box? You can walk to another place in time on foot around here..." he replies, missing the point.

    "Because that's sort of how one lives one's life when you're a drifter," he replies. "Because... old habits are hard to kick, and because the less people know about you the less likely it is they'll go following behind you when you just walk out of their lives."

    "Which is sort of what I was planning to do, because..."

    And this is where he starts rambling. He talks about more than a few things, and it's hard to stop once he starts- about how yes, a really big part of him was wanting to just walk away, and that's why he was so far from them to start off with, how he's torn between that compulsive need to be a blithe spirit contrasted with his need to be- and he's being very specific when he says it- 'the golden man', the hero, the /only/ hero who should be doing everything and protecting everyone from everything, not because he needs the adulation but because the compulsion for Greatness is there in his souls.

It should be clear that such paradoxical desires, especially given what they've just experienced, are a terrible feeling.

    Depending on how deep he gets, he talks about his nightmares.

Zephyr Windstar (162) has posed:
    Zephyr listens to Ren speak. She was like that too, once. Mercenary, drifting from place to place, no cause to follow, but finding the next thing to do.

    Then the Multiverse happened.

    She was late to the party, a random teleport dropped her on a world that was a hive of Multiversal activity. She was tired, hungry and had no money to her name... between jobs, hard up.

    So she stole a loaf of bread from a shipping crate.

    That's when she was caught, brought in, and given a choice... and hope.

    "If you walk away now... will you truly be able to go back to who and what you were before you met us?" she asks, during a lull in Ren's speech, likely when he's drawing another breath. "I've been somewhere similar. Wafting like a breeze between jobs, not holding down a single place... it's not an existence I'd go back to, not now."

Tomoyo Daidouji has posed:
    "So you would enter people's lives, and then just... leave?" Tomoyo's expression is pretty uncertain, like she can't fathom why anyone would ever do that. Solars are weird! So weird to do something so destructive to others out of habit.

    She takes a few bites of her cake, but as Ren starts to go into his nightmares, she puts it down. Suddenly, she's not so hungry. She can't bear it for very long, eventually she just reaches up and pushes Ren's cake up into his mouth to silence him.

    "You don't need to be either of those things. You just need to do what makes you happy. If leaving would make you unhappy, don't leave. If being the ultimate hero would stress you out too much, don't be. Just be the hero you are right now. You saved me, after all."

    If only it were so easy. Not that Tomoyo could ever understand. But that smile of gratitude is genuine, at least!

Ren Tanaka (165) has posed:
    (It's possible he says less; don't want to bore people with his problems, after all.)

    Thinking 'would he?' makes Ren wonder if he's ever really changed at all. Or... has he only changed in ways that make it easier to abandon people? Negative ways? Ways that make it easy to forget the things he would have otherwise learned?

    Is he really more forgetful than he ever meant to be?

    "Frightening thing is, I think I could. I think I've been doing it for a lot longer than I realized," Ren replies to Zephyr, "Never understanding why I was doing it."

And then he's got cake to eat. Just imagine the entire slice being shoved in there.

    And so he listens to Tomoyo instead, possibly never having got to the cruelest parts of those nightmares. He just... listens, and nods in stern agreement, and later on he'll think to himself- as if he hasn't thought about it in a hundred years-

    'What /does/ make me happy, anyway?'