3423/Cooking A Burger Because Why Not

Cooking A Burger Because Why Not
Date of Scene:	20 November 2015
Location:	Boston-666
Synopsis:	A responsible use of company resources and super powers.
Cast of Characters:	253, Theo Morrison, 715, 847

---

Psyber (253) has posed:
    Luckily for most, it was right on the cusp of fall into winter in Boston. Because of this, on the roof of the Heaven or Hell, it's only a mildly brisk 50 degrees and a sweatshirt will keep anyone comfortable.

    Psyber has brought two things with him: The first is the cooler with patties of ground beef, Bacon, and cheddar cheese. The other is a grill tray and a bucket to hold it over. The half-angel is inspecting the ground beef and lightly sprinkling some salt on it as he waits for people to gather for this brilliant idea.

Kenji Kawasaki (715) has posed:
     Kenji Kawasaki appears out of nowhere on the lawn. There's a burst of smoke and flame, and then the teenager appears, hovering in the air, his eyes on fire, his normally-black clothes burned white, his hair actually literally moving (and colored) like fire. On his tank-top is the only spot of /blackness/ on him - a fire symbol enclosed in a circle, like it was painted in ash.

     Kenji lands and scratches the back of his head. Most of the fire dies down as he walks over - only his eyes remain burning.

     "This is," Kenji observes, holding out his hand, "..."

     He takes a deep breath.

     "Control training."

     "How hot do you want this?"

Konoe Kanno (847) has posed:
     Konoe had apparently sparked the passions of multiple individuals with her ignorance of the majesty that is the burger. Let confused and with no real choice but to show up and see just /what/ this hubbub was all about, she made her way to Boston. It wasn't too long before she ascended the building, flying up to the roof and then landing with a soft tap.

     "Um..." With a confused expression on her face, she eyed Psyber and Kenji, blinking several times as she approached. "I...what's going on here? Control training?"

Theo Morrison has posed:
Theo is too much a red-blooded American to miss a good burger, /especially/ if Psyber is doing the cooking, and /double especially/ if it's going to be part of some manner of culinary supernatural experiment.

A reversal of emphasis on 'especially/double especially' may occur once he actually gets to the eating part.

Theo's wearing a navy blue sweatshirt to ward off the chill on the roof. Coming up with him is Kickotron, that three-foot bird-robot, who appears to be carrying a pan full of peeled, cut and washed potato wedges. It looks like all that's needed is some heat and the application of a spatula. Kickotron is wearing a baseball cap that doesn't really fit the shape of his head, but somehow remains affixed anyway.

"And cookery. Mostly..." Theo thinks. "...well, maybe fifty-fifty."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "It's all very scientific. If Kenji can cook a burger, it will help him exercise precision control of his heat, I suppose," Psyber theorizes as he finishes salting up the burger, "Gimme something searing hot. Like 400 degrees." Psyber says to Kenji seriously as he browses through stuff.

    "Plus, if Theo gives him a second temperature, it'll teach him to multi-task his powers," Psyber muses before looking over at Konoe, "Plus, I just had to have you try a burger. Next to ribs or steaks, they're my favorite thing to grill."

    Psyber gives Theo a thumbs up, "Bangin' job on the potatos. We're gonna get some deliciousness going for our feline friend here. And don't worry, we're in a safe zone, no one's gonna try to grab you and pet you around here."

Kenji Kawasaki (715) has posed:
     "That's a good way to rationalize it that I definitely said," comes a sparky voice from the emblem on Kenji's chest. It sounds like fire is talking, disembodied fire.

     Kenji sighs and holds up his hand. It bursts into flame in an instant. He holds the burning hand out for the grill, then looks over at Theo. "OK, so I just have to balance the temperatures until they're both done cooking, right? And we want them to finish at the same time, because that's proper kitchen etiquette."

     "You're going to make someone a wonderful wife one day."

     "Shut up!"

     "Hehehe."

     "Anyway...sorry for messing with you, Kanno. But if this goes well you'll have something really good to eat, so I guess it's worth it."

Konoe Kanno (847) has posed:
     "Ah...So this is control test in addition to making food." folding her arms behind her, Konoe stepped forward a little more, observing the extremely odd setup. "Well, then I'll be cheering for you, Kenji-san." She smiled a little and watched.

     "But with the way you all talk about burgers, I'm really curious." It sounded like she just offended a god when that came to light. It was surprising. But she supposed that curiosity would be sated if this went well.

     Good luck, Kenji.

     She also let out a sigh of relief at the mention of 'safe zone'. A quick glance about did suggest that there were no sneaky Rivas present. That was a load off her mind. The lady confounded the heck out of her.

     Kenji's apology is met with a shake of the head. "It's okay, Kenji-san. I don't understand the nuances of that...um, capitalism myself. It was my fault for not being wise enough."

Theo Morrison has posed:
Theo shoots Psyber a grin. "Thanks. That's the plan. You're really gonna like all this," he asides to Konoe. "And I don't think Kickotron knows what 'petting' is."

The myr hops on over to Keni, peering up and around the pan with his typical blank expression. He's looking at the mark where the disembodied voice is coming from. Is this myr-ly curiosity, or something else?!

"The recipe says four-fifty... can you get that precise? Um, fahrenheit," he adds, "in case, you know, rest of the world... anyway, yeah, that's basically the gist of it. These cook for half the time on one side and half on the other. Potatoes already got boiled to firm 'em up, the pan's oiled and salted and it just needs the heat."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    "So. Here's a true fact. America is a pretty new culture compared to most of the world. So it doesn't have all the fancy unique foods that a lot of places have. But. The Cheeseburger is a uniquely american creation." Psyber asserts as he starts to grab the meat patties and place the grill in Kenji's hand, "It is one of the very few foods that is American in creation. It's like... Sushi for the Japanese or spaghetti for the Italians."

    Psyber lets the grill heat up a bit before immediately dropping all of the patties onto it, "We'll let them sizzle for a bit, then flip em and add cheese," He muses as he lays some strips of bacon along with his burgers. About two per burger as he figures out where to position them.

    "So a burger is a very important thing to us Americans like me and Theo."

Kenji Kawasaki (715) has posed:
     Kenji is about to say something to them, when all of a sudden SHIN TOKUYAMA'S TREACHEROUS TREACHERY is revealed over X-Union. Kenji's face turns a brilliant scarlet all over again, then promptly bursts into flames, presumably to *hide* his blush. His other hand takes the pan, though, and starts blazing upwards. Despite the staggering emotional bombardment he's going through right now, he's doing pretty good.

     He focuses in on the conversation right now. He can do that. He can HANDLE that. "Y-yeah. I can get that precise. Kojin handles most of the heavy lifting, normally, but he's been easing off so I can do it tonight. I just have to think about it really hard."

     The patties thump onto the grill and sizzle with a delicious hiss, underlying Kenji's point excellently.

     "It's, uh..." He stumbles, "Capitalism is...I really only get this stuff because..."

     "..."

     He shakes his head. This has the hilarious effect of the fire around his head wobbling a lot.

     "Don't worry. I at least take food *very* seriously. It is merely one of many reasons that I, Sambo-Kojin, deserve the vaunted title of 'Best God' on the interwebs."

     "Kenji won't burn anything."

     Kenji sighs. "Yeah...I won't. I may look like a thug but I could rival a professional chef after the hell training Kojin put me through."

     THE HELL TRAINING KOJIN PUT HIM THROUGH
     ONE YEAR AGO

     "WHY DO I HAVE TO KILL THE BEAR MYSELF"
     To hone your meat-sense!
     "WHAT IF THE BEAR KILLS ME"
     You worry too much about that kind of thing.
     "FUSE WITH ME"
     That'd just ruin the meat!

     RIGHT NOW

     Kenji's face blanks out just a bit in remembered horror.

     "If it's any consolation, he cooks a mean bear, as long as he's killed it properly first."

Konoe Kanno (847) has posed:
     "I...I see. So a burger is an important cultural food to your country because it's uniquely yours, not something borrowed from elsewhere." She nodded in understanding, getting that much at least. "They sound rather easy to make. Are they really that simple?" Konoe asked, tilting her head a tad upon posing the question. Meat, bread, cheese, and maybe bacon. Didn't sound too hard.

     But then, she wasn't really a cook. Couldn't find her way around a kitchen to save her life. Not that she wouldn't try.

     Kenji's change of expression is met with a curious hum. "...? Are you okay, Kenji-san? Your head suddenly...um..." She pointed in the general direction of his head, indicating the fire, butcontinued to miss the connection between the banter on the moderated band and him. Huh.

     Anothe tilt of the head. "...Cook bear? The last time I killed a bear I just ate it as is." The miko looked aside thoughtfully as she dropped that random fact.

     Theo is met with another confused glance. "Kicko-...oh your robot minion." She smiled a bit sheepishly. "Well that's good. I have enough trouble with just Riva-san already." And maybe Kyra hot on her heels.

Theo Morrison has posed:
Theo jerks back a step when Kenji's head explodes into fire. Kickotron does the opposite, hopping into the air and aiming to put the shallow pan on Kenji's other side.

"Woah! Okay then! Uh..." He clears his throat, nodding along with Psyber's explanation. "There's a lot of ways to cook them -- different variants on the same base formula, you know?" Theo helpfully adds for Konoe's benefit, which might just confuse her more. "All sorts of things can go on the bun-patty-cheese combo. Some people don't even go in for cheese, which I don't agree with, but I guess everybody's got a right to their own opinion."

"Even if their opinion is bad and they're wrong," Theo adds, under his breath.

"And yeah; robot minion. Technically I guess he's a bit like a golem? I think he's a magitech construct or something. Never really was clear." Theo looks down at Kickotron, who is mostly just standing around, and gestures at Konoe. "Say hi, Kickotron."

Kickotron does not say hi. Mostly he just silently stares at the cat with a big beak and expressionless... lenses? Eyes? Whichever. It's a bit tough to tell.

Psyber (253) has posed:
    Psyber, who has access to all relevant radio channels to Kenji, seems pretty on point with what's happening, "Hey now, keep the heat even. Emotional stress is going to come up out in the field, lord knows I can testify to plenty of that this year," Psyber muses before he flips the burgers and then lays a slice of cheese on each, "Bear's good. A bit lean for my taste."

    "We're doin a classic. Theo's right, though, and there's a ton of variation. We could do a mushroom swiss. Or a chili burger. Or teriyaki. But tonight, classic bacon cheese." He comments, waiting for them to get ready. Once they are, he hoists them off and onto patties, handing them out to people as he muses, "Burgers are also a utility food like that. Basic recipe, complex variation."

Kenji Kawasaki (715) has posed:
     "I'm fine," Kenji replies, though his voice is a little bit quieter than normal. The fire around his head dies down, and with it, the blush, because he's no longer thinking about how his personal business got blown up for half the multiverse to hear, he's thinking about how he wants to punch Shin Tokuyama in the face.

     This is therapeutic.

     He takes a deep breath and nods at Psyber. "Yeah, sorry. I can just...do that. I lost control a little."

     "But nowhere it mattered. We're good."

     "I'm not really a fan of bear," Kenji admits, "But I can cook it. I can cook the hell out of it."

     He shrugs at Konoe. "Being trained to cook all kinds of stuff is one of the few upsides of being Kojin's partner. I used to eat like a washed-out high-schooler, but nowadays I cook all my own food, and my apartment always smells pretty awesome. I've even started screwing around with recipes in my free time. It's actually a fun hobby."

Konoe Kanno (847) has posed:
     "Ohh...so this is only one way to make them? And there are a lot more? That's a lot to remember..." Konoe nodded at Theo and Psyber, glancing down at Kickotron and offering the robot minion golem thing a short wave. "H-Hi?" It just stared at her...

     Creepy.

     Her ears twitched upon hearing Theo's bit on wrong opinions, but as it turned out, she wasn't very well versed on burger opinions to begin with, so she left it alone. Who was she to argue cheese or no cheese, bacon or no bacon, american or pepperjack? What the hell was pepperjack anyway? She had no idea!

     Putting that aside, it seemed like they were done. With the results handed out, Konoe took one offered, awkwardly holding it in both hands. ".....?" She looked the thing up and down, side to side, and sniffed at it, unable to figure out a point of attack. "So I just...bite into it?"

     A rhetorical question because she was going ahead anyway. It smelled kind of amazing, but what about the taste. Her fangs sunk into the combo of bun, meat, and cheese and she took a bite out of the holy grail in her hands.

     "......."

     Munch munch munch.

     Swallow.

     "T-This is......this....." Konoe's eyes glazed over in shock and she visibly reeled back. "THIS.....THIS IS......T-THIS...." Her heart rate sped up. She couldn't find the words. A feeling of euphoria washed over her entire body.

     "THIS IS SO GOOD!"

     People down on the street probably heard that.

Theo Morrison has posed:
Theo takes his, digging in pretty happily with a 'thanks' that's almost secondary to the task of actually eating it. He sighs with obvious relish (not the topping). "Bacon should be standard," he says around half a mouthful. It's rude, but he does not give a single crap. "Keep thinking I should learn to cook," Theo adds, "but I'm too easily distracted to spend the time on it."

Kickotron continus to stare at Konoe the whole time. The myr does not have anything better to do. His head turns to regard the waving hand, and then he looks her in the face again. There's a small tilt of his head. If she's paying attention, she'll notice he's mimicking her. There is no visible reason why.

Theo peers off the edge of the roof after the declaration of joy. "I'm surprised car alarms didn't just start going off. You've got /lungs/."

Psyber (253) has posed:
    After he finishes distributing burgers to Theo, to Kenji, and to himself, he just gives Konoe a big smile and a thumbs up, "Yeeeeeeeeah. That's the reaction I was hoping for. This is why Theo and I love a good burger as much as we do."

    He has a fairly dumb and happy grin on his face as he gets pretty much exactly the reaction he wanted out of her, "I'm happy you liked it so much, but yeah, wow, leave it to a cat to be way louder than you'd expect."

Kenji Kawasaki (715) has posed:
     "There's a lot of ways to make pretty much any dish," Kenji starts, but Konoe goes into /burgerthroes/. Kenji stops and stares, then rubs his ear a bit. It's ringing.

     "...heh, well, I guess we got that right. I guess if I don't make it in Shinra I've got a future as a portable grill or a food truck or something."

     Kenji eats a lot less like a high-schooler is supposed to. He actually pauses, savoring it, thinking about it. He chews slowly, getting every bite of the burger in, and the fries. It's a thoughtful process, one that looks wildly out of place on a man as young as he is.

     "Pretty good. Listen, I gotta bail, I've got to get on patrol." Kenji hops up into the air, floating there for a moment as his eyes brigten up. "I'll see you guys later. Thanks for the burger. Glad I could help."

     Then, in a burst of flame, he vanishes.

Konoe Kanno (847) has posed:
     Konoe nods excitedly. "Oh, it's so good! I had no idea what I was missing!" Like a savage without any manners, she wolfs down the burger without savoring it at all. She can savor the feeling of it in her belly! "How can such a simple combination of---haahm-" She doesn't even finish the sentence.

     In short order, she's finished. "-What was I saying? Um..." Her face turned a little red and she chuckled once there was no more burger to gush over. "I-Ah sorry, but it was really good! Thanks for showing me this everyone!"

     Kenji's departure is met with a wave. "Oh- Bye Kenji-san. Thank you for coming out."

     Silence fell.

     ".....Could I have another?"

     Psyber, you have created a monster.

Theo Morrison has posed:
"Wish I could flameaport," Theo says to nobody in particular, once Kenji's gone. "That's cool as heck."

Kickotron retrieves his pan, wearing oversized pot-holders and holding it up. Theo makes sure the contents are loose, and fishes out paper plates. He adds fries next to his burgers. Burger, actually, singular; he's done with one already, and is licking grease off his fingers. "Pretty much. Easy to make it, lots of room to do stuff, always delicious."

Kickotron does not have a burger, because myrs don't have burger intake ports.

Probably.