Homura's Notes - Page 199
|Homura's Notes - Page 199|
|Date of Cutscene:||09 March 2014|
|Synopsis:||A look at Homura's diary. (Being A Witch 1)|
|Cast of Characters:||2|
|Tinyplot:||When They Return|
To return to Witches, all experiences so far have left blanks in memories, whether partial or complete. In the case of total transformation, magical girls don't tend to remember anything. For partial ones, there are blanks, here and there. The means used to achieve certain effects don't appear clear.
I think I know why now.
My Abstractum, refer to page 191 and 192, finally attained either its first or second tier of Shift a while back. I haven't fully grasped what it does yet, but the short version is that it allows me to sink all the way in, and then come back up, at least, while within its effects. Control is still sketchy.
It would be inaccurate to say I remember events as they take place in that form. It would also be inaccurate to say I don't. The truth is somewhere in the middle. I think, what I remember, are not the events themselves, but my every negative feeling on every event. Through piecing those together, the events can be remembered. I don't remember Samael (see page 197) attacking my Familiars; I remember their pain, I remember my hatred for her. I don't remember Psyber Shifting. I remember jealousy at his power. I don't remember Ariel's inspiring speeches. I remember the disgust and disdain at such expressions.
It's not a good feeling.
I'd like to experiment more with the Shift, but both times so far have left me with a severe case of "my stomach wanting out". It's best to save it for times of need. Even so, this explains why the typical experience of turning into a Witch, partially or fully, is poorly remembered by the victim. It's because if they did, they would hate themselves. If they did, their Soul Gems would darken again immediatly at the surge of such despair.
I guess there is finally a use for hating myself. I don't have to despair at the memories incited by turning into a being of pure, negative emotions.
Maybe I can learn to control it enough it isn't so black.